Aftermath
by girl-on-sunshine
Summary: "Dimitri,Dimitri, I'm so sorry! If you hadn't wanted to kill her, you would still be here. It just hurts so much...I killed you, there is no forgiveness for that. Can't you stop my pain? Make it go away! Make it go away! Please, make it go away!"  Rose
1. Rage

Aftermath

Chapter one:

Rose's POV

I sat on the floor in the corner of my dorm room with the curtains drawn tightly shut and all the lights turned off. The darkness helped but not enough. I could still make out the objects in the room – my bed, my closet, and the bedside table – not that any of that mattered. But when I saw these objects memories flashed in front of my vision. Memories I didn't want to see ever again because they were of the man I loved and I had killed him.

Everything had a new meaning in my dark, cold room. The bed wasn't a place to sleep and rest, it was the same as the bed Dimitri and I had been affected by the lust charm on. The closet wasn't a place for storing clothes; it was a place to inflict torture, each item of clothing a memory of its own. The sweater I wore the night I first met Dimitri; the t-shirt I had on when we first kissed; the shirt I wore to court with him and Lissa. Nothing would ever be the same.

Adrian had carried me in here and then just left me, why? Did he want me to suffer alone? Did he not care at all? Had the guardians made him bring me here and now he was obligation free? But then again, who cares about Rose Hathaway? Certainly not her mother, oh and let's not forget her non-existent father! Maybe I could go talk to my best guardian in training friend Mason. But wait, you got him killed too!

With blinding rage I got up and tore the curtains open, slamming the glass of the window across and allowing the frigid air to blow in. Only two figures were still outside, most people had gone to bed. I leaned out to see that one was a moroi girl with long, golden hair. She glanced up at my window and I recognised Lissa, my best friend. When she saw me she looked back at the person she was talking to and spoke quickly but I couldn't make out their muffled voices in the wind. A third figure started towards them from the other side of the building and I instinctively knew it was Christian. When I looked back to the first pair, both of their eyes were staring up at me, Lissa and Adrian.

I was so angry at everything – Adrian for just leaving me, Lissa for being the reason I killed Dimitri and Dimitri for being turned into a Strigoi – that I couldn't help but lash out at them, standing down their watching my window and whispering. So I leaned out even more and stared down at the three of them with hatred.

"Shouldn't you have waited for lover boy before starting the 'lets-spy-on-Rose' meeting? Jeez Lissa, Already over him? Well don't worry Christian, at least she's not Adrian! He really treats people badly, especially the ones he says he cares about! Oh and Lissa? I've made all the sacrifices I can to protect you, so please don't expect me to risk my life being a guardian! I hereby end this meeting of spying on Rose!" With that I slammed my window closed and pulled the curtain back across. My throat was sore from screaming into the cold night air at them and from crying and shouting this afternoon after- No, I had to forget what had happened.

I walked slowly and carefully into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it and sinking onto the cold tiles against it. I couldn't cry now, I was too enraged. Quietly I listened as my phone rang and went to voice mail then it repeated again, my ringtone echoing through the empty room. I heard footsteps pounding on the stairs, the door to the dhampir girl's dorm corridor slamming shut and more running towards my room. Loud banging on my door, but it seemed distant shut behind the bathroom door. Somehow I was safe. Anxious yelling from the hallway reached me but it seemed to be somewhere else. It was Lissa's voice, asking me to open the door, asking me what was wrong, begging me to let her in. It seemed like I was drifting away from the commotion and then there was a black fog descending on me and I became unconscious.

A/N: The next chapter will be mostly the same events from a different POV but after that I'm not repeating events unless one is Rose's diary form. Some of this will be in third person so if it doesn't have a "POV" at the top of the chapter, its third person. Well I hope you love it enough to review.

Xx Girl on sunshine xX


	2. Thorns

Chapter two:

Adrian's POV

I softly closed Rose's bedroom door, leaving her sitting on the end of the bed. I couldn't deal with her right now; it was painful to see her like this. I needed some time to talk with the Vasalissa and to pull my thought together. Rose needed time alone too, I couldn't predict how she would deal with this but if I stayed with her she'd just keep shouting and crying. When I came back I'd know what to do, how to help and I'd see what state she was in.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialled Lissa's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lissa, Its Adrian."

"Oh Hi, I'm with Guardian Petrov and Guardian Alto. They just told me about Rose. Thank you for going with them to get her."

"I couldn't leave her out there. Can you get them to re-enroll her? I don't think she was thinking straight when she decided to leave. It might take a bit of convincing; it took me five minutes of arguing to get her back in her old dorm room. They said she wasn't a student anymore."

"Yeah, sure. Are you still with Rose?"

"No, I wanted to meet with you. Can you come to the courtyard near the Dhampir dorms in 5 minutes?"

"Okay, I'll come as soon as they re-enroll her. See you then."

I clicked off my phone and walked down to the dhampir kitchen. They left some muffins and biscuits on the bench in a container for anyone who got hungry throughout the night and there was a fridge with milk and water and juice for the students. I grabbed a water bottle and walked outside through the side door to meet Lissa. The courtyard was cool and foggy as the sun slowly began to rise but it was too low to cause any trouble for us yet.

I looked up at Rose's window as my eyes adjusted and saw the curtain was shut, Rose had gotten up off the bed at least. A few minutes later Lissa walked out of the main office and across the lawn to where I was standing,

"Hello Cousin, How'd it go?"

"They said that they need to get her to see a counsellor to prove that her decision was ill-judgment and then they will reverse the paperwork and she'll be free to go back to classes as normal."

"I don't think it will be normal though Liss, she is in a pretty bad way." I told her quietly.

"How bad?" Her voice was anxious and she glanced up at Rose's window.

"I had to use compulsion just to make her stop crying and screaming in the car back to here, the Guardians found her clinging to Guardian Belikov's body, they had to drag her away. She was still crying when I left but it was hard to look at her like that, you know?"

Lissa spoke softly staring up at the window as if I wasn't here, "Rose is always strong, no matter what she's going through she pretends it's better than it really is. If she's crying and screaming then inside she's probably dying. She never cries, Adrian." She looked back to me as if this would have great meaning for me.

"Lissa, I don't know what to do, you know I love her. I see what this is doing to her and if I could I would make her pain go away but I can't. I watched her on the car ride back and all I could think of to do was use compulsion."

"It sounds like that's all you could have done. I can't usually help when she gets crazy; there's only ever been one person who can get through to her when she's like this and now he's gone I don't know what she'll do."

"Yeah, he is gone. I am the one who has to do something now. I just don't know what. Seeing Rose like this makes us crazy Lissa, you and me, we can't stand to watch it. But the thing is we need to be able to watch it calmly and be strong for her. It's so hard."

"I know. Adrian what they had was unique in its way. We can help her by understanding, let me explain. Do you remember when Rose told us about Anna and Vlad?"

"Yeah, she didn't want anything bad to happen to you, she wanted to be your Anna. But Anna didn't have a happy ending, only Vlad did."

"Sadly that's right. Rose didn't think of it this way but if you put aside the magic and their endings, Rose is Vlad and Dimitri is Anna. He is the only one who can take away her craziness and without him she's completely lost. He was the person she could tell everything, she could truly be herself. Think back to the story, and then maybe we can get some idea of what she's going through."

We both looked at each other for a moment before I responded, "I understand some of that but... I just don't know what to do. What can I do? Because I can't just let her change into a different person, somehow I've got to help her become Rose again."

We stood in silence and Lissa watched my face for a moment before looking away back to the window as if she'd seen something too personal which made me look down in embarrassment. A few minutes later she looked back and spoke quickly,

"Don't look up. Okay, just keep pretending to stare at the ground. Rose just opened her window and she looks... mad. I don't want to make her more upset, but let's just make sure she's not going to jump out the window or something. I'll go up to Rose's room and you can go back to your room, I'll go straight over there when I've checked on Rose."

"Okay, seems like a good plan. Is she planning to jump?" We both looked up at the window and Rose was looking past us into the shadows. When she turned back I could feel the full force of her rage weighing down on us through her stare. She hated us with all her being. Then she leaned forward and begun shouting into the night,

"Shouldn't you have waited for lover boy before starting the 'lets-spy-on-Rose' meeting?" She pointed behind us and I saw Christian was only a few metres away coming towards Lissa then continued,

"Jeez Lissa, Already over him? Well don't worry Christian; at least she's not Adrian! He really treats people badly, especially the ones he says he cares about!" What had I done to her? I couldn't think of what was making her say these things and could tell that Lissa was really hurt by them, Rose kept yelling down at us but her voice was getting rougher, probably from the screaming earlier.

"Oh and Lissa? I've made all the sacrifices I can to protect you, so please don't expect me to risk my life being a guardian! I hereby end this meeting of spying on Rose!" She doesn't want to be a guardian? That's crazy! She's Rosemarie Hathaway, for crying out loud, Famous soon-to-be guardian and excellent strigoi hunter.

She closed the window and the curtain again and I turned to Lissa. Christian was standing behind her with his arms around her trying to be reasonable and soothe her but she looked as if she was about to cry. Then she abruptly straightened up and walked over to a bench, putting her bag down and searching through it until she found her phone. She looked at us sharply and said,

"Christian I'm fine, I'll be going back to Adrian's room after I see Rose so you can go to bed or wait there. Adrian you should go back to the kitchen and get some food and juice for us and then go to your room, I'll be there in about 10 minutes. Can I have that water bottle for Rose?"

I passed her the drink and then something occurred to me "Lissa, what if Rose does something before you get to her?"

"That's why I have my phone; I'm going to call her on my way up to the dorms. Don't worry, I'll be back soon. Now let's get moving." With that she marched into the dhampir dorms and started punching numbers into her phone.

Christian walked over to me, "Wow, Never seen her do that before."

I looked at him confused, "Rose or Lissa?"

He grinned, "Lissa. Do you mind if I tag along with you?"

"No, but we should get moving or Lissa might come back."

He nodded and we made our way into the kitchen again. Rose's words repeated in my mind and twisted to have a new meaning each time that was more and more terrifying. I grabbed three muffins and Christian got some drinks, he laughed and I looked at him questioningly,

"Maybe we should run just in case Lissa is faster than us?" He suggested.

I agreed and we were running up to guest housing with the food. When we got inside we both fell onto the reclining chairs.

"Well at least we beat Lissa!" Christian joked.

"Yeah, I hope she's okay." I didn't mean Lissa, I meant Rose and from Christian's solemn expression he knew that.

"Adrian... Is Rose, I mean – Do you think she'll be okay? What she was saying... I couldn't believe I was hearing it from Rose. I saw her in Spokane, so I know that this is... worse, but ..." He trailed off and for once he seemed serious.

"I don't know. But we've all got to be here for her."

Just then Lissa walked in the door panting, "She wouldn't open the door and I figured she was fine for tonight so I just left her."

I sighed, "Yeah hopefully, So tomorrow if she won't answer the door?"

Lissa looked at Christian as if considering if he should be here, "If she stays in there too long, I can make the Guards give us a key to her room. But I think that she'll be fine by tomorrow. Today was traumatic for her, she needs to... rest. So do you guys."

Christian stood up and stretched but Lissa walked over and stopped him from leaving, "I don't want to leave Adrian alone tonight... Do you mind?"

He looked dubious, "Can I stay or...?"

She looked at me and I nodded, there was no refusing Lissa on a Mission.

Lissa explained to Christian that he could stay and they'd sleep on the couch, I got into bed planning on dream walking with Rose but I was overcome with sleep and my dreams were just her words shouted over and over again down at me, getting closer as she fell to the ground.

Review if you want to see what happens next!

This story gives me a lot of freedom in what I put because it's not from VA so if you have suggestions please comment and I'll consider it otherwise you'll just be leaving it to my craziness to create this story.

Xx Girl in sunshine xX


	3. View from Above

Chapter three:

The night was long and taunting for three people and only one person was there for them, Christian Ozera. Adrian, Lissa and Rose all fell into unconsciousness before they were ready to shut out the world, the previous day floated in front of them just out of reach as they dreamt of ways they could have made things better. Adrian saw his love shout with hatred at him and then fall to the ground injured beyond repair; Princess Vasalissa watched as her best friend suffered immeasurable pain that she couldn't deal with, Rosemarie had the worst of it.

She did not know where she was and unconsciousness was not welcomed, in her dreams the moon shone down and she was lost somewhere in the woods with a screen in front of her replaying events she hoped had not happened but knew they had – Her lover being turned strigoi, her mentor telling her that she should kill Lissa, Herself plunging the stake into his heart, her best friend watching in despair as she screamed and shouted and Adrian, forced to extremes and using compulsion.

The ironic part was that of the three of them, Rose was the only one who wasn't reliving it all yet it was worse. She could touch that screen but nothing would happen, she could reach out for Dimitri as he fell but nothing happened and she could shout at herself to change what she was doing, to not make the same mistakes, unfortunately for Rose nothing would change. Being stuck in the middle of a dark forest was, at least, unmemorable. She didn't see her room full of memories or her friends faces as they looked at what had become of Rosemarie Hathaway, which was a great relief.

If you looked down at Rose curled on the floor of her bathroom, shivering and crying in sleep you would think she was completely alone. But nobody is ever truly alone. Lissa and Adrian slept in guest housing, both clutching the sheets of Adrian's bed for dear life. Adrian didn't know Lissa was fast asleep beside him and Lissa didn't know that she had fallen asleep there. However a silent figure stood by the window in Adrian Ivashkov's room, looking down on Rose, Lissa and Adrian, knowing what they did not. Christian watched as Adrian moaned in his sleep, tossing and turning, thinking that he shouldn't care that his girlfriend is sleeping with another guy because it was Adrian. The problem was however that it was Adrian, he had a reputation Christian couldn't forget when he saw them together.

Christian did not spy on Rose. But he knew where she was, he didn't have special powers that allowed him to see through walls but he did have friends. The dhampir girls all had the same key for their bathrooms, meaning each girl could get into every dhampir girl's bathroom. This was not a problem because who steals shampoo? But in this case it was very helpful that they shared a key, it was also helpful that Rose had a reputation of her own.

All it had taken was a text message to one of his old friends from before he met Lissa. She was a quiet girl so nobody suspected anything when they saw her walk out of her room in the night and down the hall to Rose's bathroom. She unlocked the door and gently eased it open to find Rose.

She smiled to herself and texted Christian back saying that she was asleep on the floor. Christian had told her that Rose was drunk and could she please check if Rose had gotten to her room okay? The girl was nice enough so she did. Sure, this would probably spread to a few other people but it wasn't big news. Rose got drunk and partied quite a lot before Lissa and Rose had run away.

If you were Christian what would you do? One might ask themselves. He could do nothing for Rose, not that he had any ideas. He didn't know it but he'd ensured she wasn't alone. The girl he had sent had been kind and didn't want to leave Rose like that, so she'd gotten a wet cloth and put it on Rose's forehead and she's folded a towel into a pillow and put it under Rose's head. The girl was still with Rose now, while everyone slept, laying a bathrobe over her and brushing her hair gently. It seems that everyone has their own reasons tonight. The girl although kind, could not sleep and owed Rose. She had nothing better to do and this seemed like a good way to repay the girl who had punched Mia Rinaldi and the girl who she had spread so many rumours about. She didn't like Mia because she had once been her best friend before Mia decided to become popular and ditched her. She had not started any rumours about Rose but she'd helped spread a lot of them.

So the girl stayed with Rose but nobody would ever know. Christian had his own reasons when he gently shook Adrian's shoulder knowing that he did need sleep but he wasn't getting the kind of sleep that helps anyone. Adrian opened his eyes slowly and sat up, looking around,

"Christian, I didn't know Lissa was there, honestly, did I touch her or something? Because I was asleep, really..."

"No, it's fine, sorry to wake you. Come sit down on the couch." Christian interrupted.

Adrian looked bewildered but got up and moved to the couch, he didn't know what Christian was doing. Christian on the other hand was not confused; he moved purposefully to Adrian's mini bar and poured a glass of Vodka before joining Adrian on the couch.

"You were tossing and turning, I figured it was a bad dream, so I woke you up." Christian explained.

"Are you telling me this wasn't about Lissa, lover-boy?" Adrian asked sarcastically.

"Yes, I have some news about Rose, It's not much but it should help you sleep. Well, that and this vodka." He said handing Adrian the drink.

"What news about Rose?" He said pushing the vodka away, "I shouldn't drink, it messes with my powers."

Christian couldn't believe Adrian cared this much about Rose but he knew he was being sincere.

"Rose is fine. I have a friend whose dorm is down the hall from Rose's and she snuck into Rose's bathroom. Rose was there, asleep. My friend made sure she was okay. This will be out of your system by morning and it'll help you sleep. Just don't have any more than this." Christian said passing Adrian the glass again; Adrian took a sip and thought this through.

"Thank you, Christian. I thought she might have done something terrible. Do you think we could sneak down to Rose?"

Christian shook his head, "Nah, there are guardians in the stairway, Lissa and I shouldn't even be here. But Rose is okay so that's something."

Adrian nodded and drunk the rest of the vodka. Christian smiled at him and wondered how he could stand the stuff. But after 5 minutes of sitting there staring out the window Adrian fell asleep and Christian went over to sit by Lissa's side.

The rest of the night was uneventful for Christian. His friend text messaged him again saying good night and he sat in silence watching Lissa's chest rise and fall as she slept. It was rhythmic, soothing. He had helped Adrian and Rose in a way but Rose and Lissa were both still struggling with nightmares, not knowing that someone that cared for them was by their side all the while.

Maybe nobody was alone that night but the four of them felt more alone than ever. Everybody has a motive, a reason. Lissa was Rose's reason for killing her lover. Rose was Lissa's reason for staying sane. Lissa was Adrian's reason for not spending the night alone. Rose was Adrian's reason for not getting drunk. We are each other's reasons.

A/N: I had fun with that style of writing, but it was a little crazy. I would say I'll never do it again, but it was just so... fun. So yes, you'll probably see more of this strange third person recount. I know it was strange but I hope you can look past that because there's only one person who can watch from above, Christian Ozera. Lol. Please review.

REVIEW.

Xx Girl on sunshine.


	4. Oblivious

A/N: Everyone remember Eddie? Mason's old pal, went to Spokane, protective of Rose etc. Yeah, this is from his POV so I tried to make it sound like him :P

Enjoy,

REVIEW.

Xx Girl-on-sunshine.

Chapter 4:

Eddie's POV:

At breakfast Lissa, Rose and Adrian were missing. Christian came down looking tired and said they were still asleep. Rose wasn't at our first lesson in the gym which was strange because she loved getting a chance to fight our classmates.

I headed to the door of the gym after class and Alberta stopped me,

"Eddie?"

"Yes, Guardian Petrov?" I tried to be professional in case this was a serious matter,

"Can you do me a favour? I'll tell your next teacher that you'll be late to class."

"Of course, what is it?" I couldn't afford to look bad now or I'd get stuck with someone terrible in trials.

"Well as you've probably noticed Rose is still in bed, I'm told Princess Vasalissa and Lord Ivashkov are with her. Could you please go and ask Rose to go to see the Counsellor about her leaving school yesterday? And could you ask Vasalissa to go to classes? Lord Ivashkov is free to do as he pleases but I would prefer it if he didn't go with either of them, as he could be a distraction and we are trying to teach here." She still sounded kind even when she said the last part.

"Yeah, sure Alberta, I'll go now." She nodded and walked off.

As I rounded a corner near the girls dhampir dorms I heard some of the quiet girls in my science class whispering,

"Have you seen Rose Hathaway today?"

"No, she wasn't in class this morning."

"I saw her last night and she looked pretty drunk, I hope she's okay."

"Yeah, she normally doesn't take the morning off when she's got a hangover, this is strange..."

I just heard the last part as they begun making their way to class. Rose used to get drunk a lot so it wasn't totally surprising but skipping morning class, they were right to say it was strange. Last time she had a hangover she came to training and insulted everyone; it was pretty funny, until she started training and kicked me in the face for laughing.

I went up to Rose's room and Lissa and Adrian were sitting against the wall of the corridor.

"Hey guys." I said and they both looked over.

"Hey Eddie, shouldn't you be in class?" Lissa asked while Adrian just glared at the wall behind my head. I raised an eyebrow at him and looked at Lissa. Adrian saw and shrugged,

"I haven't had a drink today."

I smiled in sympathy and looked back to Lissa, "Yeah, Alberta wanted me to get Rose and You."

Just then Adrian turned and stared at the door as if hearing something,

"You might have to wait for Rose, she's in the shower." He said tapping his ear. Moroi had better hearing.

"Okay then." I said sinking down against the wall to sit beside Adrian.

Lissa leaned over him to talk to me, "So where are you coming to take us?"

I shook my head, "Not us. You have to go back to class, Rose has to go to the counsellor and Adrian is a free spirit."

Lissa looked disappointed and then shared a look with Adrian. She stood up,

"Well then, I'll leave you to it. I don't want to get too late to class or people will stare. See you later." She smiled at me and then gave Adrian an intent look, he nodded.

"See you." I said as she walked off, wonder what that was about.

Adrian looked at me and grinned, "Might be a while, you know Rose. But hey if we stick around we might get to see her straight out of the shower." He winked and I laughed.

"I don't think she'll be in a good mood. I overheard some chicks saying she had a hangover and that's why she skipped class. You have anything to do with that Ivashkov?"

"Nah, I think she had a rough day yesterday. I was with Lissa and Christian last night."

"Oh, wasn't I invited to the party? You've hurt my feelings." I made a face and laughed.

"Would have been too many people for what we were doing, if you'd come." He raised an eyebrow knowingly.

"Okay, gross. So Rose partied on her own?"

"Well I wish she'd been there but no. I don't think she partied either but just be nice in case she is hung over." He smirked at me.

We sat in silence staring at the wall for about 5 minutes and then Adrian pointed at the door,

"She's out of the shower."

"Oh, I'll give her some time to get dressed." I said smiling at him.

Adrian grinned wickedly, apparently lack of alcohol made him crazy.

"Non-sense just knock now." He stood up and pulled me with him to stand in front of the door, and then he knocked loudly and stepped aside so it looked as if I'd knocked.

I could hear Rose moving around the room and then she called out 'coming' and it sounded like she was running.

A moment later she answered the door in her bathrobe,

"Oh Hey Eddie and... Adrian." She nodded at him and looked back to me.

"Hey Rose, Alberta wants you to go talk to the counsellor about why you left school yesterday. She sent me to tell you."

She nodded, "I understand, thanks. I'll just be a minute; you can go if you want to..."

I smiled at her, "I'll wait, she wanted me to make sure you go there safely anyway, besides I'm missing school here!" I laughed and she just nodded. Alberta wanted me to keep Adrian away but I didn't want to tell Rose that, she likes defying rules.

"Okay then, I'll only be a second." As she started shutting the door Adrian put his arm across the door frame to stop her,

"Little Dhampir, Are you okay?" He said gently.

She nodded, "I'm fine. I just need to get dressed." Her tone was sharp and she was starting to close the door against his arm. He sighed and moved his arm. When the door was closed I laughed,

"You were right; we got to see her in her bathrobe. I betcha she didn't have that on when we knocked." I laughed again but Adrian just said yeah. Rose hadn't laughed or smiled and now Adrian was all serious. Maybe they were fighting.

"Hey Adrian," I said trying to sound nice, "I don't want to be mean but Alberta kinda asked me to... Well she said she would prefer if you didn't go with Rose. She said you were a distraction... Sorry man. You can see Rose at lunch."

He nodded gravely and left. When Rose came back out I walked her down to the courtyard and then watched her walk into the office before going to class.

At lunch Rose wasn't there. Lissa and Adrian were whispering and I could just overhear them,

"We'll decide later. Right now she could be fine, there's no point in worrying them. Adrian... She probably feels bad about yesterday and what she said, it's probably not you."

"Lissa, she hates me. I could just tell I don't know what I've done. She's my best friend you know. I just want to help."

"Remember what we said? Be strong for her. She is just going through stuff. Let's not take it personally."

"Okay, you're doing really well with the being strong thing." He smiled at her and she mockingly grinned and flicked her hair behind her shoulder like 'mean girls' do,

"Yes, I know, I'm perfect."

Christian leaned on her shoulder, "Yes you are, beautiful."

Adrian laughed, "Don't encourage her, fire-boy."

After lunch Rose still wasn't in class but I had an assignment to do after school so I couldn't go find her. She must have got caught up with something.

REVIEW.

Thanks for reading,

Lots of love (in a non-creepy way),

Girl-on-sunshine.


	5. Memories and Similarities

Chapter 5:

Diary POV

Dearest Dimitri,

I have been ordered to write down my feelings by the counsellor, but I couldn't think of anyone but you that I would ever share these things with. Maybe you can read this from heaven or something, I don't know.

It has been so hard, with you gone. I am so... angry at the world. They brought me back Dimitri, why couldn't they just let me stay out there with you? People I love are out there, Mason, Lissa's family, you. Sometimes I think that I left myself out there. How dare the guardians drag me back here? They can't force me to become a guardian.

How could Lissa re-enrol me? How could they spy on me? I hate them all. I hate this life, without you, I am alone. I am not as strong as you said I was, Comrade. I am so sad, so terribly sad here. But I have to be strong for you, don't I? I'm not very good at it, it just makes me mad. It's like I'm two people at the same time; I hate Lissa and Adrian and the others and I yell and scream at them but at the same time some part of me can see how unfair that is, I feel guilty for taking it out on them.

When I saw the counsellor, I almost laughed. He was nothing like you - Small, thin, fragile looking. Yet he tried to tell me I could count on him. The only person I count on is you, for him to compare himself to you was unbelievable. Did he give me Zen sayings and laugh at my insults? No Comrade, what he did was give me questions, and then if I answered he'd question my answer, if I insulted his questions he would question my insults. It was unbearable.

But my onetime assessment for re-enrolment has turned into something I have to do every second day, except Sundays – Of course they let me have Sunday for church. Why would I go to church now? I only ever went to watch you. It would just be more pain. I'm going to church on Sunday though, forever a masochist.

Right now I'm in my room and the whole school is asleep. I didn't go to school today, I stayed in my room. I don't want to raise the alarm with the guardians so I got up and went to the counsellor but I'm not going to pretend to these people who call me friend that I want to see them. I don't, ever. The guardians said I could have the day off, why would I go to lunch with them? I'm not hungry and I can't see the point in socialising. What are they going to say 'sorry for your loss'? Well I don't know who knows about this but I'm afraid to think it's only Lissa, Adrian, Christian and the guardians. I have pushed them away so I truly am alone.

I can't sleep yet. Dimitri... Why did Tasha call you Dimka? It doesn't suit you. You are strong too, you're stronger than me.

I need you. I can't survive on my own, I need someone. You understood me more than anyone, how can anyone understand this? It's impossible. But nobody's trying anyway, I'm alone. Lissa seems to think banging on the door has turned into a new type of communication, but it doesn't matter. I don't want to see her.

Everything has fallen apart. You can't just leave me. Just don't leave me. But you have. I found you just to find you gone. There was a way, I'm sure. You could have been healed. But it is too late now.

My life is gone, just as you are.

But I won't stop loving you,

Rose.

Remember me as I was and I'll in turn remember you as the dhampir you were.

A/N: Please review even though it's crazy.


	6. Strength or Fear?

A/N: Heyy, This is Lissa pov, which was hard, this story in general is hard to write for but I like it. That's the only reason I keep writing when no one is review. I might cry soon. Lol. I need feedback. Now. Oh and thanks for reading.

Chapter 6:

Lissa's POV

I watched as the sun began to set through the window in my room, Morning at , Time for me to go see Rose. I pulled myself together and put on my jacket. I'd never had to be the strongest before, never had to stand up for Rose. I walked out of the Moroi dorms and crossed the grounds, only a few dhampirs were up to go to private training. Rose would have been upset to see them, she had practiced at this time with Dimitri.

When I reached Rose's door I knocked softly and waited, no answer. Adrian had said she opened the door for Eddie; maybe it was time to tell him the truth, to stop pretending Rose was fine. How could she be?

"Rose? Please answer the door." I called through the wood, but there was silence. Maybe she was asleep?

I sighed and went down to the Moroi common rooms, there was no point waiting for Rose.

About half an hour later Christian walked past the door way and then saw me and came in. He sat on the couch beside me staring at the screen I was watching, a soapie that was utterly boring. He turned back to me and pulled me into his arms, talking softly into my ear,

"Lissa, she's going to be fine eventually. She's Rose, you know her, she gets mad, and she'll calm down soon. You can't be strong forever; you don't need to be strong when it's just us."

"What if she really hates me?" I whispered back.

"Impossible, Rose loves you. She has always protected you now you've got to trust her."

I sighed trying to believe him.

He leaned forward and kissed me gently before grabbing my hand and getting up.

"You need breakfast then you'll see how silly this is." He said jokingly.

We ate with the others and I waited for Adrian to get here,

"Did you go see her?" He asked as greeting to me,

I nodded, "No answer, she was probably still asleep."

He sighed, "Same."

"She answered the door for Eddie, we need to tell him." I whispered in Adrian's ear.

He nodded and turned to Eddie, "Eddie, there's something wrong with Rose." His voice sounded rough and when he paused I took over,

"When she left the school, she tracked down Dimitri in the woods a mile or so away from here. He was strigoi and she had to stake him."

He looked shocked and then seemed concerned, "Is this why she was in her room all of yesterday?"

Adrian nodded and I sighed, "She's not okay. We've been knocking on her door but she won't respond. She's ignoring my calls as well."

His face was shadowed with worry, "Is it like after Mason...?"

Christian joined in the conversation, "it's worse, like 5oo times worse. Last time she talked it through and got over it, now... She's not doing anything."

Adrian nodded again, "She's not eating or leaving her room. I don't know what else because I haven't seen her."

It struck me how much Rose had to be struggling; we couldn't just leave her alone to die.

She didn't come to lunch, or the afternoon classes we shared. No one else had seen her either. After school I went to her room again but she still didn't reply. Eventually I gave up and went to my room, texting Adrian with simply 'still no reply'. He didn't text back and I worried that the affects of spirit would be too much for him, he wasn't drinking or smoking.

I looked out my window and saw him sitting on a bench and sure enough, he was smoking. At least he wasn't going crazy.


	7. Just Tell Me What To Do

A/N: Short and sweet. Don't complain it's too short because I'm updating like 5 chapters a day so if you dislike the fact that I thought this would be better if it was just short then that's your problem. Rose can't bear to write much today because she's think so much and in a lot of pain, obviously. Is anyone actually feeling sad for Rose? I would like to know whether to make it sadder or not.

Chapter 7:

Diary POV

Dearest Dimitri,

Today had been quiet, cold, perfect. I didn't need to see anyone or do anything, just sit here in my silent corner of the world.

You are still gone.

I'm left to forget about us.

Can you imagine how much pain I'm in?

I'm sorry I staked you.

Are you sorry you became strigoi?

Neither of us had a choice.

I remember, we were once so strong, fierce.

But that's gone.

With you went the past and the future.

I am forced to forget everything that happened.

I cannot bear to go on.

When you were strigoi, did you forget I was alive? Or was I constantly on your mind.

Because I'm the living dead and your constantly on my mind.

Just tell me what you want me to do, Dimitri.

Tell me what I'm supposed to make of this situation.

My Comrade, to blame you or to love you more?

Your choice.

Just tell me what to do, I'll do it.

Forever I'll remember you,

Your Rose.

A/N: I spell check and proof read this three times so if there is mistakes tell me!

Is it sad enough?

Do you think the characters are true to form?

Would Rose actually do this?

Do you want to see more?

Is it well written?

Review.


	8. Just Tonight I'll Forget You're Not Him

A/N: This is an eventful chapter, but I think that the structure had to be like this. I went through different ways of writing this, different characters coming, different endings. This is what worked. Adrian was the best person. I'll explain why at the end.

There is an alternative chapter eight with more fluff in it that I wrote in my story, 'If there was love.' So please look at that if you could use a little happiness or love or whatever.

Chapter 8:

Adrian's POV

The night was unforgiving and I couldn't sleep. I needed to see Rose.

How cruel was I to leave her alone in that room. Knowing what state she was in, knowing that she wasn't eating or sleeping. She needed me now and I was nowhere to be seen.

As I stared out my window into the sun's light that burned my eyes, I remembered how Rose had helped me, even though she didn't know it. She was the first person to ever put aside my reputation, the first person to be my friend without wanting my money. I wouldn't have learnt to care for someone the way I cared for her if she hadn't given me the chance.

Had I not been trying to get through to her this whole time? But then I'd discovered her love for Dimitri and given up on her heart. Sure, I'd kept flirting with her and teasing her but I had thought I'd never get her to love me as much as she loved Dimitri Belikov. So in a way, I did understand her love for him otherwise I wouldn't have given up.

Whether she admitted it or not, she needed someone to come and look out for her this time. Lissa was pretending to be strong and she was, but not strong enough to really understand Rose's feelings right now. She herself wouldn't have been able to handle feeling what Rose felt. She compared Rose and Dimitri's love to hers and Christian's relationship, but I didn't think they could even be measured by the same units; Rose's love for him was off any scale that could be believed. Maybe his was too, he had died for her in a way.

I had to remember that she really didn't hate me or I'd end up not going.

I pulled on some jeans and grabbed my jacket, running down the stairs to the guardian on duty in Rose's dorm.

"Excuse me?" I said politely

"Lord Ivashkov, you're not allowed in the girls dorms after curfew." She said sternly.

"I'm sorry, Guardian...?" I wanted to know her name, which often helped with compulsion.

"Petrov." She said in a sharp voice.

"Guardian Petrov, I know I shouldn't be here but I'm worried about my friend." I remembered Rose and her joking around sometimes but Rose had called her Alberta, I wasn't polite for me to address her by her first name.

"Lord Ivashkov, I hope this isn't a trick to get into one of the dhampir girls' bedrooms. Who is your friend?" She raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"I assure you it's not. My friend is," I said but she seemed suspicious, "Rosemarie Hathaway."

She frowned, "I'm sorry to disappoint Lord Ivashkov but she has been unwell, I don't think you should be seeing her at this time of night."

I wouldn't give it one more try before I used compulsion,

"Guardian Petrov, I'm concerned about Rose. You know I was there when you found her in the woods, I don't think she's been doing very well since then. I would really like to check on her."

She sighed, "Adrian, I'm sure she'll be there in the morning. You should get some sleep. If you're really worried you can have 5 minutes while I patrol the other girls' dorms." She smiled kindly and nodded to Rose's door.

"The thing is she hasn't been answering the door. I really need the key; I promise that this isn't a trick. She hasn't eaten in days."

She looked worried but kept a stern voice, "I'm not allowed to give you a key, sorry."

"Please Alberta, If you unlock the door I'll say it was already unlocked." I sounded pitiful even to myself but Rose needed me.

She looked tired as she considered it, "I know Rose, so I'll open the door but if anyone else hears of this..."

I smiled "Yes, I understand, thank you."

She walked over and silently slid the key into the lock and pulled it out then she walked away and I just saw her gesture to the door.

I rushed to it and gently turned the door knob. It quietly opened and I looked at the room within.

It was dark, the curtains were pulled closed and the lights were off. My vision adjusted to the light and I saw Rose huddled in the corner of the room, staring blankly ahead at the wall. Her hair was a mess and she was wearing the same thing she'd worn to the counsellor's office yesterday. Rose's skin was paler than I'd ever seen her which made the rings under her eyes stand out and look black; her eyes were dull and lifeless. For a second I was worried that it was too late but she was breathing.

I walked into the room and pulled the door shut behind me, nobody else needed to see her like this. I walked slowly towards her so she wouldn't get a fright,

"Rose, what have you done?" I whispered as I knelt down beside her.

She looked at me surprised, "What are you doing here? You shouldn't have come." She said, her voice rough and cracked.

I looked at her sternly, "Are you injured?"

She looked back at the wall, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

I took her hand, "Rose?" She turned back and shook her head, what does that mean? She's not injured or she won't answer?

I stood up and put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her with me. Then I walked to the bed and sat her down, turning on the light. She blinked, obviously not used to having it on. In the light she looked even worse. It was about 2 in the morning for the school, so I decided it was probably safe to go down to the kitchen without getting caught by anyone.

"Stay here, I'll be back in a minute." I said as I grabbed her set of keys from a table near the door and walked out.

I realised when I reached the kitchen that I had no idea if she would eat what I gave her, but I'd have to convince her to. So I grabbed a couple of biscuits, a muesli bar, a muffin, a bottle of water and a bottle of juice. I wouldn't be able to come back when the students were awake so it seemed like a good idea to get more food than necessary.

I walked back into Rose's room and she was sitting where I'd left her yet again staring into space. It was hard to think of her like this, but I kept remembering what she used to be like, I had to help her get back to that. When I sat down she looked over,

"Adrian, you should go back to bed." She said weakly, she didn't have the energy to be angry it seemed.

I smiled at her, "Nope, I got to look after my girl."

She shook her head and stared at her hands.

I put the food down in front of her and passed her the bottle of juice, she refused to take it.

"Rose, you have to drink something, this is serious." She took the bottle put didn't open it.

"Seriously Adrian, I want to be alone." She said harshly, I had said it was serious, at least she was still Rose.

"Not going to happen, Little Dhampir."

I walked into the bathroom and grabbed a towel, wetting it under the tap and walking back to her. As I took her hand and wiped it with the towel I looked at her eyes,

"You can't do this Rose, just hide out here. It's only been two days and you already look terrible. You're so pale, jeez Rose. Don't do this."

I shook my head remembering Lissa's command to be strong for Rose. Rose however seemed to have given up on being strong,

"What's the point? Just let me be."

I didn't want to hear her talk like that so I ignored the comment and continued cleaning her hands and moved on to her face.

"Rose, please drink something." I pleaded but she didn't touch the juice.

After I was done with her face I pulled her jacket off and tossed it aside, then I pulled off her shoes and socks. She didn't seem to care so I lifted her off the bed and pulled back the covers for her. I waited but she didn't get the hint so I had to carry her back to the bed and pull the covers around her.

"Rose, I'm not leaving until you've had something to eat and drink. This is not optional."

She looked up at me, "I bet this is the first time you've ever done this, looking after a girl when you take her to bed not making out with her when you reach the bed."

I smiled at her even though I really didn't have any reason to smile, I couldn't show weakness. Be strong for Rose.

"I'm going to give you one more chance before I make you." I said handing her the muffin and the juice yet again.

She stared at them blankly, "Why do you care?"

I sighed, "Please don't do this to me, Rose. I'm trying my best here."

She opened the juice and took a sip, "There I've had something to drink."

Under my breath I whispered, "I wish I had something to drink right now."

Then louder I said, "Drink more." And walked over to a table, looking for her hair brush – I was so out of my depth here. But it was Rose; I couldn't leave her and say 'Oh sorry, but I can't be seen brushing your hair it would ruin my reputation.' That would be cold. My only problem was that I doubted I could make her have a shower by herself and if I helped it would be considered as taking advantage of her. Oh well, the shower could wait.

When I finally found it I kneeled on the bed behind her and tried to gently untangle her hair. Since it was my first time brushing any girls hair she winced a little when I tried to brush out a knot but she didn't say anything. She slowly sipped the juice as I brushed and ran her fingers over the sheets on the bed.

"Sorry if this hurts, I'm not very experienced."

She shrugged, "It doesn't really hurt that much, it probably would hurt more if I did it – I don't have any patience with knots."

I laughed lightly without really finding it funny, "That's not surprising." I reached around her and grabbed the muffin, passing it to her, "Eat."

She turned it around in her hands, "I'm sorry about saying you treated people badly." She said it simply like she did mean it but she hated admitting it.

"I kinda proved you wrong, huh?" I didn't want to say, 'I understand, you're suffering from a great loss right now, I should be sorry.' Because she'd probably punch me.

She sighed, "I guess."

I coughed awkwardly, "Uh, Rose, You should probably have a shower."

I stopped brushing her hair and moved to sit in front of her, she just shrugged,

"I suppose that would be a good idea." But she didn't move.

She still hadn't touched the muffin so I grabbed it and broke off a piece, waving it in front of her,

"Do I really have to feed you? I mean I have done this before with girls in bed but I didn't think you'd be the type to go for that." I smirked at her and got a small almost half smile from her,

"Oh wouldn't you love that." She joked.

I moved the piece of muffin closer to her mouth, "I'll do it if I have to."

She grabbed my wrist to stop me, "I don't think so."

I put the rest of the muffin down and put my hand over the hand she had on my wrist,

"You need to eat something, I know that you don't feel like it but you are going to starve if you don't and I won't let that happen." I said in a more serious voice.

She pulled it from my hand with her other hand and ate it slowly and grudgingly. As she ate the rest of the muffin I tried to reason with her,

"How about that shower after you finish eating?"

"Are you going to make me?" She smirked at me, knowing that I'd probably say yes - If the circumstances were different.

So instead I gave her a solemn expression, "I would prefer not to."

She laughed but it wasn't happy or warm like it used to be, "You mean you would prefer not to have to be forced to help, that you'd just like to help to be nice."

I just stared at her, she knew what I meant. After a moment she sighed,

"I would prefer not to."

"But I'm going to make you?" I asked.

"Probably, wouldn't that be like all of your dreams come true?"

"Of course not, I like to make sure my dreams have variety. The only constant is you, sweetheart."I said with a deep accent teasing her.

She hit my arm and then looked thoughtful for a moment,

"I'll have a shower if you help me."

I looked at her shocked, "Rose, I can't – I don't want to take advantage of you."

She smiled, "That's sweet, but isn't this what you've been waiting for?" She laughed again and continued, "No, I don't mean that. God, Adrian, I didn't lose my mind."

"Okay then, what do you want help with?" I asked curiously.

She stood up and I copied her then she put her arm around my shoulders and walked into the bathroom,

"Find me something to wear – I mean something I can sleep in and then find where I left my jeans, I need to wear them tomorrow." She said and pushed me out the door, closing it.

I found her jeans on the other side of the room under a chair and went to the closet, I searched through some draws finding t-shirts and denim short shorts stuffed into the top draw, okay no PJ's in that draw. The next was training clothes. Then I found a draw with boxers and sweatshirts in it, I guess this was what she slept in because the only other draw was lingerie. So I grabbed clothes and just as I was about to knock on the bathroom door, I heard her quiet sobbing, without my Moroi senses I probably wouldn't have heard it.

She cried for the next five minutes and then turned off the water and stopped,

"Adrian, did you find me clothes?" she called.

"I think so, I wasn't quite sure because you have such a _great_ organisational system." I called back and moved to the bathroom door.

She opened the door in her bathrobe and I passed her the clothes, "yeah, this is fine." Then she closed the door and I went to sit on the bed. A minute later she came back out and sat beside me,

"This is a really obvious question, little dhampir, but I need to ask. How are you?"

She sighed, "I don't know."

I took her hand, "Rose, Promise me you won't let this happen again."

"I can't. I can't even promise you that I won't let this happen tomorrow."

I looked at her, "This was just for tonight, wasn't it? Tomorrow you'll go back to sitting in dark corners and not answering the door. Then if I do get through the door, I probably won't get you to eat or drink. You let me have my way tonight."

She shrugged, "I'm not going to make any promises. Tomorrow I might not be Rose, the day after I might not be here at all."

I looked at her sharply, "He wouldn't have let you do this, and he would have knocked some sense into you. Do you think now, that he's just going to stop caring because he's not here?"

She gritted her teeth, "He's not here. That's the point."

I let go of her hand, "I see."

Then I stood up and walked towards the door, but her voice stopped me.

"Adrian, please don't leave me." She crawled under the covers of the bed as I walked to sit beside her,

Softly she whispered, "Just don't leave me."

I stroked her hair back from her face, "Never."

A/N: Okay, tell me what you think and check out 'If there was love.' –Its 3500 words so a bit longer than this. It shows more of the feelings or desperation and despair Rose is feeling after the loss of Dimitri than this. But it's got a lot of dark humor which I think would be scary to see from Rose. It refers back to frostbite as well so please look at it.

This chapter:

I said I'd tell you why other things didn't work.

Different Characters:

Lissa: Wouldn't have made Rose talk.

Christian: Wouldn't have shown the love etc.

Eddie: I can't write Eddie without him sounding Lame and stupid.

A Guardian: They would have dragged her to the clinic.

Different endings:

More romance: Wouldn't have worked for the rest of the story. (But I did write a romantic ending in 'If there was love.')

More crying: You wouldn't get to hear what's going through her head.

Less talking and sanity more silence: Again, that's boring.

So I did try really hard to make this perfect.

Xx Girl on Sunshine.

Please review.


	9. Words Just Aren't Going To Help

A/N: I need more review to continue

Chapter 9:

Ever wanted to know what goes bump in the night and gives you a fright? Maybe that was what Adrian was searching for that night, to find what the source of his unease was and to make peace with it.

Unfortunately what he found was Rosemarie Hathaway.

The rescue mission that night was not wasted on Rose. But as she lay back in bed with him at her side she did not see Adrian Ivashkov stroking her hair and whisper that everything would be okay. No, Rose had someone else in mind; she saw her dead lover and mentor, Dimitri Belikov. He had many times calmed her in her personal storms using these exact words in a hushed voice as Adrian was now.

Maybe Adrian didn't realise it then but as she drifted further into sleep it became more obvious. She softly whimpered his name as silent tears fell down her cheeks not knowing in the blackness of sleep that someone was watching her. Adrian was still awake, so were Lissa and Christian though. Rose would be quite disturbed if she were awake for this and sucked into Lissa's mind but then again, Rose's emotions would over-power Lissa's in fact they would probably overpower all the students at 's emotions combined.

Lissa and Christian sat in the Church Attic with a few candles lid around them. Lissa had decided to bring them up for lighting a few weeks before. They both spoke in soft voices so that nobody would know they were there.

"Christian..." Lissa groaned.

"Lissa, I'm just telling you the truth. You asked why she'd be up there not leaving for food or drink and sitting alone in darkness all day, well, it is not impossible that she is hurt or worse. We have to think about these things." He said in a stern but still quiet voice.

"I know, I know. It's Rose though, she wouldn't! I know she could never do that. She wouldn't leave me. Ever, she's just going through a rough patch. She'll be –" Lissa choked on a sob and looked away from his piercing, icy blue stare.

"Lissa, I don't want you to be sad but I think we need to figure something out, she's not going to suddenly decide that she's okay, even if she is Rose." He stated as he caressed her arm.

Right then he reminded Lissa so much of what Rose used to be like that she cried even more and buried her head in her knees as she brought them to her chest.

He didn't understand and moved to sit behind her, pulling her into his lap, in a concerned whisper he spoke into her ear, "You're okay, I'm sorry. Shh... Rose will be fine. Don't worry about her, she's just fine. She'll be curled up in her warm bed now, fast asleep and dreaming of something wonderful. You don't need to worry about her tonight. We'll think of this in the morning, I'll figure something out." He kept whispering until she had calmed down and was wiping the tears off her face.

She looked around at him, "No talking about it tonight?" She asked as if she hadn't heard him.

He smiled at her, "Nope. I have better ideas for tonight."

She smiled curiously, "Oh?"

He leaned forward and kissed her slowly in reply, she turned around to face him and kissed him back but he pulled away and turned his head to the side. She was confused; it wasn't like that was unexpected. After a moment he slowly turned back and looked down at her sadly,

"I don't know if I'm ready for this yet..." He said shyly, batting his eyelashes at her.

She grinned wickedly, "Oh, Shut up." She laughed and kissed his nose teasingly.

When he tried to kiss her again she pulled back looking shocked, "You're not ready." She stated in a disgraced whisper.

He winked at her and kissed her again until they had to catch their breath,

"Oh, I'm ready." He said smiling at her and playing with a piece of her hair.

Adrian was starting to drift to sleep but he sat up and decided to get his thought together. He needed to talk to Rose but he couldn't say it and she wouldn't listen. So as a last resort he decided to write a note for her. He grabbed one of her notepads and pulled out a page, getting a pen from the desk.

_Rose,_

_I'm always here for you. I'm not going to desert you._

_I know it's hard but you can make it through this. _

_It's what Dimitri would have wanted; do you think he asked you to kill him just so that he could destroy your future? I didn't know him very well so tell me if this is incorrect but he wasn't that person, he cared about you._

_I don't expect you to read this and decide to be okay – that's impossible. But just keep trying, they say time will heal all wounds – they lie. Time will only heal what you work to repair and that's hard. Go to classes when you think you're ready even if you don't want to. _

_I can't imagine how much pain you're in but I can watch you and I can feel it. When you were sleeping you were so sad, not peaceful like you should be. I figured it must be bad when even sleep is no escape. _

"_Give me your hand and I'll help you up." Little Dhampir, I'll help you up or just help you whenever you want me to._

_You know how terrible I am at this sort of thing, but I had to try. Please don't hate me more for this. _

_Can you please just tell me when you're okay? Not even great just okay. Only tell me when it's the truth and I'll understand._

_Love always,_

_A._

He needed her to be okay, she was the only girl who could make him feel like crying just by hating him. She was the exception to everything in his life. Broken-hearted from the realisation that whoever helped her would be her worst enemy right now he sat on the floor and fell asleep.

Christian and Lissa went their separate ways to bed, each thinking of Rose as they had agreed not to.

So this night it seemed nobody needed a reason for anything and they were not each other's reasons. They were the last ones to find peace in 's Academy that night, if they did find peace. It seemed that peace was now more like 'distressed' for the bonded best friends – Rose and Lissa.

A/N: Now that you've read that, I think it would be nice if you paid attention to this.

I have a poll on my page please vote and I'll write another VA fanfic. I know the poll isn't related to VA but I decided to be unfair. You want another fanfic with Dimitri in it this time, then come and vote!

Oh, Thanks for reading and REVIEWING! I just know you're going to.

Otherwise I'm not going to keep writing!

Xx Girl-on-sunshine.


	10. Confused or Confusing?

A/N: Come on everyone! You can do better than that. Review.

I'm going to put up this really short chapter but then I'm going to put up the next chapter at the same time, so it's not really short, it's just split up into two chapters. Okay? Some more action in this...

Enjoy!

Chapter 10:

Diary POV

_Dear Dimitri,_

_I find myself back in that forest with you, in my dreams._

_So I guess you haunt my mind night and day. But then again, you always did._

_Then I must still love you._

_As requested by psycho counsellor guy, I'm going back to school._

_What part of 'I don't want to be a guardian' gives you 'Going back to guardian training'?_

_I suppose this is Alberta's way of twisting my life even more._

_Adrian was here last night, in the morning I told him to get lost or I'd personally strangle him. I don't know why, but I can't stop pushing everyone away. He is repulsive to me, Lissa is as well._

_I'm going to sleep now, forever thinking of you._

_I can't forgive myself for what I did to you,_

_But I can't stop feeling this pain either._

_Love always,_

_Rose._

A/N: As I said, short. Rose can't bear to write more. However, I can. I am posting the next chapter now.


	11. Bonded is the Hollow Night

A/N: This may be short, weird and random but it has a point. I have 3 other view points on her first day back, so in the next few chapters I'll reveal that. Who wants a flashback? Because I'm going to give you a flashback just to confuse you! Not in this chapter. That would ruin the surprise. Please Review.

Chapter 11:

What is bonded to the hollow night? What does 'together' mean to the heartless? What does Lissa mean to Rose?

Behind each lock is a key and beyond that locked door is a person, a soul. The key to Lissa was Christian and Rose, nobody else knew her quite like they did. But behind Rose was Dimitri, no one else. Before Dimitri anyone would have bet their life that Lissa and Rose knew everything about each other, but now Lissa was outside the door and the key was gone.

Was this door, with Rose behind it, unchangeable? Could you replace the locks and find a new key?

Rose thought of Lissa as she stood up and went to have a shower, as she looked out the window.

Lissa, her best friend, she thought. It was a habit to call her that, she no longer felt as if they knew each other, understood each other. Rose understood Lissa, the reason for her killing Dimitri.

She sighed, getting dressed for her first day back at school.

Vasalissa sat in the cafeteria, beside Christian and Adrian, sipping an orange juice.

"So you got into her room?" She asked.

Adrian nodded and Christian high fived him. It was an automatic response; he didn't feel happy about this. Adrian's tone did not indicate that everything was okay.

Adrian's voice was calm and terrifying at the same time as he continued,

"Rose is still Rose, which is probably the good news. As long as she is Rose, she will heal. That isn't to say that she is fine, she isn't. She hadn't eaten or slept in a long time, she had rings under her eyes and she was _so pale_." His voice shook at the end only then giving away his true feelings.

"What happened?" Lissa asked cautiously.

"She let me help... Then in the morning she threatened to kill me if I didn't leave. She wasn't joking. I did get her to have a shower and some food and get into bed, which is a huge improvement."

Christian sighed, "You tried."

That was all it took to end the conversation. The school bell rang and they went their own ways to class. So did Rose. As she walked into the gym for training, people openly stared. Nobody really knew what had happened to her, other than what they could see.

To an observer Rose had seemed a little depressed but otherwise she seemed fine then one night she didn't come to diner. All the guardians run to cars and some people say that they saw them come back with Rose being carried by Ivashkov. Rose is missing from class for days and her friends all seem stressed and anxious. She comes back with circles under her eyes, washed out skin and a dull expression on her face.

Everyone in this class was a friend to Rose, it was all dhampirs.

But the next class was mixed between Moroi and Dhampirs, some of whom saw Rose and took it as an opportunity to test her. Maybe she wasn't a threat anymore, she didn't seem so popular. She wasn't being social or sarcastic, so they took their chance and baited her.

"Rosemarie! What happened? You look like someone just killed a baby. Ooh, Ivashkov's child was it?" They leered.

Rose didn't need to say anything; she gave them a death glare that said 'Don't-Mess-With-Me' as clearly as shouting it would have. Subtly, she raised her hand as if she was going to slap someone then used it to brush back her hair, causing many people to wince in anticipation.

She walked to her seat and everyone avoided looking in her direction, catching her gaze. They avoided her.

She was bonded to no one, heartless as the hollow night, not understanding the meaning of 'together'.

But everyone knows that after the night comes the day, the light and joy of a new beginning.

A/N: What shall the flashback be? Review! I'll post names of those who get it right!

Ideas for this story are welcome.

Thanks!


	12. His Mistakes are My Life

Chapter 12:

Adrian's POV

Songfic – His Mistakes by Usher.

_The night before Rose had returned to classes (The night after he broke into her room)_

I sat with a bottle of vodka in hand, watching the sunshine slide through the gaps in the blinds. Why couldn't Rose have loved me? She wouldn't be in pain now, she'd be happy and I'd be happy.

_Do I remind you of the pain  
That he put you through, girl  
Is that the reason I'm to blame  
Before I do it…  
Is it because he, treated you so badly  
I always stand accused  
Protecting yourself, from somebody else  
I'm not who's hurting you_

Rose hadn't let me help her last night, she'd let him help her. Then in the morning when she could see her mistake and remembered he was gone, she threatens to strangle me. How very appropriate, she is so breath-taking and amazing. __

And it's killing me girl you compare me to him  
Always guilty before the sin  
I can't win, I can't win  
I'll do anything to prove I love you  
Baby girl would I refuse to  
Pay for something I didn't do  
I love you, girl  
But I refuse to stay  
Paying for his mistakes  
  
_He left a scar across your heart  
I understand, girl  
Don't let his wrongs tear us apart  
Cause girl I'm your man_

I don't have to know the details to know that the last time she saw Dimitri was not a happy reunion, she had killed him, screamed at the world for his loss yet held onto their love.

_And it's killing me girl you compare me to him  
Always guilty before the sin  
I can't win, I can't win  
I'll do anything to prove I love you  
Baby girl would I refuse to  
Pay for something I didn't do  
I love you, girl  
But I refuse to stay  
Paying for his mistakes  
_  
_I know he did you wrong  
But tell me what does that have to do with me_  
_Trying to show you something real  
Figure out what is going on  
Before you look up and I'll be gone..  
I'll do anything to prove I love you  
Baby girl but I refuse  
To pay for something I didn't do, girl  
I love you, and I love you I love you_

A/N: I know that some of the words aren't perfect but it's like poetry, it's not the words making sense that matters. I know some of you would have preferred a real chapter but this is, the songfic was just part of it. I don't take credit for the lyrics or the characters. Usher and Richelle Mead own them. More on Rose's first day back soon.


	13. The Thorns are Cutting the Rose

A/N: Sorry this took so long!

I accidently put the wrong numbers on my chapter and had 14 twice and no 13.

But I finally realised my mistake and this is chapter 13.

I feel horrible for leaving you with a songfic last time! Sorry!

But I had to let you know Adrian's feelings!

SPIRIT BOUND is released tomorrow! YAY! I'm going to read it tomorrow night, but I have written some chapters that just need editing so you won't have to wait for long.

I hope you love this short & sweet chappie but beware the next one is like 5 pages long! I might split it into a few chapters. It is the saddest chapter yet. I wanted to cry writing it. Seriously.

Chapter 13:

Diary POV

Dimitri,

Well, what can be said about today... It was excruciating.

I wish you would come back, really I need you. I need... life, again.

I need a reason to live which you offered with support everyday at training but now is lost.

It feels like night, numb and cold, dark and unforgiving in my life.

I went back to classes today not by choice.

I hate everyone but when I see my old friends something in the back of my head is screaming that I need to go to them, be with them. The voice is familiar and Russian, like a shadow of your voice before the attack.

I feel the safety of the academy suffocating me as I walk blindly between classes. So safe that I cannot escape, cannot breathe.

You once told me that I had your heart. I question that, because I don't have any heart, much less one as pure as yours.

I remember making snow angels together a long time ago, with the man I loved and adored, learning to be the person who could protect Lissa.

Lissa... I can't do anything about her right now. I have to focus on myself because she's got everyone else.

Does that make me a bad person? Probably. But what else do I have to lose? I have lost my life, my love, my heart, my future. What can touch me now?

I'm lost but I'll always be yours,

Rose.


	14. Signs

Hey, I'm not sorry how long it's taken because of how great the chapter after this will be! I sound vain don't I? I'm not. I just really love the next chapter, objectively.

This chapter is for meant4ivashkov because she said the story was fantabulous. XD (and because she reviews when I'm bored). Bet you didn't expect and update this soon!

Reviewing is good! It makes me update and everybody loves updates!

Chapter 14

Eddie's POV

I walked to fourth period training in the gym, rumours were like wild fire here and one was burning through the school with rapid destruction. Rose was back. Adrian Ivashkov walked up beside me with his usual, lazy smirk, like the royal he was but his eyes were dark – The only give way that he wasn't as arrogant as he seemed.

"Hey." I said in acknowledgement.

He waved a hand in response but didn't bother with greetings, "A little birdie told me something. Our Rose is taking her classes again."

I looked at him nodding, "Yeah, I heard the same thing but I didn't see her at break. I also heard a few other things which aren't going to make her very happy. She had an abortion because you got her pregnant. She's not friends with Lissa anymore. She's not dangerous. That one I don't believe but basically that is the popular group's way of telling everyone to eat her alive, social murder."

He laughed, "Homicidal teenagers..." then in a more serious tone, "I just... I don't know. I miss her, I worry about her." He shook his head, gazing at the sky then looked back at me with a bright smile and started jogging backwards, "I'll see you at lunch!" He yelled happily, turning and running into the dorms. I could see why people thought he was shallow, one moment he had look to be in despair and then he collected himself and put a mask of contentment on, blocking his emotions.

I smiled slightly as I opened the doors to the gym and walked in, shouting hellos to friends and receiving some high fives. We stood around talking; the teacher was getting equipment ready. Everyone stopped talking and stared in the direction of the door. I couldn't see through the crowd but I heard the door drift closed.

Rose was making her way through the crowd and people were gaping. She looked terrible. She put her bag down and tied her sneakers as if she were somewhere else, alone. I saw her gaze drift to the punching bag and then her hands and a tear slid down her cheek. This was where she had trained every morning. With Guardian Belikov.

She looked around at the people's faces staring at her and her lip trembled, just for a second. She covered it by turning her face hard and defiant. It was the first sign.

The teacher called for attention and told us to pair up, explaining the techniques and how we were to practice them. In slow motion. Ah, the joys of being a novice.

I remembered Mason and I laughing as we practiced in slow motion, before Spokane and suddenly felt a protectiveness over Rose. She was like a sister in some ways and I owed it to Mason to look out for her.

When the teacher dismissed us, I jogged over and stood in front of Rose. She looked worse up close, dark circles under her eyes, her cheeks were shallow, her skin pale. Rose wasn't really back.

"Hey, so did you get what the teacher was saying?" I asked to make sure she was listening, she looked detached.

She nodded.

"Okay, then I'll start?" I asked wishing she would talk but her only response was to get into position to block.

I started going through the steps mechanically, extending my arm half way, moving my weight to my left foot, bring my right foot forward and balancing my weight on the ball of my foot as I kicked. All in slow motion with careful, refined movements.

"Rose..." I said, trailing off, lost for words.

She placed her hand under my foot as I raised it and pushed up, effectively blocking me and – if done at normal speed – making me lose my balance. She didn't reply and showed no signs of having heard.

"I ..." I started again, moving into a defensive position and nodding for her to take her turn at attacking.

She changed position and copied my earlier movements and I blocked her. She blocked my next attack which was a round house kick and I moved into defence again.

I sighed as she looked around again at the students, who were practicing,

"I.." _am sorry_, I thought without saying it, "I hope you feel better soon." Was what I ended up saying.

Rose's lack of response earlier threw me off guard and I looked out the window as if the sky held the answers.

Rose wasn't distracted and did the round house kick, only not in slow motion and not aimed at my hand as the teacher had instructed. That was the second sign.

She hit my chest and I stumbled back, trying to catch my balance but I was knocked back farther by a hard punch to my jaw. I grabbed my jaw and saw Rose stare at her hands, wincing as she watched me fall, a look of horror mixed with hate in her eyes. She seemed confused.

Everything seemed to stop at the same time, I hit the ground, the noise stopped, people stopped.

Until Rose started to run, grabbed her bag and bolted out of the gym. The third sign. Her footsteps echoed and the noise started again,

"What the hell?" One of my friends yelled, running over.

"What happened?" The teacher asked calmly, watching the door swing closed.

"Nothing, it's fine." I stated and stood up.

People were whispering, but the teacher nodded and pulled out a phone, I could hear her as she walked away,

"Alberta? Yes. We had an incident, mmhmm, The boy says he's fine. Rosemarie left after apparently kicking and punching him. Yes, Hathaway. No, no. Eddie seems fine." She continued talking as she disappeared into the locker room.

Class continued until the bell rang and we hurried to lunch.

Rose didn't sit with us, she didn't eat. She walked into the cafeteria, glanced around then exited through the other side. The look in her eyes as if she were lost until she saw Lissa and her eyes sparkled with love that turned into fury and then agony. That was the final sign.


	15. Is This an Emergency or Questions?

You hate me. I know. Please don't. I have like 5 chapters to upload! It's my forgetting to upload not my forgetting to write! Of course I wouldn't forget if people reviewed, because I like making reviewers happy, so I try to upload when I read reviews.

Anyway, I know you can't wait anymore. This is like the crazy-worst chapter in the whole story. I think it was because I was reading Gossip Girl when I wrote it... Hmm... Never mind! It is kinda funny...

I don't own anything (in this story) you know what I mean.

Chapter 15

Eddie was seeing signs. Adrian was seeing darkness. Christian was seeing something so obvious, so fixable that it couldn't be fixed. They were all seeing Rose.

Rose wasn't seeing anything, flashes of light sparked thoughts that she refused to acknowledge.

Lissa's face. Smiling and young, before all this.

Dimitri's form the first time she'd seen him, outside the window hiding in the shadows.

Lissa's screams that night as she dreamed. The only reason she'd seen Dimitri outside the window.

Suddenly Lissa's feelings crashed into her, she'd been avoiding them, putting up a mental wall but it crumbled.

She got to her feet, not knowing where she was going, but desperate to get out.

Can you believe in dreams, Rose? Or are you too far gone?

Somewhere a clock was ticking, so cliché, thought Lissa. She hurried from the library, letting the cold, harsh wind whip her hair into her face and sting her eyes.

But there was a clock ticking, one the guardians were watching carefully. Waiting to catch late students after curfew.

Why are you bothering with curfews and small issues of the naive, Dragomir Princess? Whatever happened to best friends forever? I think you are forgetting that those with big hearts may have more room for love in their hearts but also more to shatter, a greater space to fill when that heart is shattered.

Poor Vasalissa, you're forgetting more than the time, you're forgetting what life really is - Not that simple.

Adrian wondered what had happened to Rose. He missed her. Only, he knew all too well what had happened to her.

He wondered if it would have been better if he'd convinced her to love him before the attack on or if it would have been better to leave her alone so she could love Dimitri fully, spend all the precious time she had, with him.

Too little, too late, Ivashkov, daddy can't pay for this problem to go away.

Why do you care party boy? Has something happened to you, too? Call an ambulance, I think I'm delusional, this looks like love.

When is it too late to save someone?

Maybe this was the question they should have been asking themselves. Hello, nobody cares about curfew or whether you made the right choice, Rose certainly doesn't.

Can you here the sirens? I'm calling this an emergency.

Oh and it's not short, it's fun-size, in a very dark way.

I'm uploading more chapters now so hold off on the sigh, it's not the end of the world.

If you don't review of course... well... bye-bye chapters.

Jokes... or maybe not. Review just to be safe!


	16. Pain is quiet, like the night

I got all excited when I saw I had a fan fiction email. It turned out to be for my story. Sigh.

Anyway, this is an EMERGENCY! See the red and blue lights? (I mean in the story sillies! The STORY is having an emergency.)

Please review.

Let me know if you were having a Kleenex moment reading this.

I feel so not cool when I hear everyone's fanfic story titles because their all sooo awesome. Mine are lame.

Chapter 16 

Lissa's POV

"I'm just so cold." She whispered trembling. The raw pain on her face was unnerving and she started to sob quietly, tearlessly. At first I was confused but I suppose it is like when people laugh so much that it's silent, she was in so much agony.

She lifted a shaking hand and brushed back her hair, her eyes beginning to tear then wiped her nose on her sleeve. Her chest shook uncontrollably with each wrenching sob as if it were being ripped out of her, my best friend. She lowered her head, hiding her anguish. A long sob made her shake so hard it looked like she was convulsing, I was so scared, watching with tears rolling down my cheeks, that I wanted to run, to hide, not to see her like this.

Because just seeing her was making me feel it all. I buried my head in her hair and she cried into my shoulder, a much deeper level of grief compared to that first day where she had screamed in anxiety. The tortured way her voice sounded as she spoke, low and terrified, broke my heart and I could understand why she hated everyone, why she wanted to suffer alone.

"Lissa... He's gone! He's gone, he's gone. My Dimitri..." She shook again and pulled away from me, lying on the stone floor. "I'm so sorry, please, please. I'm sorry, please, forgive me. Take away this pain, make it stop. I don't want to be here anymore." She whispered, shivering more from the cold ground.

Somehow, I knew that she wasn't talking to me anymore, that she was saying it so that she didn't have to keep it to herself. She was telling him, begging him. She knew him so well, how could she ever think he would be vengeful, he loved her. Even in death, he wouldn't have stopped loving her.

She stared at the ceiling, willing her words to be heard with such a broken look on her face, there was nothing I could do. To watch as the person you cared about the most in the world fell apart was one thing, I had seen Rose all week falling apart. But sitting next to her as she pleaded for an escape, as she broke down, as she clung to the remaining shards of her heart, killed me.

I cried, sobbing loudly and trying desperately to catch my breath, it felt like I was drowning. I needed this to be over, I wanted to take away her suffering. I couldn't, though, because I was drowning in her misery. Someone needed to save her. Guilt washed over me in tidal waves, I was breaking down when she needed me. A voice in the back of my head told me to be strong for her, a memory of Christian's words.

I listened hoping for a hint, how was I supposed to do that? The words drifted away and I felt alone, even with Rose sobbing and shaking beside me on the cold, hard floor. I stroked her hair, more tears rolling down my face.

"Please be okay, I'm sorry, too. Please." I whispered to her softly.

I couldn't think of anything, my mind was blank; I kept stroking her hair and whispering 'please be okay' while we cried. The dark, deserted hall seemed to ring out it was so quiet and still. My echoing sobs were all that could be heard. It was heart wrenching.

My head spun, my vision going black as I coughed and choked. I needed to stop crying because it was making me sick. I couldn't breathe without choking on cries. So I did the first thing I could think of, I pulled out my phone.

Christian was on speed dial and I put it on loudspeaker,

"Hey, Lissa?" He asked curiously, it was after curfew.

I held the phone up to speak but all I could do was sob louder.

His voice was dripping with concern and distress, "What's wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?"

I stuttered trying not to cough, my voice hitching with every breath, "I'm okay... Rose came... I... We're ... gym... lockers..." I choked out between sobs, barely coherent.

"Lissa? Oh god. Are you okay?" He breathed into the phone.

"Mmm..." was all I could manage before I started crying more, looking over at Rose. She was clutching her necklace, staring into space, whispering and shaking.

"Liss? I'm coming, what's wrong?" He asked calmly but something about his breathing was giving away his panic.

I looked at Rose again and clicked off the phone, curling up on the ground with my head buried in her back. She cried for a few more minutes silently before speaking,

"I did this, Lissa. He said... You... I had to... save you. I wish - he ...was here. Don't... leave me." She said in a sorrowful voice that was hard to understand, we were both crying heavily.

"Never." I whispered, wondering what she had been trying to explain.

We cried without speaking, using each other as a lifeline for an immeasurable period of time, it was one of those things that make time stand still, you don't want to look at a clock so you just sit, transfixed and overflowing with emotion.

Until someone breaks you out of it, like a vase smashing against the ground, shattering and ruining the perfect flower arrangement. The loud footsteps snapped against the stone, sounding like one and a hundred footsteps at the same time. Then he appeared, screaming in quiet chaos, accusing and urgent, worried and afraid, wondering what had happened. He wasn't loud, and after a moment he was talking into something at his ear, a phone I realised a moment too late. He snapped it shut and crouched down in front of Rose, looking at her and then me. The sight seemed to immensely depress him.

He sighed, "I love you both, it's going to be okay."

Christian walked around behind me and pulled me against him, I clung to Rose dragging her along with me. We both continued to cry and Christian seemed to give up on talking. He did love us both, I realised. He treated her like a sister, always teasing her but always concerned about her. Everyone who saw her in Spokane was like that with her. Everyone who was still alive.

After some time there were more footsteps banging through the gym and into the locker rooms.

Adrian gasped at the scene in front of him, "God, It's really happening."

He kneeled in front of Rose, caressing her cheek and wiping away a few tears then settling his attention on Christian who now had my head in his lap and Rose's head was on my shoulder, against his knee.

Adrian raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for an explanation.

"I don't know what happened, Lissa called me crying and I came to find them clinging to the floor, sobbing. I called you. They aren't talking, just crying. We can't just stay here." Christian said in a detached voice, stroking my hair with one hand and Rose's with the other, as a concerned parent would.

Adrian tried to smile but it looked extremely despondent, "Okay, well, you can all stay in my room tonight, easier than sneaking into any of the dorms. We should stick together. I can carry Rose if you've got Lissa?"

Christian nodded, mouthing 'thank you' to Adrian and whispering soothing things to Rose and I who were staring at the ceiling with tears streaming constantly.

Adrian picked up Rose bridal style and Christian lifted me up in the same fashion, I wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging to him.

We made it to his room seemingly invisible, what wasn't invisible was the dark tear stains on Christian's shirt. I looked at Adrian's shirt wondering how his was undamaged by Rose, he really should share the secret with Christian. Rose had streaks of foundation and mascara running down her face as she stood silently clinging to Adrian while he unlocked the door. Christian was still holding me securely in the hallway, rocking back and forth gently.

He smiled at me in a way that said 'I-saw-this-coming' but was equally sad and apologetic. Rose started whispering again and I wished Adrian had kept holding her. He had seemed to soothe her but now, she was on her feet again and going half crazy.

"Dimitri, Dimitri, Dimitri, Sorry, If you hadn't wanted to kill her I would never have done it. You have to understand, I'm her guardian! But how can you? I killed you, there is no place for forgiveness after that. It just hurts so much... Can't you stop it? Let me join you now! You wanted me before, before I killed you. Before I plunged that cold, hard stake into your heart-." She broke off sobbing as Adrian opened the door.

All will be explained soon...

Please review. This took me hours. Days, to perfect. It was the most intense, compelling chapter... Sigh. It was impossible. Anyway, please review. Even if you say it was the worst chapter you've ever read.


	17. Until it Turns Violents and Consuming

Okay so... I'm too tired to upload more tonight but if you have nightmares it's not my fault, not that my writing is that good.

Anyway, review or I will never give you more chapters! Lol.

Oh, btw, this chapter is epic, monumental, moving and really crazy and hard to understand.

Chapter 17

Rose's POV

Wordlessly Adrian picked me up again, comfort rushed through me as I met his gaze. Then I remembered why this was all happening and was flooded with guilt. It was my entire fault. Adrian was staring at me expectantly and not moving into the room. It confused me, why wasn't he going in? What was I thinking before? _It was my entire fault._ What was my fault? My mind reeled; my head spinning as the reality of it came crashing in. I'd killed Dimitri. I didn't deserve friends. I was pushing them away and then somehow I'd ended up crying at Lissa's feet? I'd made her cry. What a horrible person I was.

I'd stopped breathing, when? I couldn't remember. Adrian was looking at Christian. I could hear him talking, but it seemed distant.

"What are we going to do?" Christian looked concerned as he questioned Adrian.

Adrian had a small smile plastered to his lips but it seemed false, his eyes were sad and desperate. Something about his expression haunted me, it was... serious. He shouldn't look so old and knowing, he was Adrian. I had aged him...

"Can you stay with them out here for a moment? I'll go organise things."

Christian must have raised an eyebrow because Adrian explained,

"The windows open and the sunlight won't be good for Lissa. Plus I think it would be better not to leave empty bottles in Rose's path." He looked back at me sceptically.

It wasn't right for him to be caring about me this much. I didn't deserve it. If he knew what I'd done...

The memory crashed into me, I vaguely noticed Christian put Lissa down and sit against the wall, pulling her into his lap.

That night... The feelings poured into me all over again. Anxiety, Hesitation, Fear. Mostly fear.

Adrian sat me down next to Christian and kissed my forehead.

Christian stroked my hair as he kissed Lissa's neck.

I ran through a dark forest.

My vision slipped from Christian and Lissa to the trees, a figure stalked me.

My head spun and everything went black, then I was against a tree, red eyes penetrating my soul. Eyes that should have been brown.

_"No Rose, Don't you want to join me? Eternity together, Really together, forever."_

_I shook my head afraid to open my mouth, knowing I would say 'yes'._

In my mind I said yes, knowing what would come next. But it was unstoppable, fate at work. I should have dropped the stake but instead I raised it, poised and lethal.

_"Oh Rose, Don't be so pathetic. You're not going to do it so don't even pretend. When we're together we can rule the world... We can take down our enemies. Lissa can't control you anymore. We could end the Dragomirs! Everyone who every wronged us will pay!"_

How could his voice get that cold? He must have been lying. His voice was too cold, exaggerated even. He was lying. I was sure of it now. He would never hurt Lissa. But that didn't stop what happened next.

My stake pierced his heart. Slowly his eyes returned to brown and he spoke in a rough voice filled with pain,

_"I'm so sorry Roza, I love you. Be careful and don't do anything reckless. I'll never forget you, my strong Rose. You kept your promise. Thank you... I just wish... It wasn't this way. Love you. Always."_

This was a twisted nightmare, it couldn't be true. Internally I screamed. My vision flashed black again but this time stayed locked on a flashing image. In a millisecond the red eyes in my mind turned brown, staring at me. Seeing me, for the last time, and what would he see? A broken girl? His executioner? Or would he see me as what I was? Dying and heartbroken.

_"No Rose, Don't you want to join me? Eternity together, Really together, forever."_

My mind screamed the words at me. Over and over, loud and accusing.

My world snapped. One moment Dimitri's eyes stared at me with love, the next Lissa was crying hysterically and shouting my name. Christian pushed her back and I screamed, torn from Dimitri again. The pain was tangible. He looked startled for a second and then whispered,

"Sshh, Are you okay?"

I started wide-eyed at my surroundings. Adrian was jogging through the doorway, crouching in front of me.

"What happened?" he asked with an intensity that seemed out of place in his voice.

Christian shook his head as I started to cry again, "I think she fainted. But she's back now."

Adrian lifted me into his arms, "Let's go inside and figure this out."

Moments later I felt a pillow under my head, I was on a bed. I turned sideways and Lissa was lying there, weeping. She grabbed my hand and clung to it.

_"I'm so sorry Roza, I love you. Be careful and don't do anything reckless. I'll never forget you, my strong Rose. You kept your promise. Thank you... I just wish... It wasn't this way. Love you. Always."_

_You have nothing to be sorry for. I do not deserve your love and concern. Remember me as what? Your strong Rose? Sorry, I'm not strong. I wish I was. I'm a murderer. I wish the same, I mourn this life; I would trade anything for it not to be this way. To be with you..._

REVIEW!

Are you confused?

Is my writing that good? Are you crying? Having nightmares?

Should I even bother writing?

Could I possibly be a great writer who hasn't been discovered yet? No, but you should still review!


	18. Childish Wishes and Time to Grow up

Hi everyone!

So I hope you review this because it has taken a long, long, long, long time to finish.

This chapter may seem a little crazy, but I hope you keep reading and find out why some of the things that are happening are happening. If that makes any sense. If you have any questions please ask me, I'll reply to all signed reviews. This story is supposed to be sad at the moment, it isn't supposed to seem like Rose is sane... Also, it may seem like this is an AdrianxRose fic but I'm not trying to make it like that, the story is just flowing... you never know who may be back in it... some old characters may re-appear or not...

This is the first chapter that I've had a beta for, so thanks very much to **MyLifeIsEdwardCullen, **who was very fast to reply.

This is 12 pages on word, so everyone who complained about short chapters, there! XD

**Chapter 18**

**Adrian's POV**

Christian and I paced in front of the bed, Lissa and Rose seemed incapable of stopping this breakdown.

Christian walked impatiently; he hated this as much as I did.

"What should we do?" He asked for the fifth time.

I stood still, watching Rose. I needed to do something... my best idea yet was for everyone to get drunk. Somehow that didn't seem appropriate. Maybe if I talked it through I could think of something...

"I don't know. I just don't know. How did this happen? We need Lissa to be sane. Maybe we should work on that first. She could help with Rose. This is even harder because they're girls, I mean if it was guys then it would be easy – go do something crazy. Not that guys would be crying... Wait. I have an idea. Girls normally have chocolate and ice cream when they're sad in movies. We can have a mini-sleepover party." I spoke to myself, most of it ridiculous.

Christian smiled, "Okay that is just the sort of thing I expect from you, party boy. You could be right though. Can you even organise that?"

"Yep," I pulled out my phone, "I just need to make some calls."

I called and organised the food, then I called the guardian's office.

"Hey, it's Adrian Ivashkov."

"Oh. Good Evening, Lord Ivashkov."

"Yeah, thanks. I ordered some food; can you bring it to my room when it comes? I would come get it but I can't leave right now. I'm kinda busy."

The guardian sounded disapproving, "Lord Ivashkov! This is highly inappropriate. Not to mention how unsafe it is for you to be ordering food from outside the school. Guardians are here to_ guard_ you, not be your servants."

"I understand that. Can you please make an exception?"

The guardian coughed, "Lord Ivashkov," she paused, considering. "This is not the court; do not let this happen again."

I smiled, "Thank you."

She hung up.

Well, so much for being polite.

Christian was on the bed between Rose and Lissa, speaking to Lissa quietly.

"Liss, I know it's hard. But we have to be strong for Rose. Adrian and I need you. Rose needs you. She's having a breakdown. We can't handle both of you having breakdowns. Can you be strong?"

She sniffled, clearly not sure if she could.

I ignored Christian as he continued trying to persuade her. I sat beside Rose. If I still knew her then she would be easier to talk to than Lissa, she was strong. But a lot had changed. Maybe I was wrong about her, still I had to try.

"Little Dhampir, Are you okay?"

She didn't look like she was going to answer, so I continued.

"You fainted before. Then you were screaming. What happened? Can you tell me? Please?" I pulled her up against the headboard so she was partially sitting.

She looked at me for a moment considering, then in a haunted voice, spoke. It was eerily calm and resolved like nothing could change her words.

"_Eternity together, We could end the Dragomirs! I just wish... It wasn't this way, Why's life so unfair? I need your stupid Zen comments! Rose, you need to stop. You will stop. You will sleep until we get back to the academy. I don't want you to scream anymore. So you will stop."_

I remembered some of what she was saying, from when I'd used compulsion on her, the rest seemed like quotes taken and mixed together, dark and terrifying. I didn't understand what they meant but I knew when they'd been said, and by who. This must have been her and Dimitri's final encounter.

I shook my head, "Rose, this isn't right. You can't torture yourself with the past. You're killing yourself, you're killing Lissa."

She looked lost, like a little girl who'd lost her mother at the park. Her voice was weak, vulnerable.

"Can you help me?"

It seemed so out of place for Rose, normally she rejected all support. Somehow, this wasn't Rose. I think it was part of her, a part that had been forgotten. She'd been independent for so long, I don't think she recognised herself. I didn't know how to react to that, so I treated her like a little girl. I don't know how this will help her be Rose again but it will help right now.

"Sure, Sweet Heart. I would never let anything happen to you. I'll be here, always."

She smiled and crawled onto my lap, hugging me. I held her there and whispered gently into her ear,

"You're not okay, huh?"

She stayed there, thinking. Finally she whispered, "I don't know what else to do. Can't I just pretend for tonight? I trust you. You'll look after me. You promised. Tonight, I just need to be... helpless."

I nodded and she pulled back, looking at me expectantly for what to do next. I wasn't very good with children. Rose wasn't a child but I was still a little out of my depth. Christian spoke, saving me. It was directed at Rose, his face bright and kind.

"Adrian is having a slumber party, it should be fun. Do you want to get changed into pyjamas?"

I laughed lightly, "It will be more than fun. It will be incredible."

She giggled and took Lissa's hand, "Let's go get changed."

They crawled off the bed and Christian whispered for me to get them clothes, I nodded, running to the draws and searching for clean clothes. Thankfully I found two shirts that smelt fine and were probably big enough to be dresses on them. Short dresses.

As they walked into the bathroom with the shirts, Christian sighed.

"This is strange." I stated.

"Indeed, I thought they were going to start singing wiggles songs." He smirked.

"Mm, but at least they're coping. The food should sober them up."

He looked amused, "It is funny to see. So, we just play along?"

I nodded, "Yeah, until we think of something else."

He laughed just as Rose and Lissa walked out, holding hands again but in the shirts. They whispered something to each other and Rose spoke,

"Are you going to get changed? Sleepovers are more fun in pyjamas." She seemed serious.

Lissa giggled, "Rose wants you to get changed out here!"

Christian and I shared a look and frowned, other than it being odd of them to act like kids that implied both of us... Rose wasn't into Christian like that – I hoped.

Rose looked shocked "No! Eww! Liss!"

Lissa laughed and jumped onto the bed, pulling Rose with her. Rose sat down and Lissa kneeled behind her, slowly braiding Rose's hair. Like most little girls do, Rose wanted to tell us every detail of her life.

"Lissa promised she'd do my hair for me because she wants to be a hairdresser. No, that's just our joke, but she's really good at doing people's hair. She could do yours. Like at real sleepovers. We could have makeovers! Oh, wait. No. You don't get a makeover."

Christian looked outraged, "Why not?"

She giggled and whispered to Lissa, who hit her arm to make her hold still. Lissa looked very serious as she explained,

"Because you can't. Rose and I are best friends. That's why we give each other makeovers. You can't have makeovers. Besides, you're boys." She said it like the most simple, obvious thing in the world. You're boys. Right.

Christian smiled at his girlfriend, "What's wrong with boys?"

Rose bit her lip trying not to laugh; she obviously thought it was very clear what the answer was. Lissa just shook her head and gave Christian a 'you-can't-be-serious' look.

I had no desire to find out what they were talking about. I looked at their auras trying to figure out why Lissa was being childish. Rose's aura showed how miserable she was but there was true happiness there as she and Lissa laughed and whispered about Christian. Lissa's was golden and it looked pure – like a child.

They must both be brain damaged from crying so much. But somehow, I understood. I understood it all, why Rose was so depressed, why they were acting like this, why Christian was helping them.

He walked into the bathroom and came back with an elastic hair tie.

Lissa thanked him and I raised an eyebrow, I didn't tend to keep hair ties in my bathroom.

"It was in the pocket of her jeans." He stated and handed it to Lissa, "Can I have a makeover now?"

She smiled, tying off the braid. Then she pointed at the bed and Christian sat down. Rose turned to stare at wall thoughtfully. I walked around the bed to her and sat beside her.

Lissa ran her fingers through Christians hair thoughtfully and then messed it up roughly.

"There you go." She told him happily and jumped onto his lap.

I wrapped my arms around Rose and kissed her cheek. She rested her head against my chest and tried to tickle me.

"Rose, what are you doing?"

"You're not ticklish. That's not fair!" She said indignantly.

I smiled, "'Course it is, Sweetie." Then I tickled her.

She laughed and with clumsy yet still guardian-fast movements tackled me back onto the bed. She refused to believe that I wasn't ticklish and continued trying until she was on top of me, straddling my waist. I don't know how far the 'child' pretence went for her, if she realised how provocative she was being. I didn't say anything and she stayed where she was, tilting her head to the side.

"You are an alien.' She finally decided.

"Ah, why do you say that?" I questioned.

"Because you are."

"Oh. Okay." I agreed.

She laughed and crawled off me.

Christian was staring at Lissa, searching her eyes. Probably wondering the same thing I had. I knew she loved Rose, but it seemed odd that she was having a breakdown over Rose having a breakdown.

She smiled at him and walked over to Rose. They whispered together and then sat on the floor.

"What are you up to, girls?" He asked.

Lissa, who was apparently being the serious one, listened to Rose for a moment and then as her spokesperson/ translator told us,

"You need to change into your PJs or else it won't be fun. We have agreed to let you use the bathroom. Hurry up." She motioned for us both to go into the bathroom.

"Lissa, we're not best friends. We don't get changed at the same time like you and Rose, which would be weird." I explained.

Lissa nodded thoughtfully, "Then who is your best friend?"

I grinned and spoke sincerely, "Rose."

Her brow furrowed, "But she's my best friend."

I laughed, "She can be both of our best friends."

She grumbled something and then said, "Fine. Who is Christian's best friend?"

I looked at him and he laughed, "Um, that is a hard question... let me think..."

Lissa shot him a look which clearly said 'wrong' and Rose shook her head sadly. Lissa spoke to Christian firmly, like he was the one with a problem.

"You tell Adrian and he tells me." She rolled her eyes.

He gave me a 'they're crazy' look and I shrugged. He leaned over and whispered Lissa in my ear and I smiled and turned to her.

"Christian says his best friend is Lissa."

"Me Lissa?" She asked.

Christian whispered yes and I repeated it to her.

"You could have just said that he said I was his best friend. Jeesh."

Christian leaned toward me and whispered, "Ask her if I can talk now."

I laughed, "Can Christian talk now?"

She nodded and Rose grinned, "It doesn't matter anyway 'cause boys can't talk."

There was a knock on the door and a feeling spread through me, somehow I knew that this game of happiness was about to end.

I stood up and answered the door. A guardian stood with 2 bags, one full of little boxes of Chinese food. I took the first bag and set it on the table next to the door then he handed me the other, which contained four containers of chocolate ice cream, a few blocks of chocolate and a box of cream centred chocolates.

The guardian was young and formal, his voice confident.

"Good evening Lord Ivashkov."

"Hi, thanks for bringing these up."

He nodded and bowed in standard Guardian etiquette. As I closed the door I felt a hand on my arm, tugging me back to the bed. Rose was dragging me along and Lissa had the Chinese. Christian was in the 'kitchen' getting cutlery. We all sat down on the bed and began to eat in silence.

Rose was the first to speak and she sounded more like herself,

"Thank you for the food, Adrian."

Lissa and Christian nodded their thanks and continued eating.

Rose stopped eating though and stared at the ceiling sadly,

"Thank you for trying to help, all of you." Rose continued after a moment.

Lissa spoke softly but was clearly back to normal, responsible Lissa.

"We are here for you, Rose. Please let us help."

Rose set her food aside and stood up, pacing. She looked back with tear-filled eyes,

"_I just wish... It wasn't this way."_ The same words from earlier.

I stood up and lead her back to the bed, handing her the food again.

"What does that mean? Why do you keep saying it?" I asked gently.

She choked on a sob as she took a deep breath, "He said it, right before he was gone. But his eyes... were brown."

I didn't understand and Christian seemed to be the same way but Lissa understood,

"Oh. That normally doesn't happen. Maybe..."

"Maybe there was something I could do!" Rose exclaimed.

"You did the right thing, Rose. You did what Dimitri would have done." Christian said honestly.

"Do you honestly believe that? That he wouldn't give his life to bring me back?" Rose argued.

"Rose, that's not what I'm saying. If he was forced into the situation you were, he would have done the same. It would have killed him, but he would have done it." Christian said calmly.

"Don't...Don't let this dictate your life. Don't be powerless, Rose. Everyone knows how strong you are and they _admire_ it. Don't stop being you. So many people depend on you... I depend on you. Please, don't become someone different." I put my heart into my words; using all the force and truth I could find to back my words. I did everything besides compulsion.

Lissa didn't let Rose respond, speaking directly at her with a power and importance that was almost harsh.

"Rose, stop scaring us. You need to mourn, I get that. It takes time. But you don't forget who you are just because you're mourning. You don't get to be Anna. The only reason you're going crazy is from guarding me all day, not because you needed help and we ignored you. You're hurting me now. I know you love me, because _we are _best friends. You can't say you don't. You can't do everything – you can't change the past. Tonight, we mourn him, we celebrate him, and we remember him. Tonight, we stand together even if we are weak. Tomorrow, we have to be strong."

_Wow_, Lissa didn't normally say things like that. Well, maybe she did. Rose was looking at her like maybe Lissa had done that before. But it was still amazing. She killed my speech. Killed it, mashed it up, ran over it and fed it to a strigoi.

Christian decided that he needed to give _another_ speech. No wonder they were perfect for each other.

"Rose, do you know what it was like hearing Lissa crying into the phone tonight? Do you know what it was like finding you both in the locker room? Do you know how it felt when you fainted and there was nothing I could do? How helpless and pathetic it feels to watch your friend scream and cry in agony and just stand there, _watching_? Don't you dare do that to me again, ever. Or to Lissa. I want Rose back."

"Tomorrow." Lissa added.

They both nodded and Rose looked a little stunned.

"Um, Okay...?" She said confused but agreeing.

Lissa and Christian nodded again and he kissed her whispering,

"I'm glad you're back but that was cute."

Rose looked to me. I didn't want to give another speech, I didn't want to accidently rub salt into her wounds.

So, I simply said "Huge tub of Chocolate Ice cream to soothe the soul?"

She smiled, "Ice cream can soothe the soul?"

"No, but a huge tub of chocolate ice cream can." I replied laughing.

"Will wonders never cease." She murmured as I handed her the tub and a spoon.

I laughed and pulled her into my side for a quick hug, I didn't want to let her out of my reach.

I wished I could hug her pain away. Everyone laughed and ate as much Ice cream as they could, then forced themselves to eat chocolates.

... ... ...

I was feeding Rose cream centred chocolates and she was dancing to some unknown song on the radio. We would probably all be sick soon. Lissa was spinning around with Christian and every time he passed the box of chocolates he would dip her backwards and feed her one. I think sugar is nearly as good as alcohol at getting people drunk. Or maybe that was the "hot chocolate" Rose and Lissa had been making for the last few hours, which tasted disgusting. It was hot chocolate powder, warm milk and vodka. And marshmallows. Couldn't forget the marshmallows.

Lissa and Christian moved on to more... adult themed dancing. While making out. Rose laughed at them and started dancing against my back. While eating leftover Chinese.

I averted my eyes when she and Lissa decided to do hand stands because they were in their "short dresses" aka my shirts.

After many more "hot chocolates" and the rest of the Chinese, ice cream and chocolates (a horrible combination) we finally stopped dancing. Rose had forced me to lay on the bed while she danced around me and fed me. She should never become a chef. She gave me a piece of chocolate and some sweet and sour chicken at the same time. I could still remember the taste.

We all crashed into my bed, squishing together, arms and legs tangled. I was pretty lucky really, I had the edge of the bed with Rose beside me. Unlike Christian who had been between Rose and Lissa until he convinced Lissa to switch. Rose had an arm around Lissa and one on top of me. Her legs were under mine – I had no idea how that happened. Lissa had somehow reached her hand over rose to pat me good night. She hit my face a few times in her version of a 'pat' before falling asleep. Apparently I was the last to crash.

That's the problem when you hold liquor better than everyone else. I was left to remember Rose's words.

Spirit users seem to have an uncanny ability to read people. Something told me Rose wasn't okay yet, that Lissa had said to be strong tomorrow but she had been doing it already. I just had no idea what to do with her. You can't just let people like her suffer – they don't get over it.


	19. Some Say Night, Others Say Morning

**A/N**: One review... That's the best you could do? There must be more than one person reading? I should change the summary...

Anyway, I was so close to posting one of those annoying chapters that's just author's notes, but you were saved. This time.

This chapter is short. It happens.

Disclaimer: Richelle Mead. That's all you need to know.

**Rose's POV**

I woke up a few hours after we had crashed ripped from a dream of Dimitri and me practicing. I was startled for the first few moments and confused. Christian had his arms around my waist; Lissa had her arms (and legs) around Christian and Adrian... Ah. Adrian had somehow moved closer to me and... Under me. To a witness right now it would look very inappropriate. I unwrapped myself from Christians arms carefully but couldn't escape Adrian. As soon as I started to crawl over him he moved, not wanting to wake him I held still.

One of his arms wrapped around my waist and I tried to pull it off gently but he was stronger than Christian. My head was pounding from too many 'hot chocolates' and I just wanted to go and get a glass of water and some panadol. After a few minutes of being gentle and careful, I still hadn't managed to escape Adrian's grip.

I gave up angrily throwing his arm off me and standing up. He moaned and rolled over, arms stretched out to the empty space where I'd been. He rolled back over, squinting.

"Rose...? Where are you?" He whispered.

I sighed and ignored his question going to the sink. I grabbed a glass from the cupboard quietly but the door swung shut with a bang. He stood up and walked slowly toward me.

"Rose?" He whispered again.

"Mm...?" I whispered back.

I filled the glass with water and felt around for the next cupboard handle, but in the dark my Dhampir vision could only go so far. Adrian's Moroi vision was apparently still fine because he took the glass from me.

"What are you doing up?" He asked and sniffed the glass.

"It's just water. I woke up so..." my words trailed off, I didn't want to explain.

He smiled into the darkness and opened a draw, holding up the box of tablets.

"Want these?" he asked.

"Yeah, thanks. I can't really see..." I said without my usual confidence

He handed me the glass again and opened my hand with his, placing two tablets in it.

Something about the simple gesture was enchanting, he didn't say anything but I felt the love radiating off him. I let out the breath I'd been holding, unsure how I felt. He was Adrian, I had just killed Dimitri. I still couldn't bear that thought, the guilt still so fresh and potent. It wasn't that his love gave me the same feelings – not at all. But he cared about me, this new Adrian who was deep and meaningful, who people looked to for advice. I had to react to that; I would have helped him if the situation had been reversed.

It's like looking through a window, I know that I need help; I know that I'm not dealing with everything very well but I can't stop it. I can look at it objectively but it does no good. So there was no point thinking about whether I had feelings for Adrian or not, it wouldn't change anything, not now. I cared about him but in this state of mind, what did that matter?

I swallowed the tablets without taking my eyes from Adrian. He was smiling, what was he thinking? Ugh, thinking plus hangover equals ouch, not such a good idea. I closed my eyes and he took the glass back.

"Rose, I understand. Not the headache though I've had plenty of those... What you're doing. You don't need to pretend for me. If you ever just need to be yourself, find me. It worries me that you keep all this to yourself when I can see how much you're suffering." Adrian spoke softly, kindly.

When he was done he leant in and kissed my closed eyelids, I opened them as he pulled away. The torment in his eyes, the concerned set of his mouth, he wasn't pretending. Then, just as quickly it was gone, replaced by the laid-back Adrian half smile. Maybe in his own way he had a guardian mask.

"Adrian..." I said hesitantly, I couldn't let him know there was truth to his words.

He smiled and shook his head, "No Rose, We had a deal. You're not okay. I get it."

I sighed and gave up on trying to be everything to everyone, maybe I didn't have to be everything to Adrian. Who would have guessed Adrian Ivashkov was the exception to that?

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and walked back to the bed,

"Little Dhampir, let's just... rest. You don't have to sleep, but I'll protect your dreams if you do. I'll protect you."

I smiled and he pulled me against him as we laid down. I buried my head in his chest and whispered good night.

He laughed quietly, "Good morning, Sweetie. Good morning."

I may have been imagining it but I thought I heard him murmur 'Love you' after a moment.


	20. Nothing is Small or Worthless  Part 1

**A/N**: Hello, 20 Chapters can you believe it? I only just noticed!

Disclaimer: Richelle Mead. That's all you need to know.

Christian POV

"Mm... Should we move them? Rose might think..."

"If she tries to think she'll realise that it feels like someone's throwing bricks at her brain."

Lissa sighed, "But I don't want to have her wake up in a bad mood."

"I'm sure she won't care. If she even notices, she's got to be used to guys sleeping with her as their teddy bear." I smirked; Lissa knew I didn't believe the rumours about Rose.

Lissa grumbled something and walked into the bathroom, closing the door with a soft click.

I looked over at the bed where Adrian slept with Rose in his arms; Lissa had woken me ten minutes ago. My head was pounding and we were already late for classes, but I didn't plan on hurrying.

Maybe I wouldn't go at all, I doubt anyone would notice.

Lissa walked back out, fully dressed with her hair styled into a braid. She didn't look like someone who had been up all night partying.

"Why aren't you dressed?" She demanded, walking towards the bed.

"You were in the bathroom, my head hurts and I don't want to go to school today. What are you doing?" I said.

"I'm waking Rose up so she doesn't miss classes. Christian! You have to go, now get ready... Or else." She chastised.

"I'm sick, I can't go to classes. Let Rose sleep..." I said, pleading with my eyes.

"Nuh-Uh." She mumbled before shaking Adrian's shoulder roughly.

"Lissa, why does he have to wake up? Must everyone suffer?" I questioned.

"Well... That does sound like an idea..." She mused, "But no, actually, I need him."

She _needed_ him? What happened to me, her boyfriend? The one who put up with her breakdown last night? What could he possibly do? I glared between Lissa and Adrian as he stirred and opened hi eyes.

He noticed Rose on top of him and grinned, before seeing Lissa and I,

"Good morning... Did she just wake me up? Seriously?" He asked incredulously.

"No, the tooth fairy woke you up. Of course it was Lissa, she _needs_ you." I said bitterly, turning my icy stare on her at the end.

He smirked, "Oh is it something dirty? It sounds dirty...Mm..."

"_Adrian_! Really..." Lissa said indignantly. He just smiled at her before lifting Rose carefully off him and standing up to stretch.

"So, what is this about?" He asked, finally serious.

"You need to wake Rose up, make her get dressed, make coffee – I tried but there was too many buttons on the machine – and convince Rose to go to school. That's all." She smiled sweetly at him.

"Not much then?" he asked sarcastically.

She nodded and went to stand next to Rose.


	21. Nothing is Small or Worthless Part 2

Hi everyone, Okay so I have a favour to ask of everyone who is reading this, because you are all awesome.

Can you please review and help me think of a new summary to get people to read because otherwise it will be very sad?

I will put the names of everyone who reviews on the authors notes of the next chapter, that means the faster you review the faster I can post...

And please tell me what you think of Rose's outfit... It may be mentioned by a certain fir-user in the next chapter...

Also, who predicts RosexAdrian and who wants _someone_ else to come –back-into the story? Hint: I'm not going to go totally off track so that you can have RosexMason!

Disclaimer: Richelle Mead and Google (for the t-shirt).

Rose's POV

"Rose..." A sing-song voice chimed.

"ROSE!" The same voice screamed, somewhere near my ear.

I jumped out of the bed, whirling around frantically, "What? What's wrong?"

Lissa straightened up and nodded at Adrian, tilting her head towards me.

"Coffee." He said nodding to himself and walked to the machine.

"Don't mind Crazy-1 and Crazy-2," said Christian nodding towards Lissa and Adrian, "Lissa is on a mission to get everyone to school and she's making Adrian help her. I tried to stop her but she's Lissa. Adrian just woke up so that's why he's out-of-it. Don't bother begging or the 'free will' idea, I already tried, it doesn't work." He grinned.

"Oh, _great_..." I said sarcastically.

"Cheer up, old pal, think of all the geometry we'll be learning today!" He smiled wickedly.

"Don't call me old pal." I said half-heartedly while stretching.

"Want me to call you baby instead?" He asked sweetly.

"Watch it, Fire boy." I teased.

"Lissa, Coffee!" Adrian yelled from the bench that was his 'kitchen'.

"Adrian, Shut up!" Christian yelled back, mimicking his tone.

"Someone's in a good mood today, too many hot chocolates?" I grinned at Christian.

"Your voice..." he said in an awestruck voice, "It sounds like... razors against a black board."

I laughed and walked over to Adrian, covering his eyes from behind.

"Guess who?" I whispered in his ear.

"Hey old pal or should I say baby?" he teased.

"Have you been having hot chocolates for breakfast again?" I asked him seriously.

He looked baffled, "No, why?"

In a flat voice I said, "Because you must be drunk to aggravate me..."

"Ha-ha. You are so funny, Rose." He said dead-pan.

"You know it!" I said cheerfully.

He shook his head, "Coffee?"

"I thought Lissa was coffee?" I laughed.

"What? Are you okay? That didn't make sense." He said raising an eyebrow with a half smile.

I shook my head at him, "I would love some coffee."

He smiled, pouring the steaming hot substance into a mug. I took it and sat on the couch, blowing on the top to cool it down. Adrian came and sat next to me, watching me carefully.

"Sooo..." I started awkwardly.

"Are you going to classes?" he asked.

"Christian said I didn't have much choice, apparently Lissa is making Christian and I go." I replied.

He nodded, "Yep. You should get ready, get dressed..." he said, his gaze sliding up and down over me.

I smiled at him, "You want me to get changed out here? Not surprising really..."

"No, that's not what I meant." He said tilting his head to the side grinning as if to say 'but that would be nice'.

"Lissa is in the bathroom, probably doing her hair or something. I guess I'll have to wait." I explained.

"Oh, but you two are best friends?" He smirked at me.

"Speaking of which, when we were talking about best friends it was implied that best friends got changed together. Christian said Lissa which is typical lover boy of him. You said me, are you hoping for best friend benefits?" I teased him.

"Oh, I think I could get the benefits other ways... I already have you in my clothes." He mused.

I rolled my eyes and noticed Christian standing up, "I'm going to make a break for it, I'll text her once I get to my room." He said.

"You can't leave me here. Come on, fire boy!" I pleaded with him sarcastically.

"See ya!" He said closing the door behind him.

"Save me?" I said hopefully to Adrian.

"Go get dressed." He said walking to his closet.

I sighed in frustration; at least the panadol hadn't worn off. I knocked on the bathroom door, walking in to find Lissa twisting her hair up. She smiled at me in greeting and looked back at the mirror, fixing her hair. I grabbed my jeans and pulled them on under Adrian's shirt. I picked up my t-shirt from yesterday to find it stained with dark patches. Tears from Lissa and I. What a great reminder.

"Oh no," Lissa sighed seeing the shirt, "Well... maybe if Adrian leant you something I could belt it and ... ADRIAN!" She called.

"Yeah?" He asked from the other side of the door.

"Fashion crisis," she explained, "I need a shirt that isn't that big and a belt. Please." She added the 'please'.

He chuckled, "Ah, Okay... I'll see what I can find."

I stared at her as she turned back to the mirror and pinned stray hairs back. A moment later Adrian knocked at the door,

"I have a t-shirt that says 'fresh to death' on it or a pinstripe shirt." He said in his best fashionista voice.

I laughed, "Why do you have a t-shirt that says 'fresh to death' on it?"

"I don't know, it's ironic? I don't really wear it, I got it with some friends..." I could almost hear him shrugging.

"T-shirt please." Lissa said walking over to open the door.

"Adrian handed it to her with a thin black belt. Lissa mumbled something like 'this will have to do' and walked back towards me.

"Put this on." She ordered handing me a black shirt with fluoro green writing, it was too big but it wasn't comically huge on me.

"Okay..." She moved quickly to my side, her hands flittering around me with the belt, adjusting the t-shirt until it looked almost stylish.

"Could be worse." She said standing back. I grumbled a reply as she walked out of the room. I stood there, remembering the night before. Mentally I sent a message to Dimitri:

_So much has happened in such a short time, but I still love you. It has just made it that much harder to pretend to be okay, with people watching. But I feel better, if only by the smallest fraction, having people I love around again. Don't forget how much I love you._

I stood staring at the mirror, not convinced I was really here. The person staring back at me was older than I remembered and signs of the night before were all over her face – the puffy, bloodshot eyes, the dark circles. She looked like someone who was about to collapse from exhaustion at any moment, the dark circles and red eyes standing out against her pale skin. The Rose I knew didn't have pale skin.

Sighing I walked out to face the day ahead, only to be stopped by two grinning Moroi, one wielding coffee, the other my jacket. I took the coffee from Adrian as he appraised my outfit.

He leant into my ear and whispered, "I told you that I already had you in my clothes. I think I'm going to make a new rule – I can take my clothes off whoever they're on whenever."

"You could only try, Ivashkov." I said rolling my eyes at him.

Lissa handed me my coat and Adrian took the coffee mug back. Then Lissa and I stepped out the door and ran to classes, ran for the sake of running. It felt good to be moving around again, but it reminded me of the many times it had been someone else running beside me. Someone I loved.


	22. Why Not This, Rose?

**A/N**: Hey! Well this chapter is one of those 'omg' moments. Review and tell me what you think is going on! Anyone who gets it right will get a prize! XD

Thanks very very much to my beta for beta-ing!

Thanks also to those who reviewed:

Me and Adrian 4ever

San

Sorry for the slow post, I had computer troubles!

Disclaimer: Richelle Mead. That's all you need to know.

No POV

As a bird soared through the sky carelessly overhead, Rose Hathaway and Lissa Dragomir were forced to part ways. They had run from guest housing together but now they had classes.

Rose walked in apologising to the teacher for being late, there was only fifteen minutes of period one left, so her attention shifted off the teacher quickly. Her mind searched for ways to waste the time. One thing always present on her mind was trying to take centre stage: The day she had gone after Dimitri Belikov. She forced it down, remembering last night and her promise to be strong.

Could it really be only yesterday that she was lying on the gym floor crying in Lissa's arms?

It was only yesterday, however hard it was for Rose to believe.

Lissa was scrawling notes as quickly as she could, trying to catch up on the first half of the lesson. She was slightly angry to find Christian wasn't sitting in the back row where he normally would have been. He wasn't in class at all, as she had assumed when he had left Adrian's room. He had a lot of explaining to do.

As she walked to next class she let her mind drift to the look on Rose's face as they'd gotten ready this morning, seeking any sign that she wasn't okay. But she had seemed fine, if Lissa hadn't known her so well she might have believed that Rose was okay.

It seems it would take a little longer before this best friend fell for the trick, though she would fall for it. She always did.

Adrian however was harder to fool. Lissa knew Rose, she trusted her. She trusted that she wouldn't suffer alone after everything. Adrian had only ever known this new Rose who had sad eyes and a talent for concealing it. He had met her first when Belikov was saying he didn't love her, then he'd seen her after Mason was killed, he'd seen her witness the battle, the loss of her lover. Now he got to see how impossibly small that all was compared to killing your soul-mate.

Rose knew it too, she could feel the difference. Her mind was caught in the past as she pushed through the crowds of students to her next class; _look happy even now_ she told herself. But she was thinking of all the wasted time she'd spent when she had had Dimitri, when she could have been with him.

Was it fate then Rose? That he was torn from you too soon? Maybe fate was the one who said _what doesn't kill us makes us stronger_ or maybe it was someone fate had been playing with.

Fate is still playing with you, Rosemarie Hathaway.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

Lissa stopped walking as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She took it out to find a text:

_I know, I know.  
I'll make it up to you.  
Tonight.  
Unless you feel like sneaking away now?  
Love you.  
xx, C._

She smiled to herself as she replied telling him he'd pay, telling him she didn't want to get into "MORE" trouble and telling him she loved him anyway.

Christian smiled at her message and went to lie down, his head ached, a constant reminder of how disgusting Rose and Lissa's hot chocolate was. He would never let them make the drinks again.

Lissa got his text moments after she had sent hers: _Maybe lunchtime? Chapel attic?_

She told him 'no' as way of punishment for getting out of classes when she had to sit here head throbbing, eyes stinging and teacher droning on. Really, she would have been better off with Christian, skipping class.

Rose wondered what Adrian did during the day other than getting drunk and smoking. She needed the distraction from Dimitri. She noticed one of the Moroi guys who sat with Jesse watching her and gave him a devilish grin. Lissa would be pleased. He look taken aback but recovered after a moment and grinned at her suggestively.

She winked but didn't mean it, she was thinking of the time Dimitri had stopped her from making a mistake with Jesse, if he were here he would have stopped her again. But she never meant it; she only did it for fun. Now she only did it to appear normal. Like she could ever be normal again, like she could ever look at life the same way.

Adrian sighed to himself; maybe he sensed Rose's misery even across the campus. He was exhausted, more so by watching everyone's sadness without doing anything. That was the thing with auras – you could see what they were hiding. But he couldn't do anything about it, even when he tried it didn't work. You had to let people go, let them live their lives however desolate and agonized they were. He was keeping his eyes on Rose though, he couldn't let her go. Maybe because she wouldn't survive by herself or because he loved her – it didn't matter.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

_What doesn't kill us makes us stronger_, thought Lissa, Adrian and Christian. Lissa believed Rose would be stronger. Adrian knew it was killing her already. Christian wanted the anguish to go away, perhaps his plan wasn't to wait until she got stronger or inevitably died.

He was on the phone to Adrian a moment after the thought hit him, it wasn't a great plan, but plans have to start somewhere.

"Adrian, I can get rid of Lissa, you want Rose for lunch?"

"Christian, what?" He seemed confused.

Christian sighed and slowly explained, "Okay, so I don't really trust Rose – I'm sure you understand. I can distract Lissa if you want to spend lunch with Rose? It's only an hour but..."

"Look, what do you expect me to do? Why can't you spend lunch with Rose? I don't see how I'm supposed to be able to do anything." Adrian sounded frustrated.

Christian smiled, "You know that she'll listen to you, and even if she won't you have a better chance than me. I expect you to go, find out if she is actually dealing with this, then talk to her in whatever way you see best. I don't just want you to stop there either, do something to make her start actually being okay. So I'll get Lissa to not go to lunch, you can take Rose where ever, just have her back for class. Agreed?"

"Woah, isn't that asking the impossible? How am I supposed to do that?" Adrian asked.

"I always ask more than I expect, maybe you'll surprise me. Maybe you'll surprise her. _Try_." Christian said smugly.

"Sounds simple. I'll sneak up behind her, dump ice water on her head and yell 'hurry up and be okay because Christian said so', surprising and effective." Adrian replied sarcastically.

"Whatever works for you." Said Christian and hung up.

_Kind of him_, Adrian thought.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

Two Moroi girls were talking about Rose and Lissa in hushed voices, watching Lissa as they pretended to do the experiment the teacher had assigned.

"She looks... powerful."

"Yeah, it's different, like, way different."

"Rose was all depressed like yesterday."

"Hmm, Lissa always seems stronger or something when Rose is upset."

"It's like she's protecting her."

"They are so strange."

"I know."

"Who's strange?" asked a guy working at the next table.

"Oh..." Said the first girl, letting her eyes slowly drift to Lissa.

"Princess Vasalissa?" He whispered clearly shocked that they'd say that, "Isn't she friends with Hathaway? I wouldn't be talking about her if I were you, Hathaway is vicious."

"Not anymore," said the second girl, "Haven't you heard? She is like emo sad."

"Who are you, anyway?" said the first girl in an I'm-so-much-better-than-_you_ voice.

"Cameron, we've been in the same class for years." He said rolling his eyes.

The girls looked over his shoulder at his friends trying to determine if he was worth knowing. He was with Ralf, who was kind of popular. They decided to play it safe and be nice to him.

"Ooh, right." Said the second girl, both nodding.

He turned back to Ralf, "They're saying that Rose Hathaway isn't scary anymore. They were even teasing Vasalissa."

Ralf smiled, "Yeah well, girls like to say that stuff, we'll have to find out for ourselves."

Sam, standing beside Ralf, shook his head, "No, they're wrong. Rose is exactly the same as before, I saw her earlier. She looked like she'd been partying last night and she was flirting with me – kind of. She smiled and winked."

Ralf laughed, "Don't waste your time. Anyway, Cameron, you should talk to her later, find out if those girls are right."

Cameron smiled, "Is that a dare?"

Ralf smirked, "Sure, maybe you'll have better luck than Sam."

Sam glared at him and pretended to be working on the assignment.

"Alright." Was all Cameron said.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

Lunch came, finally and Rose grabbed her notebook and walked out of the door. Leaning against the wall across the hall was Adrian Ivashkov.

"Rosemarie." He said in a sing-song voice smirking.

She walked over to him and hit his arm, "What do you want?"

"No, no, my friend, the question is what do you want?" He asked.

She stared at him for a moment and shrugged before starting to walk down the hallway. He ran to catch up with her, falling into step at her side and explaining,

"I'm whisking you away to an unknown destination for lunch. Come on." He grabbed her hand and led her off the path and onto the grass.

"Adrian... Where are we going?"

"Lunch. Wait and see." He said smiling.

She sighed and let him lead her to a grassy hill on the far side of the school, away from the rest of the student-body.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

Lissa's phone rang loudly as she walked to the cafeteria; she answered knowing it would be Christian.

"Come to the attic?" He asked.

"No." She said, trying to sound firm and failing.

"Oh, come on, you know you want to. I can make that hangover go away..."

She sighed loudly into the phone, about to say no when he said "See you in the attic."

Then he hung up.

She quickly turned and headed to the attic. As she climbed the stairs she smelt something that was suspiciously like Bacon.

"Princess..." a voice whispered and warm arms encircled her, whether in an embrace or in restraint she couldn't tell.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

A dark figure slid along the corridor of the girls dorms. A hand snaked out and opened Rose Hathaway's door quietly. The figure slipped inside unnoticed. The dark shadow walked to her bed, picked up her pillow, holding it to its face, smelling her on it. It put the pillow down carefully and moved to the desk, shuffling through her notebooks, staring at her writing intensely. Then, finally moved to the table near the bed and placed something flat down almost invisible against the dark wood.

"Rose..." The figure took one final look around and left, leaving little trace other than the object on the table.

Fate has no face, no name nor form. Fate may have none of those things but it did have a plan. Fate was not kind or harsh, whether fate enjoyed making people stronger or killing them, it was impossible to predict. But what was easy to predict when fate was around?

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

"Not this..." Rose whispered into the darkness.


	23. Why Not This, Little Dhampir?

**A/N: **So many questions... Thanks for reviewing, I'm a little concerned that the plot is too obvious, we'll see. Maybe I can throw you off with this chapter? I hate to disappoint but answers will come slowly, First things first, who's got Lissa? That'll have to wait while we find out where Adrian's taking Rose. You put too much Faith in my creativity. Here's a little heart to heart all those AdrianxRose fans, hope it's not too cheesy.

Disclaimer: It's depressing admitting it but you know I don't own Adrian or Dimitri. Thanks Richelle Mead.

Remember Cameron? Isn't he slimy? Any friend of Ralf would have to be.

Thanks to my beta again!

Chapter 23

Rose's POV

Adrian sat down beside me on the grassy slope, pulling his phone out and texting someone.

"Adrian?" I said after a few minutes.

"Hmm?" He replied distractedly.

"Adrian, who are you texting? You're the one who brought me here." I stated.

"I'm ordering lunch, just a moment," he continued texting and then smiled, sliding his phone in his pocket, "There. Now, how was your day, my beauty?"

I shrugged and turned away from him, biting my lip and watching birds swoop through the trees. What was I supposed to say? The truth? _Yeah, Adrian, my day was torture. I remembered with perfect clarity killing Dimitri and wanted to run away but couldn't. I couldn't even stop pretending to be happy because I promised my best friend I would be strong. _No, but he had asked me not to lie. He would know if I did lie and it would make it harder to pretend. I really needed to start avoiding Adrian, it was just too hard talking to him.

He reached out and placed a hand lightly on my knee tracing circles there. It made me think of how I had spent my time with Dimitri, why hadn't I spent every moment I had with Dimitri somewhere like this? Just us together...

I shook my head, snapping myself out of it. This was Adrian.

"Life sucks, huh?" He asked gently.

I turned back to him, looking into the green pools of his eyes. I should love him, he was beautiful and kind and _he wanted me_. But he was as forbidden as Dimitri had been.

Finally I said, "I miss being young, don't you? Never having responsibilities, concerns. Being able to love carelessly, forget the future, and laugh constantly..."

He laughed softly, his breath tickling my ear, "Were you ever like that, really? You've been looking after Lissa, with no one looking after you for a long time. You are still young, Rose. You shouldn't have seen half the things you've experienced."

"You may be right, Adrian. But what does that matter? Nothing's going to change. Whatever, It's my life." I said staring straight ahead.

"The subject seems to have changed." He whispered, "This isn't about your childhood anymore, is it? You're talking about this, right now. You were thinking about how not okay you are. That is what you meant, isn't it?"

"Just because you think you know everything, that you know how I feel, doesn't matter. So what if I'm not okay? Don't bother staying for lunch if this is what it's all about." I said angrily, not angry with him but myself.

"I have no intention of repeating this argument with you over and over until the end of lunch. Nor do I want to torture you any further." He said his voice suddenly not at my ear anymore.

I looked over to see him glancing away, his hand slipping from my knee. What had I done now? Why did I hurt everyone I loved? Why did I kill the ones I loved most? Why wasn't Dimitri here anymore? Dimitri with his deep, brown eyes, Dimitri with his Russian accent and Zen quotes. His western novels and his smile. What had I done? I had killed him. I had taken away that smile forever. My breathing hitched slightly as an image of him laughing played out in my mind over and over like a broken tape then suddenly vanished.

"Little Dhampir, lunch is here." Adrian's voice broke through my nightmare.

I looked up and Adrian was standing next to a basket, smiling at me in a way that makes the rest of the world fade in comparison.

"You are so beautiful..." I whispered under my breath before standing and walking over to where he was.

He spread a throw rug on the ground and sat down, taking food from the basket. While it all looked wonderful, it was hard to eat knowing you had killed the only person you would ever love. The sandwiches were filled with a variety of things from salad to chicken and mayonnaise. The muffins were huge, with raspberry swirls. The guy sitting across from me was wonderful and kind. But all I could see was red eyes turning brown while the pained expression remained in them. All I could hear was a voice, soft and Russian, apologising. All I could feel was the stake in my hand. All I could smell was his blood.

Then suddenly, that wasn't all – there were strong arms around me, green eyes in front of mine, a voice asking me what was wrong.

For a moment I almost told him. Then I smiled, "Nothing, don't worry."

"But I do." Adrian whispered, hugging me tightly.

"Don't, I'm fine." I said nonchalantly.

"Rose, I know I said I wouldn't repeat this argument with you but I didn't know how bad things could get. I didn't know how hard it was for you. We should talk, even if you don't want to." He said in his scary serious way.

"Adrian, really, I'm okay. Seriously. You're paranoid, not to mention cliché. 'We should talk', really?" I smiled at him, laughing lightly.

"Don't, just stop pretending. If I can only save one person with this curse, let it be you."

"What are you talking about?" _What curse?_ Maybe spirit was taking its toll on him again.

"Seeing aura's is so pointless, I try to help people but I can't. But I'm going to try anyway, to save you from self-destruction. Everything isn't your fault. You had to kill Dimitri; it wasn't a choice you made. Remembering him is a good thing, guilt is not. Stop lying to me and stop deceiving yourself. No matter how cliché talking is, I hate it that you keep the pain to yourself. I hate seeing your aura and not being able to make it better. I hate how you pretend to be okay for everyone when you don't have to." He spoke firmly but at the same time carefully.

"Now stop pretending and talk to me" He added.

I was about to deny everything, to tell him I was fine but my mouth moved of its own accord,

"I can't let him go. I wish he was here so much, that I could talk to him. But it's my fault he's gone so I deserve this. There was another option, you know. I could have let him turn me, we could have been together. I remember every detail of that day. His eyes, mostly. All the time I had with him that I didn't spend _with_ him, I should have told him sooner that I loved him. I should have refused to let him pretend he didn't love me back when I knew he did. I should have spent every second with him. But I didn't, I killed him." I was babbling but it felt good, it was wrong but sharing the pain with someone else felt fantastic. The thought of giving Adrian half the pain, making him suffer half of this torture made me happy. I was a terrible person.

"You don't deserve this." He said and then moved to sit beside me, passing me a sandwich.

That was it, conversation over.

Dimitri was dead because of me and I was sitting in the sunshine with Adrian Ivashkov eating _sandwiches_. I would never have imagined this, the tragic state that was my life. But here I was. Not exactly alone, not exactly happy and definitely not going to escape. What was the point?

There was none. Nothing that had happened made any sense.

So I did the only thing that did make sense right then and ate the sandwich he had given me. He wrapped one arm around my shoulders in a half hug, the warmth of his body comforting me.

"So Ivashkov, dragging me away from Lissa to seduce me?" I teased.

"Oh!" he said putting a hand over his heart in fake-shock, "I would never! I'm perfectly happy to seduce you in front of Lissa."

I laughed quietly, "Wouldn't you just love that?"

"Mm..." He murmured in my ear seductively.

"Ah, I was right. You just wanted privacy so you could seduce me." I smiled and then started yelling, "ADRIAN'S TRYING TO SEDUCE ME! HELP!"

He pulled back laughing, "No one can hear you, Little Dhampir. So stop killing my ears."

I grinned at him and picked up another sandwich, they were as delicious as they look and suddenly I felt like eating.

"Rose...Do you remember our deal?" He asked suddenly.

"The one I didn't agree to? The one you informed me of in a letter?" I asked sarcastically back, I didn't want to have this conversation.

He sighed, moving closer to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He ran his fingers through my hair, gently pulling my head down against his chest. I closed my eyes relishing the feel of someone else, warm and safe, caring about me. Physical comfort always brings a sense of security, no matter whether the mind wishes to accept it or not. Just like patting rabbits to sleep before you break their necks. The feelings I had had before I met Adrian today, the reluctance to eat, the ache in my jaw every time I tried to smile like the muscles were stiff, were slowly melting away.

Of course I didn't need comfort, I was Rose Hathaway. But I couldn't convince my body of this nor could I move away.

"Yes, that deal. How are you, honestly?" He asked.

I closed my eyes tighter feeling my throat constrict and tears start to fill my eyes, willing myself not to cry. I felt like I had lost everyone. I was so incredibly alone. I was so lost and sad and _lonely._ There was no one I could trust, no one I could turn to. Thinking about it made me want to scream and cry. I needed to tell someone but the words wouldn't come. Most of all I wanted to get someone else to fix this. I wanted to hug Adrian so I wouldn't feel so alone but it didn't help because I knew he wasn't who I missed so much, I knew he wasn't the person I was looking for. He wasn't Dimitri.

"Adrian..." I started but stopped, choking on tears and trying to force them away.

"You're Rose Hathaway; don't forget how strong you can be. The Rose Hathaway, who ran away with the last Dragomir, has 6 moniji marks and a battle star before she's graduated and terrifies trained guardians. Would Rose Hathaway really let love kill her? I've heard she was a crazy party girl, as infamous as Adrian Ivashkov but not only for her partying, but for her strength. I think I would have an easier time with party girl Rose but I like you all the same." He said playing with my hair.

He was right, so right. How can Adrian always be so right? He's Adrian Ivashkov for God's Sake! He's supposed to be drunk, not kind and thoughtful. I was that strong, in the past, love can change people. Adrian is proof of that.

"Maybe that was in the past, Adrian." I said with my eyes still closed.

"That is who you are, Little Dhampir. You can't change who you are any more than leopards can change their spots to stripes." He replied.

"But you've changed. You used to be drunk and sleazy and out of control, spoiled and royal. Now you're not like that..." I insisted, trailing off at the end.

"I didn't change Rose, I just stopped drinking 24/7. Maybe I'm happier now too but emotions change, people don't. What do you think I am now? Because I was probably always like this and just suppressed it."

"You're nice and funny and scarily accurate about people." I said quietly and hugged him.

"Aw, you're wonderful too." He said teasingly and then continued in a serious tone, "You are sad and lonely, but they're just emotions. You're kind, brave, witty, beautiful and sassy. You're still Rose."

"Well, that's what they said on my birth certificate too, but you never know, they could have swapped babies at the hospital." I replied laughing.

"Well, I'm sure they didn't." He stood up and reached out his hand, "May I have this dance Rosemarie?"

"I promise to kill you if you call me that again."

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged, "Fine, _Rose_, care to dance?"

I took his hand, standing up, "Without music?"

He pulled a small remote control out of his pocket and clicked on, music started playing from the picnic basket.

"IPod and speakers, great inventions really." He said chuckling.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and started swaying to the music, _If We Ever Meet Again_ by Timberland ft. Katy Perry was playing, not exactly slow music.

_What's somebody like you doing in a place like this?  
Say did you come alone or did you bring all your friends?  
What's your name, what ya drinking?  
I think I know what you're thinking, What's your sign?  
Tell me yours, I'll tell you mine._

_I'll never be the same if we ever meet again,  
Won't let you get away.  
Say, if we ever meet again._

The start played and slowly I started dancing faster, twirling around Adrian and shaking my hips in time to the beat. He gave me one of his brightest smiles and took my hands, spinning around in a circle. It was silly dancing that I wouldn't have done in public, ever. The kind of think Lissa and I might have done while getting ready to go clubbing. Adrian looked amazing when he was happy, his smile and the way his eyes lit up. Even when I first met him I had known he was attractive, I wasn't falling for him now, I was just realising I didn't dislike him.

_Unbroken_ by Stan Walker started fading in before the last song was over and Adrian pulled me closer to him, continuing to dance. Every time I moved my arms they brushed against him and I was so close I was almost rubbing against him, this was the sort of dancing Lissa and I had done at clubs when we'd run away. It was fun and sexy, something Adrian would love, I'm sure.

Five songs later and _Airplanes _by B.o.B was playing. I sat down on the grass dragging Adrian with me.

"Lunch is nearly over." He said.

"Mm," I grabbed a muffin from the picnic he'd set up, "Well lunch is for eating."

"It is. We should do this again sometime."

Lissa would love it if he dragged me away from her every lunch. Lissa, oh no.

"Lissa, oh my God, I totally forgot we were meeting for lunch. She's going to kill me." I started to stand up but Adrian stopped me,

"She's with Christian having some _personal_ time alone with him. You should probably start walking back though, Lunch is going to be over in five minutes."

I stood up nodding and brushed the grass off myself.

"Oh and," Adrian added. "Love the outfit. I've got this rule about taking all my clothes off at the end of the day, especially when you're wearing them. Shame those aren't my jeans... But that is my shirt..." He winked.

"Yeah, some rules are meant to be broken." I said smiling and turning away. As I walked back towards the main buildings I heard_ Run_ by Snow Patrol drifting from the picnic basket.

I was walking towards my next class slowly, the bell still hadn't gone and I didn't want to be early. I didn't want to go into Lissa's head after what Adrian had said she was doing with Christian but she didn't seem angry. She just seemed...

"Hey, watch where you're going!" Someone yelled, I looked up to see two boys colliding, one losing his balance and running into me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." he said turning around to face me, "Rosemarie Hathaway, right?"

There was something about the way he said Rosemarie that made me think he was deliberately trying to annoy me. Everybody knew I preferred Rose and if he knew my name, he definitely knew that I didn't go by Rosemarie. Adrian had been calling me Rosemarie earlier as a joke; I smiled at the thought of Adrian still sitting alone next to the picnic basket with music playing.

"Yes, Rose actually, don't run into me again or you'll be screaming my name in agony." I said remembering he was there.

"That sounds... hot." He said softly, leaning closer to my ear.

"Oh, it shouldn't, it should make your blood run cold." I said smirking at him; I didn't need another desperate Moroi after me.

"Anything to do with you would certainly be hot, Rose." He winked at me.

I grinned at him, it never hurt to have fun and Lissa would be happy I was being normal again. He was lucky I was in a good mood, he had worse pick up lines than Adrian.

"I wish I could say the same for you but although you know me, I know nothing about you. Tell me, who are you?" I whispered seductively near his ear.

"I am someone you want to see tonight." He said boldly.

So he was one of those Moroi who thought they could do whatever they wanted with Dhampirs. I would have to make a mental note of his name – if only he would tell me what it was.

"Only if you tell me what your name is...?" I said alluringly.

"Cameron Sarcozy." He stated.

"Hmm, so you're a royal. Should I be bothered remembering that name?" I asked curiously.

"Of course, you'll be saying it a lot later, possibly yelling it tonight..." He trailed off with that innuendo.

"Is that right?" I asked running a hand down his arm slowly, "I already have plans for tonight." I said pulling my hand back.

"Do you now? Well, tomorrow is good; I might be able to live without you until then." He said smiling.

"Cameron, persistent aren't you?" I sighed looking over him slowly, blue eyes, brown hair, slim, tall, Moroi form, same obnoxious expression as Christian.

"I'd be anything for you, baby." He said jokingly.

The bell went saving me from replying to him, he wasn't really my type, he was more Lissa's.

"See you, Cameron." I said walking away.

"Love ya!" He yelled and I turned back laughing to blow him a kiss.

Eddie was just walking up behind him and laughed as he passed Cameron, blowing him a kiss teasingly and grinning at Cameron's shocked reaction. He walked up beside me and put an arm around my shoulders possessively, smirking over his shoulder.

"Hey Eddie." I said laughing.

"Rose, I see you've got followers." He said nodding as a greeting and pulling his arm back.

I sighed, smiling, "As long as I get a free lunch out of it, I'm okay."

He raised his eyebrows curiously and I explained, "Adrian gave me a picnic lunch. That guy... he ran into me and well, you can guess, just the usual Rose fan club stuff."

"I'm sure." He said grinning and I laughed.

Class was dull, but survivable. Eddie was working tirelessly to keep up with the teachers lecture while I winked and smiled suggestively at half of the boys in the class, entertaining myself with their reactions. I could feel my phone silently vibrating in my pocket, signalling that I had a text. I knew it was from Adrian, I had already gotten four from him since lunch.

The first was in true Adrian style:

_Hey Babe,_

_Dreaming of that shirt lying on the floor tonight._

_Xx A._

I had ignored that and refused to reply, but he continued:

_Rose._

_Don't worry, sweetie, it won't be alone. Your jeans and my shirt will join it!_

_We can make it a party and put my jeans on the floor too..._

_How much does class suck?_

I'd smiled at that and replied:

_You're disgusting but I love you anyway._

_I'm sick of parties, we had one last night! Jeez._

_Class rocks._

He'd send me another message a moment later:

_Are we being sarcastic Rose Hathaway? I'm in shock! I'm disgusting? You love me? You don't want to go to a party? Class rocks? Are you feeling alright?_

_This can't be Rose, someone's stolen her phone! Oh no!_

Ugh. I was going to get caught if he didn't stop texting, but when has that ever stopped me?

_Adrian, I'm in class. _

_Clue: stop texting._

_You ARE disgusting. I was being sarcastic. I'm tired of hangovers. Class DOES rock. I'm F.I.N.E._

Although I had outright told him to stop he still texted back:

_Why does the only thing you were being sarcastic about have to be the only thing I cared about?_

_Hello? Is this Little Dhampir? Oh wait. She's in class._

_I would have CALLED you if you weren't in class. See? I knew you were in class. _

I'd yet again ignored him in the hopes he would give up, but he didn't. The latest text was proof of that. I slid my phone out of my pocket while watching the teacher and pretending to listen. Then I picked up a pencil and pretended to write, instead looking down at the display of my phone.

_You're killing me. Really._

_I'm just so happy! That shirt is mine! Can you believe my luck? Tonight will rock. _

_So I'll see you in my room after dinner? Great! _

_Xoxo Adrian._

He was more persistent than Cameron! But even if I didn't reply it wouldn't stop him anyway, so no harm in replying. My game could wait-poor unsuspecting males of 's!

_I'm going to hang with Liss. If she agrees we may come by your room with Christian... MAYBE._

_But I think I'll wash the shirt before I return it, shame for you. _

_Don't bribe Lissa!_

_Xx Rose._

After that I continued teasing the boys around me, occasionally doing it to Eddie who didn't seem to notice. When the bell went to signal the end of classes, I thought of how I should have had training with Dimitri. My heart sank as I watched all the guardians around school talking to their students, mentors teaching techniques. I sighed and walked slowly through the cafeteria, after not finding Lissa there I decided to go to my room.

I opened my door, flung my bag onto a chair and walked into the bathroom. The water was hot, steaming up the mirrors, making it possible to believe everything was as it should be. Dimitri was here, not strigoi, not dead, Lissa and I were partying every other night. I closed my eyes, imagining Dimitri had come out partying with us, that everything in my life was perfect. Dimitri wasn't my mentor, nobody cared that we were together. Lissa didn't have to worry about spirit, and her parents were still here. Nothing bad had ever happened to us. _As if._

When I was done I walked to the closet and grabbed some clothes, got dressed and walked towards my desk. I was humming when I noticed it. I stopped dead in my tracks for a moment then I walked over to the couch, sitting down and staring at the coffee table.

"Not this..." I whispered into the darkness.

I picked up the glossy piece of card carefully, examining it closely.

It was a photo. On the shining side that was facing up was a picture. A picture of _the _cabin. The cabin I would recognise anywhere, the happiest memory I had of my life. That cabin had haunted my dreams, always empty except for the stake in my hand which was covered in blood.

_How did this get here?_ I thought while flipping over the card. On the back was a message in large, neat handwriting.

_**Roza. **_

_**You should come here.**_

_**C. **_

I started in disbelief; the only person who ever called me 'Roza' was Dimitri. He was dead and the bottom was signed with a 'C' in a large, bold letter. It stood out against the white backing as if someone had gone over it with the pen a few times.

_Who had done this? _

I buried my head in my hands and closed my eyes. My room was dark, cold, empty.

_Everything had changed now. _


	24. Press Pause for Lunch

**A/N: **Sorry this is a long note but I have lots of people to thank, please take the time to read it if only this once.

Thank you so much to _Me and Adrian 4ever_ for helping me with the summary, I've changed it now to her idea.

I am so grateful to those who reviewed that I'm listing them here, that doesn't mean I can live without more reviews, I can't! I would be like Rose was in the first few chapters if I didn't have reviews, do you want that?

_JennyTran195_ (The coolest person ever, okay I admit she gave me a really long, kind review and I don't actually know but I'm allowed to say she's the coolest person ever, this is my story!)

_SKDanielle16 _(Proving how much one word means...)

_Gabby123456789 _(Everyone who reviews is awesome by the way...)

_4everSmiles _(You don't have to wait anymore! Hope that makes you happy. )

_AlexandraOzera-Ivashkov_ (From the first chapter, isn't that wonderful?)

_.belikov _(And Life is haunted! Wow you are all amazing today!)

_iluvwritingxoxo_ (For saying it's long at the first chapter! XD )

_Lissa Dragomir101 _(Kindest person ever, reminds me of Lissa actually... )

_BreatheIfYouFindDimitriHot_ (Awesome author name... Right everyone? Yeah!)

Well, I hope to have more names to post next time! And to all of you listed above, you are now famous! Kinda... Any who, thanks for reviewing!

Okay, here's chapter 24, Lissa and Christian Fluff! I thought you could use a little fluff to lighten the dark stuff.

Disclaimer: You know the Drill, it's all Richelle Mead and she's awesome... etc.

My beta is amazing, right? Thanks again _MyLifeIsEdwardCullen_

_I quickly turned and headed to the attic. As I climbed the stairs I smelt something that was suspiciously like Bacon._

"_Princess..." a voice whispered and warm arms encircled me, whether in an embrace or in restraint I couldn't tell._

I was lifted off my feet and carried up the rest of the way into the attic. There were colourful candles sitting in clusters around the attic, light flickering and blazing from the flames. There was a platter of buttered toast, bacon and eggs, wedges of apple and strawberries on top of a box with 2 mugs of coffee sitting on the floor next to the box.

It was so beautiful with the candles shining, the dust moats floating and dancing, and the aroma of the food.

"Christian...?" I asked as I was lowered to the ground again, the arms around me sliding to my waist from behind.

"Who else?" He whispered leaning in to kiss my neck.

"Good point. This looks... amazing." I said leaning my head to the side as he brushed his lips up and down the side of my neck.

"You're amazing." He whispered.

"Mm, so are you." I whispered back.

"Thank you, just keep whispering, loud noises... ugh," he shivered before continuing, "Hangovers suck. Speaking of which, your head must be horrible, here." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of Advil.

"Thanks," I swallowed two and smiled at him, "You are so... perfect." He leaned in and kissed me softly, taking my hand and leading me to the food.

He gave me a plate and started serving himself, I watched for a moment before I started putting food on my plate as well.

He grinned at me, "Since there isn't any great seating up here, you can use my lap."

I nodded and made my way over to him with the plate, sitting in his lap and draping my legs over his.

"You're a very comfortable couch." I informed him.

"Mmhmm..." He murmured while eating a piece of bacon.

I picked up a strawberry and tried to eat it but he grabbed it out of my hand and fed it to me. I nearly choked on it laughing but composed myself quickly. I loved our time up here; we could always be ourselves up here, free from watching eyes. Even the first time we'd been up here together, it had been awkward but I had felt like I could tell him anything. What I didn't tell him he guessed anyway, he was very observant.

We had both been worrying so much recently we hadn't spent much time together, we had lost time to make up for. I was brought back from my thoughts by Christian holding a slice of apple to my lips. I opened my mouth and let him feed me, biting his fingers gently and smiling at him.

"You're beautiful, did you know that?" He asked grinning.

"Oh, I think someone keeps telling me, how could I forget?" I said rolling my eyes.

He laughed, moving his concentration back to his own plate. We ate in silence; Christian finished first and started kissing my neck again, while I ate. It felt amazing, so I wasn't complaining. I looked at my watch and realised that half an hour of lunch had already gone by, Rose was probably waiting for me in the cafeteria.

"Christian, I have to go find Rose, I was supposed to meet her ages ago, this was wonderful, thank-"

He cut me off, "Rose is fine, she isn't waiting for you. She went to lunch with Adrian. So we have the rest of lunch to hang out or we could have some fun..." He trailed off, caressing my arm lightly and kissing the back of neck passionately.

"Oh well..." I turned around and pulled him closer, kissing him properly, "That's how the fun begins."

"This needs to go if we're going to have any fun." He said pulling at my jacket.

"I agree," I said shrugging out of my jacket and laughing as he frowned at the shirt I was now wearing, "But this is ruining my fun." I pulled on his t-shirt.

He pulled it over his head muttering, "Girls always have more layer of clothing on, it's not fair."

I smiled and pulled his mouth back to mine, when we broke apart for air I whispered 'I love you's in his ear and ran my fingers through his hair. _Ah, he had good hair_, thick and soft, exactly what every girl is trying to achieve with hair products. He arched his neck back and sighed. Then in an instant he was at my ear, whispering about how much he adored me and loved me while running his hands expertly through my hair, down onto my shoulders and massaging them until I moaned.

He pulled back smiling, "Lunch is nearly over."

I groaned, "That's no fun!"

"You could always stay here with me..."

I shook my head; he knew I had to go back to class. He sighed and gave me a small smile, like he was giving up and then laid down, pulling me with him and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"You can't go anywhere!" He said smiling like an over excited little kid.

I was about to protest but he started kissing me again, not so sweetly this time. He was kissing my shoulder when I realised what he had said earlier,

"Rose is with Adrian? What?" I said confused.

He groaned, obviously upset that I had interrupted the moment, "Yes, they're having lunch together, somewhere private I think."

"Is Rose okay?" I had thought she was fine this morning but maybe something was wrong and Christian was trying to cover it up while Adrian took care of it. Maybe Rose had had another breakdown, or she'd tried to do something horrible...

"Yes, she's absolutely fine. They're having lunch together because Adrian loves Rose and wants to make her happy. He said something about cafeteria food not being good enough for his Rose. He's Adrian, you know him." Christian explained.

"Okay..." I sighed, it did sound like something they would do. Rose was fine.

"Stop worrying." He said, making a tantalizing trail of kisses down my arm.

I sighed and closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation. A few minutes later the bell went and Christian grip on me tightened.

"Please stay... I'll make it worth your time." He said grinning.

"I have to go to class, sorry." I said pulling back and grabbing my jacket.

"After school?" He asked hopefully.

"Okay, but then we have to go hang out with Rose." I reasoned.

"Yeah, see you soon." He said standing up and pulling me with him.

"I love you." I said kissing him softly.

"Love you, too."

...

Classes dragged by with the idea of spending more time with Christian distracting me constantly.

When the last bell went I headed straight to the attic, where the candles were still lit and Christian was sitting on the window seat we used to fight over. I walked over to him and sat beside him, kissing him forcefully.

"Hey gorgeous, missed me?" He asked smiling.

"Of course." I replied.

He started kissing me again and clothing was quickly the casualty. We stayed here for hours, together, not caring about the world outside of this room. After a while a thought tugged at my mind, I hadn't thought it though. It was the sixth sense spirit users sometimes had, being able to read people. It was as if I knew something was wrong with Rose and Adrian, but maybe it was just me worrying again. Normally when I felt something like this, it was about people I could see, people close to me. Maybe Christian knew something he wasn't saying, that could be the only explanation.

"Is something wrong with Rose and Adrian?" I asked him seriously, pulling away from him as he kissed my stomach.

"What? No, I haven't heard from them since Adrian texted me after lunch to say they had had fun." He answered confused.

"Promise?" I asked him, looking straight into his eyes.

"Yes, they're fine. I promise." He said looking back at me with the same intensity.

"Okay." I agreed, I was just worrying again, they were fine. I smiled at Christian and he continued kissing me, making me forget everything except him.

Hours later we decided to go find Adrian, Rose and dinner. When we were both dressed and decent we made our way to the cafeteria.

Adrian was sitting at our usual table with Eddie, eating and talking.

"Hey, where's Rose?" I asked.

"I haven't seen her since class, I think she went to her room." Eddie answered.

"She's probably getting changed or something." Adrian added.

If Adrian was okay then Rose probably was too, I was imagining it. I didn't mind being crazy as long as Rose really was okay. Adrian raised an eye brow at me questioningly; I wondered what had given me away: my face or my aura. I sat down beside him, which seemed to irritate Christian for a moment but then he took the seat on the other side of Adrian. I moved my seat closer to Adrian's so that Eddie wouldn't be able to hear and raised my eyebrows at Adrian in return.

He smiled and whispered, "Sometimes you're so like her." He shook his head and was suddenly serious, "You seem worried, what's up?"

"It's nothing; I just haven't seen Rose all day." I said shrugging and sitting back in my chair, Christian was watching me adoringly and I smiled at him.

"Well, I saw her earlier." Adrian said watching me closely; I nodded at him knowing they'd had lunch today before he continued, "Why are you worried?"

I smiled at him but it didn't last when I saw the look in his eyes, he was staring at me with an intensity that made me want to shrink back in my chair. Christian saw me flinch and shifted in his chair, looking between Adrian and I slowly. Before he could ask I smiled at him brightly and looked at Eddie,

"How were your classes today?"

He started recounting everything to me, "Lots of rumours about Rose, all different things, you know? Some people were saying she's lost it and people who saw her were saying not to mess with her..." On it went, I tuned out and Adrian leaned closer to me again.

"Lissa," He whispered, "tell me."

I turned to him and whispered in his ear, "Seriously, it's nothing. I'm just being crazy, she's fine. I'm being over-protective or whatever."

He spoke quietly and firmly, not whispering, "I don't care if it's crazy, I know about crazy, tell me."

I glanced at Christian who was talking to Eddie, he hadn't noticed our conversation. If I hadn't told him, why was I about to tell Adrian? Adrian understood the spirit stuff and cared about Rose but I loved Christian. I sighed, that didn't matter. Adrian was getting impatient, he cared so much about Rose, it amazed me she didn't know it.

"I just had a feeling that something was wrong with you and Rose, I don't know, your fine so obviously it wasn't true. It was that spirit feeling you get when someone close to you is in danger or is lying, that sort of thing, you know? Only Rose wasn't close and neither were you, only Christian was and he promised that he didn't know anything. So everything is alright." I explained quietly.

"Okay, yeah, I'm fine. We didn't do anything that you would be worried about, so it's okay." I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or to himself. "When were you feeling this?" he added.

"A few hours after school..." I answered carefully; I didn't want to go into details of where I had been and what I had been doing.

"Weren't you supposed to be meeting Rose?" he asked without pause, how did he suddenly know everything about Rose when I knew nothing?

"Yes, kind of, I guess. We hadn't organised exact details." He gave me a look that clearly said 'why-did-you-abandon-her' so I continued to explain, "We said we'd meet up some time after school and hang out, but if we didn't we'd meet at dinner."

"It is dinner and she's not here." He said quietly and if I didn't know better I would say dangerously.

"She's always running late, relax." I said smiling at him.

He smiled in the usual Adrian manner and leaned back in his seat joining in the conversation with Eddie and Christian. They were discussing the rumours they'd heard and I added a few things to the list, Adrian stayed quiet, obviously not knowing any rumours from today.

After a few minutes he stood up casually, "Well I hate to ruin your young lives but I have things to do, I'll find you later. This food," he said gesturing to Eddie's tray "is not what they serve in guest housing." He grinned smugly and walked off slowly.

I knew where he was going, of course, to check on Rose. He deserved to be paranoid for a little while and I understood it well. Nobody knew what Rose was capable of right now, if she was better or not.


	25. Freeze Frame: The World's Freaking Out

**A/N: **Hey, I really wanted to post this today so I had to beta it myself... so if there are any mistakes, forgive me! You're getting your chapter faster right? So it's a good thing!

I'll repost it after my beta send it back to me but for now, I've checked it, spell check has...

Thanks to everyone who reviews, I love the reviews you guys are sending!

I don't own VA or the characters, sadly. I don't even own the mystery figure, But I do own the plot of this story! So if you want me to share you better review!

Xx girl-on-sunshine.

This chapter is all about our hero: fire boy.

Actually it has two POV's which is a first for one chapter! But I thought it was better like this than as two chapters. Tell me what you think.

Chapter 25

Christian's POV

Where the hell is Rose? – That was what Adrian had texted me.

After that it blurred, slowly and quickly at the same time. The decisions I had to make then, felt like they took hours, but only seconds passed. Everything around me was moving too fast to make sense of but it was being replayed in my head so slowly...

_Should I tell Lissa? What should I do with this piece of information?_ Adrian was obviously freaking out. Should I let myself be in a state of panic or should I take control now while I still can?

I had to call Adrian; I had to find out what was going on... But how would I get away from Lissa? Should I just tell her now? What will she do? My brain was having an overload of questions and a complete lack of answers. It was moving sluggishly trying to understand what was going on, what I should do and who I should tell.

I hadn't noticed my surroundings –Lissa asking if I was okay, Eddie joking that I was having a Rose moment, like she'd have when she was in Lissa's head, Adrian running back through the cafeteria doors- but suddenly they were exploding around me.

"Christian!" Adrian panted as he stopped in front of me.

Lissa gave him a sharp look that was her way of saying 'don't-use-that-tone-with-him-or-else'.

Eddie started panicking in his calm, serine way, "What's happened? What's wrong? What has Christian done?"

Adrian ignored them all and glared at me; alarm the only emotion in his eyes."I went to find her, I was worried, you know about the thing about her being okay and I went to find her!"

"What's going on?" Lissa asked in agitation.

"I was at her room... But she wouldn't open the door and the lights not on, so I don't think she's there... I don't know! What if she's done something? She could be in there like last time or maybe she's gone somewhere else or someone's taken her..." Adrian continued and I knew he hadn't been drinking for a while, so I knew he was having spirit side effects, but that didn't stop the terror rising in me.

"Rose? What? Is she okay? We have to find her!" Lissa practically screamed.

"Do you think she's still depressed? She could have done something awful." Eddie said, quietly and ever reasonable.

I could tell we were verging on frenzy. This wasn't going to help, so why wasn't anyone stopping it? Didn't they know Rose was going to be okay? She couldn't hurt herself... could she? We should have been strong for her, I could see that from the start but it was hard to do. Slowly I came to the realisation that I was the only one who could calm them down, and now was the time it needed to be done, they were screaming plans of where to look at each other.

"_Lissa, Adrian, Eddie! _Stop, we don't need to panic, she is probably fine. Have you tried calling her cell? Panicking is not going to help anything. Adrian you try calling her, everyone sit down and be quiet." I said, authority lacing my tone.

They looked stunned for a second and then Lissa started to protest, Adrian took a deep breath and Eddie sat down obediently.

"But we have to find her! What if she's done something, I should be the one calling her! I'm her best friend! She could be lying dead somewhere-" Lissa started.

"No," I interrupted, "we don't have to find her. If Rose says she's okay then she is, we have to understand, she's old enough to take care of herself and know when to talk to someone. Did she say she was okay when you last saw her, Adrian?"

He nodded and I continued, "Adrian is calling because she is more likely to answer his call, but if she doesn't you're free to try calling her. Just do what I say and we can ensure she is fine."

"That doesn't even make sense!" She said angrily, sitting down next to Eddie.

"You're just not being rational." I said sitting down and motioning for Adrian to sit beside me.

Once he was seated I told him to call Rose and we all waited. Eventually he put the phone down on the table,

"No answer. It just stopped ringing, didn't even go to voice mail." He said dryly.

"You said I could try..." Lissa said, putting her phone to her ear.

Again, we all sat in anticipation. Again, there was no answer. Great, my plan wasn't working.

"What now?" Eddie asked frustrated.

"Well..." I started, "We have dinner and if she still hasn't turned up after that, we'll try calling her again."

"And what if she doesn't answer?" Lissa practically screamed.

"Liss, calm down. We'll go sneak into her room. There's got to be clues there as to where she is or she'll be there." I explained calmly, taking her hand.

After that we sat in silence, eating slowly, Lissa just picking at the food on her plate and moving it around. There was no point trying to comfort her until Rose was found. Adrian was jumpy, continuously looking at the door when it opened or when he thought he heard it open. The cafeteria was filled with chatter as the other students laughed and ate dinner. Eddie looked deep in thought, which was a little scary on him.

"Castile! Snap out of it! Ivashkov, just call her again. Lissa, eat, she's fine." I ordered.

Adrian continued trying to call several times; sometimes he would get to voice mail and leave desperate messages. Lissa and I gave up on listening to him and went back to eating but Eddie leaned forward, listening intently.

"Liss, please eat, for me." I begged.

"I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. But that isn't possible. Unless you knew something, I wouldn't have been able to feel anything like that. Unless you were thinking about it when I had the feeling..." She said, drifting back into her thoughts.

I sighed and turned back to the others. Eddie was trying to call her using his phone while Adrian watched. They took turns dialling her number, waiting, then hanging up or leaving a message.

"Hey Hathaway, this is Eddie. Where are you? Please call me A.S.A.P."

Adrian had started desperate and breathless but now he was trying to be casual,

"Babe, can't avoid fate, that shirt is mine. I miss you, come find me, I'm with Lissa like you said, we can hang out."

With time they slowly became less teasing and more urgent,

"Hey Little Dhampir, it's Adrian, as in Adrian Ivashkov, just in case you were confused and that's why you haven't been answering my calls. Can you just call me? Now?"

"Rose, I'm with Lissa, Christian and Eddie. We're all worried about you; can you just come and prove you're all right? Please, don't do anything bad, talk to me."

"Rose! For God's sake answer your phone! I'm going insane here! I'll come find you if I have to!" He screamed into the phone.

That would have been funny if everyone wasn't feeling exactly the same.

I could hear someone screaming back on the other end, but answering machines don't respond...?

"Oh my... Rose? Where the hell are you? Why haven't you been answering your phone? Are you okay? Have you done something? Please say no. You can just talk to me, we'll sort everything out, you don't need to go to extremes." He said in a rush.

Everyone moved closer to him, listening to this one-sided conversation.

_Rose's POV_

I slid down the wall, the darkness surrounding me, the cold surface against my back. _No, no, no!_

How can this be happening? Who's doing this?

The academy seemed very far away from me, not just a quick walk away. Technically I was still on the Academy's land. But I felt miles away from anywhere, alone and isolated by my emotions. Just when I had thought things might eventually get better, that it was possible to heal somewhat, this had to happen.

I couldn't feel my body; I was trapped in my mind. Which was filled with darkness, I was standing on a spinning floor and on the endless walls were words. Horrible words. Every bad memory, every mean comment anyone had said, and every concern I had, brought to life. Fear consumed me as I read the words and I could hear screaming, pain-filled, loud, echoing screams.

Was I screaming? Or was it in my head? There was no one else around, not within earshot.

I opened my eyes, dragging myself back to reality. I could really use that diary I was supposed to be writing in. So I could let all this tension go, put in on the pages and out of my mind. My phone was ringing. I ignored it. I could tell Dimitri all about this; see if he would help me. My Russian God. He was gone now. I had to accept that. The world forever empty of his presence.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I could feel the stinging in my eyes, the ache in my throat but no tears would come. No screams left my mouth. I was silent. My mind was screaming, trying to block out the thought of him. I must have cried myself out... can you even do that? I don't think so. Not unless you're dehydrated. Last night I had cried so much I'd been sick, but then I'd seen Adrian and the world had seemed brighter, more hopeful. Not now.

My phone was ringing still. Who was calling? Was it important if I answered? It would be my friends; they would be worried if I didn't answer. But I'd have to be strong for them if I answered. I didn't want to, I had to. I sighed, pulling my phone from my pocket. I'd anticipated this when I'd left my dorm. That's why I had the annoying thing with me. I had known they'd call, they always do.

Woah, tons of missed calls, tons of voice mails. All from Adrian, Lissa and Eddie. Good to know who cared.

It was still ringing.

I picked up, taking a deep breath and preparing to reassure them, to calm them.

"Hey, this is Rose, Sorry..." I said before getting cut off by someone sounding pissed off,

"Rose! For God's sake answer your phone! I'm going insane here! I'll come find you if I have to!" Someone shouted, killing my ears.

I don't know what triggered it but I could feel tears in my eyes and held my breath, clenching my jaw, to stop from crying. It might have been Adrian's voice screaming from the phone, it was hard to tell they were so... loud.

"What the hell?" I started again but got cut off, again.

"Oh my... Rose? Where the hell are you? Why haven't you been answering your phone? Are you okay? Have you done something? Please say no. You can just talk to me, we'll sort everything out, you don't need to go to extremes." The guy said in one breath.

"Adrian, is that you? Let me talk will you! What is this, 20 questions?" I asked irritably.

"Rose! It's me. Are you okay?" He started and I could tell he was going to start the ranting thing again so I stopped him.

"I don't know who 'me' is but shut up and give me a chance to answer! I'm okay, I didn't hear my phone ringing, I was..." I paused, thinking of an excuse, "asleep. Why is everyone freaking out on me? Why are "_you"_ freaking out?"

"Rose..." They said sighing loudly, "It's Adrian. Thank God. We're worried about you, I left 20 voicemails and you didn't reply!" He was exaggerating, There had only been 15 voicemails and some had been from Eddie.

"I'm fine, I told you that at lunch," I said in a controlled voice, thankfully he couldn't see me, tears were rolling down my cheeks freely and my aura would show I was lying, "Are you guys going to cope if I go back to sleep?"

I could hear people in the background and voices closer to the phone, Lissa and Eddie arguing.

"Uh, not so sure about that." Was he answering my question or was he saying he wasn't sure I was fine? I wasn't sure either. "Lissa is still freaking out. Are you in your dorm? I was banging on the door pretty hard before, you must sleep like the dead."

Like the dead? Did he know something? Wait, no, he couldn't. I can't tell him, I have to distract him.

"You weak Moroi! Like you could wake me up. Tell Liss I'm fine."

He said something to Lissa and Eddie started arguing about something with her again, only now he was arguing with Adrian too. I wonder what that's about.

"Sorry, Little Dhampir, they're still freaking out. Lissa wants to talk to you and Eddie is being unnaturally argumentative." He said, frustrated.

"Um... okay. But only for a minute then you have to snatch the phone back and save me from her, deal?"

"Sure." He said and then Lissa was yelling something into the phone.

"Jeez people! You know with these modern phones you don't need to yell! Welcome to the 21st century!" I said sarcastically.

"Rose! Ohmigod, you're okay!" She squealed.

"Yes, please stop being so loud. I'm fine, have you stopped freaking out now?" I asked.

"Yes, where have you been? I was so worried! I wanted to look for you but..." and on it went, until Adrian saved me by snatching the phone back.

"Little Dhampir..." He said as greeting.

"Hey, are they calmer yet?"

"Hmm... Sort of. Eddie is still a little edgy."

Something occurred to me then and I interrupted him, "Is Christian with you?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, he's here." Adrian replied confused.

I sighed, "Okay."

"Hold on, I'm just going to go outside and away from the crazy students. They're all so loud! Especially Liss and Eddie." He said.

I just wanted to go back to my misery party but Adrian would know something was wrong if I didn't talk to him for awhile.

"Okay," I agreed.

"I'm outside," he said, "Everyone was so worried about you. Heart-attacks all round." He said laughing lightly.

"Oh." I said frowning, I hadn't expected them to notice that much.

"Rose? Would you tell me if something was wrong?" He asked quietly.

"Hmm... What?" I asked, pulled out of my thoughts.

"It's just that you would normally have laughed by now and you're not and you sound kind of sad." He explained.

"I just woke up, Adrian. I sound like I got woken up too soon." I said tiredly, I really was exhausted.

"It's just... you seemed so... I don't know- ready to let go of everything, this morning. I had thought you were happier after lunch but..."

"It's okay. I just need to sleep." Technically I wasn't lying, it was okay, whatever it was and I did need sleep.

"Can I come see you first? You can sleep and just leave the door unlocked, I won't wake you up." He asked concern still in his voice.

"I don't know..." _if I can make it back to my dorm before you_, I mentally added.

The line was silent for a minute then he sighed again, "Little Dhampir?"

"Yeah?" I asked hesitantly.

"Would you?"

"Would I what?" I asked, thinking this was one of his dirty jokes.

"Would you tell me if something was wrong? If something had happened?" he asked sincerely.

"Adrian...I already told you."

"No, you didn't. You just said you were tired."

I stayed silent and after a full two minutes of listening to his breathing he interrupted the silence,

"Rose, Did something happen? I thought we had a deal." His voice was hard and unyielding.

A/N: Okay I have all these songs that go with the story, but at this point I just want to tell you a couple of the songs that go with the story so far:

So this is basically for everything that's happened so far, Adrian breaking into her room and finding her on the floor, she thought she was happy and now something's happened... Anyway the song is Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore.

_So one day he found her crying  
Coiled up on the dirty ground  
Her prince finally came to save her  
And the rest you can figure out  
But it was a trick  
And the clock struck twelve  
Well make sure to build your home brick by boring brick  
or the wolf's gonna blow it down  
keep your feet on the ground  
when your head's in the clouds  
Well go get your shovel  
And we'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle  
Well you built up a world of magic  
Because your real life is tragic  
Yeah you built up a world of magic  
If it's not real  
You can't hold it in your hand  
You can't feel it with your heart  
And I won't believe it  
But if it's true  
You can see it with your eyes  
Oh even in the dark  
And that's where I want to be, yeah  
Go get your shovel  
We'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle  
Well go get your shovel  
and we'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle_

I'll tell you another song next chapter!

Review and tell me what songs you think!


	26. Or Is It Roza? I Can Never Remember

**A/N: Thanks to my beta! She is amazing. As she said, this chapter is intense so be warned.**

**I also had help this chapter from **_**Lissa Dragomir101**_** who helped me make sure it made sense, She's great and her story's are too so check them out.**

**If you're into twilight I recommend 'Look past the veil of hate' by **_**MyLifeisEdwardCullen**_** (my beta), I really love it right now. **

**Disclaimer to Richelle Mead & Thanks to everyone who reviewed!**

Need to know stuff for this chapter:

There is song lyrics in there, the songs are 'Love the way you lie by Eminem and Rihanna' and 'Neutron star collision by Muse', it's not about the songs as such but their lyrics. (Rose couldn't know the names of every song mentioned nor would she care.)

In one of the songs there is one or two curses, I did not right them in and I couldn't choose another song when this was so perfect for what I wanted.

When the flashback is happening it is all in italics so the lyrics are not, this means that the scrawled comments are in italics and not part of the lyrics.

Chapter 26

Do you know something more than your telling us, party boy?

You'll be one to watch. Won't you?

Does our Rose know how much you care? Does she know how much you _know_?

Hmm... Do you really care? Destruction seems to be following your encounters.

Like last time, you made her so happy with that little picnic, and then her world comes crashing down. Suspicious isn't it?

Lissa seems to be the only innocent one here; I'm calling it a day for suspicion.

Eddie was being so argumentative, I wonder why... I think he might have gone past over-protective brother figure.

But why consider him when there's our hero to consider...

Rose seems to be considering him, so why shouldn't we? She did ask if he was there.

He was taking control of the situation, what was it he said? _Just do what I say and we can ensure she is fine. _Sounds like a threat.

But really everyone always considers the people who care most, first. I mean your child gets kidnapped and who do they make number one suspect? You.

Someone's hiding in the shadows here; they wouldn't make it that obvious, would they? Hiding in obvious sight, Christian? So many things to consider, perhaps we should get all the details right here.

_4 Hours Previous..._

_Rose was in her dorm, reading the back of a photo... gathering memories? No. This was all new._

_She was running down the stairs and through the doors of the dorm minutes later, photo in hand._

"_Because I still love you, even when you're gone, no one can take our time away." She whispered, stopping to stare at the cabin before taking a deep breath and pulling the door open._

_She stepped inside and froze, staring around in horror. This was it, the pain was still so fresh in Rose's mind, yet she was here. Of all the places she could have run to, of all the memories she could have trapped herself in, she chose the cabin. Squeezing her eyes tightly closed for a moment she pushed herself past the pain, the memories and the images blocking her path and walked over to the bed. There was a small box sitting there, with an envelope on top._

_She should have been more careful, she was training to be a guardian after all. But what did that matter? If she had to die, why not die remembering Dimitri? She tore open the envelope and pulled out the letter._

_The writing was the same as that on the back of the photo, large and curvy._

_Dearest Roza,_

_I want to apologise now, I understand how much pain you must be in at this moment, as you're reading this. But you need to learn about life and in life people aren't always nice to you even if you're already suffering. In life there is vengeance, insanity and pain. You'll know all three of those soon enough. Trust that, if nothing else._

_Don't be afraid now, I won't kill you today; you're safe from everything but yourself. This box will only hurt you if you let it, knowing you, it will kill you._

_So this is cliché, don't laugh, but psycho killers did it for a reason: it's effective. Music as it happens. I have included two CDs, you'll find a CD player under the bed, only one of the CDs is for you, the other is for Vasalisa. I hope that breaks your heart. You would die for her, wouldn't you?_

_I have also included the lyrics maybe that will help you find some resolve._

_Please don't tell your new best friend, music can't kill the Princess but don't be deceived, I can. I do mean Ivashkov, just in case you were going to claim he wasn't your best friend when the last Dragomir's body turns up._

_But I don't want to kill her, really, you'll see._

_Well, Rose, if you haven't figured out who I am, I'll give you a hint. I don't claim to love you._

_Give Lissa her CD, won't you? I would be very upset if you didn't._

_I remember needing to tell you something... hmm... something about Pyro... Only I can't quite remember. Oh well._

_Remember: Vengeance, insanity, pain, Pyro._

_C._

_Ps. Castile seems to be getting a little too close to you..._

_Rose stared at the letter, over and over again, uncomprehendingly._

"_Why me? I mean seriously God, I know I don't listen very well in church but couldn't you take a day off the whole wrecking Rose's life stunt?" She said looking upwards._

_She looked down and sighed, whispering, "That's right, my God will always be my Russian God."_

_She opened the box to reveal two CDs in separate cases with names written on the front, two pieces of paper, covered with printed lyrics and scrawled comments in that same writing._

_She pulled the CD player from under the bed and opened the case with 'ROSE' printed on the front._

_The music played, echoing through the cabin._

_Rose picked up the sheet of Lyrics that was taped to the cd case and read while the music played again,_

I was searching  
You were on a mission  
Then our hearts combined like  
A Neutron Star Collision

I had nothing left to lose  
You took your time to choose  
Then we told each other with no trace of fear that

Our love would be forever _forever, Rose, doesn't that sound good?_  
And if we died  
We died together _That leaves you, my sweetest, your time has come._  
And I  
I said never  
Cause our love would be forever _WOULD, listen carefully._

The world is broken _your world certainly is._  
And halo's fail to glisten  
We tried to make a difference but  
No one wants to listen _Or maybe they just can't hear you, Rose? Pyro. _  
Hail, the preachers fake and proud  
Their doctrines will be cloud  
Then they'll dissipate  
Like snowflakes in an ocean

Love is forever _Love can turn ugly, so ugly._  
And we'll die  
we'll die together  
And I  
I said never  
Cause our love could be forever

Now, I've got nothing left to lose _ I really don't have anything left to lose but neither do you._  
You take your time to choose _Yes, choose, the sooner the better._  
I can tell you now without a trace of fear  
That my love will be forever _I will tell you, sometime, trust that._  
And we'll die  
we'll die together  
And I  
I will never _Don't trust me._  
Cause our love  
Will be forever

_It was all so confusing, how could Rose possibly make sense of it?_

_Her suspicions were back on fire boy._

_The next CD said 'V' on it, so it was for Vasalisa, but Rose couldn't not listen to it, she was supposed to be guarding Lissa soon._

_She read the lyrics as the song played, again there were comments on the page by 'C'._

Just gonna stand there  
And watch me burn  
But that's alright _I understand, Lissa, why you let me go._  
Because I like  
The way it hurts _I always have loved the pain._  
Just gonna stand there  
And hear me cry  
But that's alright  
Because I love  
The way you lie  
I love the way you lie _I do love your lies, do you love mine?_  
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is _Oh; I know what it is- the effects, the shadows._  
I can only tell you what it feels like _You would not believe the agony._  
And right now there's a steel knife _Maybe not steel, silver perhaps?_  
In my windpipe  
I can't breathe _Thank your BFFL for that one, isn't she the greatest? _  
But I still fight _Breaking hearts subconsciously._  
While I can fight  
As long as the wrong feels right _It feels soo right, but there's a voice saying it's wrong._  
It's like I'm in flight  
High of a love _Love, are you reading this Rose? Remember. _  
Drunk from the hate _Perfect wording, I'm drunk from the hate too._  
It's like I'm huffing paint  
And I love it the more that I suffer  
I suffocate _I welcome it though, I'm willing to die. _  
And right before I'm about to drown  
She resuscitates me _Wouldn't that suck? Right when you think it's finally over. _  
She fucking hates me _Sorry for the language Princess, but the point stands. _  
And I love it _I don't love it exactly, it's about the meaning of Love, it's hard to get. _  
Wait  
Where you going_ I was thinking exactly that, you know and then  
_I'm leaving you _she answered but she didn't say a word._  
No you ain't  
Come back  
We're running right back  
Here we go again  
It's so insane  
Cause when it's going good  
It's going great  
I'm Superman _Ah, I was. I wish I was..._  
With the wind in his bag  
She's Lois Lane  
But when it's bad  
It's awful _Somewhere we went wrong, because I'm sure it was never this bad._  
I feel so ashamed  
I snap  
Who's that dude  
I don't even know his name  
I laid hands on her _I did, Lissa, and where am I now? That's when everything unravelled._  
I'll never stoop so low again  
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there  
And watch me burn _Sometimes I imagine she's saying this, Vasalissa._  
But that's alright  
Because I like _But I don't think she likes it, but I don't think I care. _  
The way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there  
And hear me cry _How many ways and how many times have I heard her cry?_  
But that's alright  
Because I love _you, I love you. _  
The way you lie  
I love the way you lie_ I know, I know exactly what you're doing, right now._  
I love the way you lie _Both of you. I'm not dumb, Rosemarie. _

You ever love somebody so much _Just read the lyrics, they are so right._  
You can barely breathe  
When you're with them  
You meet  
And neither one of you  
Even know what hit 'em  
Got that warm fuzzy feeling  
Yeah them chills  
Used to get 'em  
Now you're getting fucking sick  
Of looking at 'em _Only because of their pain, or so I convince myself._  
You swore you've never hit 'em  
Never do nothing to hurt 'em  
Now you're in each other's face  
Spewing venom _Venom? Endorphins..._  
And these words  
When you spit 'em  
You push  
Pull each other's hair _To pull your hair... Mm..._  
Scratch, claw, bit 'em  
Throw 'em down

_She stopped the song there and put the lyrics down, walking over to the wall and sliding down, the world crashing down until her phone started ringing._

...

That was a little warped, wasn't it, Rose? So you're just going to sit and watch your world fall to dust. I would have run personally, staying in that cabin after someone had obviously been there to leave you a threat...? It makes no sense.

So we have the facts, all evidence is presented and yet we have no answer. I'm blaming Rose.

Surely she could have done things differently, found out who 'C' is.

Lissa was sitting in her room, _Rose was fine_, Adrian had gone to bed, Christian and Eddie were playing video games, _Rose was fine_. Lissa comes to the best solutions... not.

Why is Rose falling apart in the cabin if she's fine?

Why is Adrian sitting on Rose's bed if he's asleep?

Why are Christian and Eddie death staring each other from across the table, still in the cafeteria, if they're playing video games?

Why is someone watching Rose through the cabin window, with calculating eyes and a mournful set to their mouth, if she's fine?

So many questions, answers will come tomorrow, this can be assured by the pressing hints – someone will figure it out.


	27. When Limits Break: Strength or Oblivion?

**A/N: **This story and Life is Haunted are 100 pages in word! Wow, Yay and all good things.

Now, you have to review this chapter for two reasons:

I don't know if it's in English, makes sense, fits in the plot or is "realistic" for the story

I did this chapter for you, when I was half dying and none of my friends noticed I was sick.

I'll explain, I was sick when I wrote this, like -sleeping and waking up with no energy and no sense of time and then dreaming you were making food and believing you were and then waking up hungry- sick. I don't know if I had a temperature because I was crazy and can't remember much of the stuff that actually happened in reality when I was sick, just the dreams. Anyway, the point is that you have to tell me if it sounds like it was written by someone who was insane and then you have to review anyway (yes, this is a pity review) because I bothered to do this when I was sick.

Sorry to be annoying with long A/N but to **lizzie3Dimka**: Thank you, this is cruel of me but that means a lot, that was kinda my goal when I wrote that, ha-ha, I hope it gets happier for you.

Disclaimer etc. My gratitude to everyone who reviews, alerts, favourites etc. Thank you _**MyLifeisEdwardCullen**_, you are truly awesome and everyone who reads this agrees! :D

Now on with the story, I promise it will get less confusing and more revealing (you might actually get to see a whole day through one POV!) very soon, as in chapter after this soon.

Chapter 27

Song: I don't care by Apocalyptica (yes, I'm doing that now...)

Adrian's POV

Everybody has limits.

This crosses a line.

How many times can I be expected to try?

I was extremely worried, but I hadn't helped so far, so what was the point?

I was literally going crazy for her, not drinking and letting the effects of spirit get to me.

But she was doing absolutely nothing, she didn't want me around.

It can't be all about her, sometimes I have to think of myself, but I don't anymore.

If she's hurt, then I have to be there.

Well, not tonight.

Tonight, she had crossed a line. We had an agreement. She lied.

So here I was, in my room, drinking as much as I liked- which happened to be a lot. I didn't want to feel the sting of betrayal and the constant ache of fear for her. Tonight I was going to pretend to be as blind as Lissa because she had pretended that she was sleeping.

I had had a suspicion at the time that it wasn't true but I knew now that it wasn't.

She might be doing it for a reason, but I don't care.

_I had snuck in using compulsion on the dorm matron, but now I regretted it. Her room was silent, empty. She wasn't asleep, she wasn't even here! If she hadn't lied so well, I would have gone to find her. But she didn't just hint that she was asleep here, she had outright said she was. I sat down on the bed, staring into the darkness. I felt rejected. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, I was Adrian Ivashkov!_

"_I wish I could trust you, Little Dhampir."_

I'm not saying this is time for goodbyes, but I trusted you, I loved you... I still love you.

Tomorrow – with a hangover – I'll find out what's happening.

But not now, now I'm giving in...

_I left her room with an increasing feeling on oncoming doom and the sinking sense of deceit. It felt like I had been evicted from my own house. Something that I had thought was so perfectly sweet and spicy suddenly turned sour. I had my self control hanging on by a thread...But I was letting it go, willingly._

The fuzz covered my mind, my powers blocked, I felt safe. I felt invincible. But I wasn't a superhero and she wasn't an innocent victim to save. Liquid courage or not, I knew the truth, she didn't want to be found.

Rose's POV

I thought I had known what it felt like to be alone.

But I had been wrong, my friends were there for me then and my subconscious had known that even if I had not accepted it.

Now, I knew.

Because I had told them I was asleep, nobody knew, nobody cared. But most importantly, nobody would come. If I screamed, who would hear?

Everything seemed so pointless, where was I even going? My feet were moving but it wasn't purposeful. I had been forced to leave the cabin by the creeping sense of danger in my mind, I felt like someone was watching me. So, I had left to find somewhere else to lay in self pity and self hatred.

_Why the hell did you do that?_

_Are you on a mission to destroy everything?_

_If this was a movie, I would get killed now and nobody would realise for weeks because nobody would know where I really was and they would believe I was fine._

_I deserved that, so of course death did not come._

_This was more torturous anyway._

_I left the CD addressed to me playing on repeat, as I sat on the bed in the Cabin._

_The song was so sweet, if only used in some other context it would have been beautiful._

_I had to distract myself from crying, I hadn't shed a single tear yet. I wasn't giving in yet._

_Standing up I walked towards the CD player..._

"_Love is forever..."_

_**And we'll die  
we'll die together  
And I  
I will never Don't trust me.  
Cause our love  
Will be forever**_

_The words stood out from the page suddenly as I was standing over it._

"_And we'll die  
we'll die together  
And I  
I will never  
Cause our love  
Will be forever" They rung out from the speakers now, too._

But this time, I was _not_ weak. I had come to the realisation now, and the mystery person's threats were empty. Let him burn in hell. He was gone from my life. I saw with my own eyes, _he left_! I didn't know all the answers yet, but it's obvious. Like the flames against the night sky, so clear yet so easy to not see.

Why was he here?

How was he here?

Why me?

What was his problem?

Well... I could guess what his problem was.

_I gasped, composed myself, turned off the CD player, sent a deadly glare out into the night through the small window and left._

_I would not care._

_Yet, with that determination in my head, I still couldn't force out the whirlwind of thoughts._

_What has Christian got to do with this? Since when did anyone else call him Pyro?_

_And Lissa? Why was she getting a CD?_

I had grabbed the CDs on my way out, once I had closed the cabin door I had thrown mine against it, effectively shattering it and then torn up the sheet of lyrics. But Lissa's? I was going to give it to her.

_That was the nature of this depression, I wanted to hurt everyone else._

Now, as I walked along the tree line bordering the school I wanted Lissa to have it so she could have some clue, some idea, about who I was now. Or maybe it was fear of _him._

Eddie's POV

"You can't be serious!" He cried, distressed.

"Look, it's not like that... You were there; you know what it's like with her... I don't like her in that way!" I half shouted back.

"So, what? I'm supposed to ignore all this?..." he continued on.

_We sat here, glaring for a long time. Christian had seemed to come to the realisation that I was in some way a risk to Rose. I had also come to a realisation that he knew something that he wasn't saying. An hour after the others had left; I broke the silence and the tension hanging in the air._

"_I don't understand this exactly, but I'm sorry. I just can't help thinking your hiding something that we all need to know."_

"_Oh, I'm the one hiding something?" and so it had started._

_Christian thought that I was in some way hurting Rose, yet had to explain how. I had thought Christian knew something about Rose that he wasn't saying but now, I realised. He had known something about me he wasn't saying. Which was good, we didn't need this to cause anymore chaos in our small group. If he could believe it, so could they. He was wrong and I had to convince him of that._

"_Calm down," I interrupted him, "What exactly are you saying?"_

"_Are you trying to destroy her? I mean, she can't deal with this right now! She already has fans but she trusts you! This has gone too far!"_

"_Whoa... What are you talking about?" I stopped him again, trying to understand._

"_I see the way you look at her. Rose doesn't need another love sick guy following her around, much less someone she trusts going psycho on her because they have an infatuation."_

"_What?"_

"No, I do not have a crush on Rose. I can see... why other people are attracted to her but I don't think of her that way. She's like my sister. You were in Spokane. Things changed after that, even you protect her. And as for the things you're accusing me of doing..."

The conversation continued on for what felt like forever. We didn't agree but curfew was fast approaching so he let me leave and vowed to ruin my life if I did anything to her overnight_. Great, he was my _friend_. _Hate to think what enemies were like.

Christian's POV

I sighed and stared out the window, today had been long and tiring but I couldn't sleep until I had figured out my thoughts.

I was taking my frustration out on Eddie when he wasn't entirely at fault. But he wasn't perfect either. I had heard the rumours for the first time on my way to diner.

"_Rose and Castile..."_

"_Yeah, they're totally together!"_

"_What about Ivashkov? I thought she was with him..."_

"_Whatever, she's a slut."_

"_She's probably with both of them."_

"_At least with Castile she doesn't have to worry about having another abortion."_

"_Ooh, Another abortion?"_

"_Didn't you hear? That's why she was gone for like 2 weeks. The guardians said she was sick."_

_I shook my head and walked faster towards Lissa's dorm, making sure to avoid going in ear-shot of anyone as we walked to the cafeteria together. This would kill her._

Eddie probably started this to get Rose's attention. How could he do this to her?

Adrian had assured me after lunch that she was okay for now, but how long would that last once this got out?

I needed something bigger, something to rule this out of the gossip chain before it spread.

And I knew exactly what I could do.

I had a little vengeance to be repaid.

Courtesy of Jesse and Ralf this would be over tomorrow.

Adrian's POV

_Goodnight Rose..._

I laughed as I watched some war movie that was playing on the TV; it was one in the afternoon for the humans. They were all blowing each other up and screaming obscenities at each other. If only it was this easy to kill Strigoi.

I laughed again and pretended to be shooting things around the room with a rifle, making sound effects.

After a while I fell onto the bed and let the night swallow me.

Lissa's POV

I smiled happily imagining all my friends in bed by now, sleeping peacefully.

Adrian was probably dream walking with Rose, still trying to seduce her.

Christian would be dreaming about having his parents back as he so often did.

Eddie would be surrounded by friends in the boy's dhampir dorm, sleeping restfully.

Tomorrow we would finally get to hang out, all of us for once, happy.

I put my head on my pillow and fell asleep with a small smile still on my lips, imagining us all sitting in the sunshine laughing. Of course we couldn't go in the sun but it was a pleasant dream.


	28. Burning Bright

**A/N: **Sorry for too many long A/N! I could say a lot more, but I'll stop myself. Here's the chapter

Chapter 28

Rose's POV

I woke up slowly, hearing leaves crunch under me as I stretched, it was nearly sunset, and I had to get back to my room. My memories didn't come back slowly or in a flood of information, it was as if I had never left consciousness, last night was so clear in my mind.

_The cabin, the CDs, the dreaded comments next to the lyrics._ _The message I had left to whoever had dared to threaten me – the smashed CD and the shredded lyrics in front of the cabin door. The phone call I had lied my way through. _Well, today was going to be great after all that, I thought sarcastically. But on rethinking it, today would be fine, nobody else would know my suffering. That was the beauty of lies and secrets.

I wasn't going to let them live happily while I mentally screamed at the world again though, this would be a shared day of doom. Lissa would get her CD and the sheet of lyrics, as for Christian well... that letter had mentioned him.

I had no idea why it had mentioned him, so I would have to figure that out. As well as what I was going to say to C, because I was going to track him down and soon. But I would worry about that later. I had to talk to Christian, and then I had to give this CD to Lissa and figure out what it was about by going into her head.

As for Adrian... I felt guilty for deceiving him last night, so I was going to have to be nice to him today in an effort to reconcile my conscious.

I knew I'd have to get to C before he decided to go after Eddie; the threat was clear in his letter. He thought Eddie and I were going to hook up and he wasn't happy. I wouldn't be happy either but he had no right to be upset about such things.

Which brought me back to the question, how was he here?

I had left him in the past. I had found my peace. I had done what I had to. I was still breathing.

But him? I had no idea what of that applied to him.

I was so close to the dhampir dorms now, I was nearly back to the safety of my room. So close to fooling everyone that I had been sleeping in my room.

"My, my, Rose_marie_ Hathaway." A voice said behind me and I spun around.

It was the annoying guy from yesterday, even though it seemed like a life-time ago.

"I do believe I made it clear, It's Rose." I stated dismissively.

He shrugged, "My apologies," at that he smirked, "Well, they do put you novices through hell, don't they?"

"Hmm?" I asked distractedly.

"What was it, pre-dawn boot camp? You look like you've been in the forest all night hunting or something..."

I gave him a hard look to cover my surprise and he quickly tried to correct himself,

"Not to say you don't look beautiful, as always. I was just concerned about your well-being. Did they have you up hours ago climbing though trees for training? I could speak to someone about that if you wanted; surely it's abusive or unjust treatment at least."

"I'm fine, thank you. I was just jogging and I tripped. You wouldn't understand what working out and being strong are like, I'm sure." I said glaring at him.

I needed to have a shower before anyone else woke up.

He just shrugged and smiled, walking towards me like he thought we were going to hang out.

"What are _you_ doing up so early?" I asked, stopping him.

"Oh, I had a phone call to make, different time zones, you know. My parents are travelling; I have to be awake to answer their calls." He stated smugly.

"I really need to go. Nice seeing you again...?" I trailed off forgetting his name.

"Cameron, I thought you said you would remember that?" He said grinning.

"Well, Cameron. Later..." I said and turned on my heels, darting into the dhampir dorms. I hadn't promised to see him later; I had merely said the word.

I was running around, in a hurry, _shower, clothes, brush hair, gym bag, stairs_. I couldn't be late for breakfast or my friends would get suspicious.

Slipping into my chair with a tray of food I was greeted by the familiar faces of Lissa, Christian and Eddie. The mood was strange and I felt through the bond to see what was going on but Lissa was happy, calm. Christian and Eddie had fake smiles and kept sending glares at each other or walls around the room.

"Where's Adrian?" I asked, breaking the trance.

"I'm not sure, probably sleeping in." Lissa said.

"Oh, okay." I said, looking around the cafeteria.

The place was buzzing with gossip, about what I had no idea. At least they weren't staring at our table. They were giggling and pointing at Ralf and his cohorts.

"What's that about?" I asked, motioning to them.

"Ah..." Christian tried not to laugh and hid a smile behind his hand.

Eddie and Lissa obviously didn't know, they looked as confused as me.

"What?" I asked Christian.

"Well, it would seem that – from what everyone's saying – Jesse and uh, Ralf, were caught together by guardians, past curfew..." He said looking down, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I don't get why that would be a source of gossip." Lissa said blankly while Eddie stared at Ralf blinking, wide-eyed.

I didn't understand either, they must have snuck out tons of times, but I wasn't going to admit that, not to Christian of all people.

He gave Lissa a kind smile, "They were together, _together_, Liss."

"Ooh!" I said, understanding sparking.

Christian finally let out the laugh he'd been holding back at the sight of Lissa's horrified face.

I was a little concerned about Adrian, the feeling tugging on the back of my mind, as the day went by.

It was nearly lunch and I hadn't seen him or heard from him. I'd called him, he hadn't answered. I'd texted him too but he wasn't replying. This would be normal of Adrian if it hadn't been for him giving up drinking.

But that wasn't a major concern; I had given Lissa her CD at first break, then left her. I hadn't seen her since.

I also hadn't seen Christian after I passed him in the hall and told him we needed to talk and he needed to start telling me what he knew.

When I had given Lissa the CD I had simply said, "This is for you, someone told me to give it you. I don't know who."

Even know that was totally suspicious she had smiled and said, "Sure Rose. Thanks. See you at lunch!" and then practically skipped to her next class. How could she be so happy?

On my way to lunch I was caught by Cameron, _again_. Only this time it was obvious he had been waiting for me.

"Rose."

"Cameron."

"Ah, you remembered this time."

"Obviously," I stated.

"I do believe we had a date for today. You did reject my offer for last night, after all." He said, running his hand up and down my arm.

"Uh... Are you delusional? I didn't agree to anything, Sarcozy. Much less being with you." I said annoyed at his arrogance.

"Not in a great mood today, are we? You were much nicer yesterday. Well, tonight then. I'll find you."

"No, you won't, you-" my insults got cut off as he walked passed me, kissed the back of my neck and left.

_Idiot_, I finished mentally. He was so going to pay for that. But not now.

I walked into the cafeteria and over to one of the quietest tables, where we always sat. Christian and Lissa were together, her face stricken. He was whispering something in her ear which vaguely sounded like a threat, though it was hard to tell from the other side of the table. Eddie was smiling, waving to me and munching an apple.

"Hey, guys..." I said uncertainly to Lissa and Christian.

"Rose." Christian said in a flat tone, not looking at me.

Lissa nodded, whether at me or in agreement with whatever Christian was saying, I couldn't be sure.

"What's up?" I asked, putting on a casual face.

"I do believe we need to talk, you were going to explain what the hell this is, remember?" Christian said, holding up the sheet of lyrics.

"Um... I don't know? But yes, we did need to discuss something." I said looking around the cafeteria to avoid his eyes.

"What would that be, Rose? Because I don't feel like chatting right now. Especially if it would involve more of your lies. All I want to know is what this is." He said menacingly, like it would scare me.

"Okay, not a good time to talk then. I get that, later would be fine. Where's Adrian?" I replied nonchalantly, finally meeting his eyes in a stare.

"Still not here..." Lissa said softly.

"Oh, I have to give him back his shirt. I'll go to his room and see if he's awake yet..." I said and practically ran out of the cafeteria; I could feel their eyes burning into me.

"Adrian?" I yelled, banging on the door.

After a moment I heard footsteps and then the door opened.

"Rose, didn't expect to see you." He stated without emotion.

"Oh, why? I had to give you your shirt back..." I said opening my bag and searching through it.

"Well, after you said 'I'm fine' and hung up, I figured that was a sign to leave you alone. You know 'Stop-caring-about-me-because-I-couldn't-care-less-about-you' in so many words." He said staring out the window behind me.

"Ah, I was just tired, and everyone was asking the same question, it was irritating. I didn't mean to hurt you or whatever." I said smiling, because I actually wanted him to believe me so I could hang out with him again and have those brief encounters with happiness he provided.

"Well, I'm surprised you didn't go to bed if you were so tired." He said, still not letting me in, still looking out of that cursed window.

"Uh...? Can I come in?" I asked, confused.

"Why do you think you have to lie to me all the time, Rose?" He asked finally looking at me.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, pulling him unwillingly into a hug, I still didn't know how much he knew but I wasn't prepared to lose him.

Not with this threat hanging over me.

This threat telling me not to tell him or it would be the end of the Dragomirs.

"I don't know..." He said pulling back and walking into his room.

"What?" I asked when he didn't finish.

"...if I can trust you when you don't trust me." He finished after a moment.

"Adrian, it's not that I don't trust you. I do, so much. Please, what have I done that you're upset about?" I asked, he was breaking the strength I held as a shield.

"I went to your room; I snuck in last night after our phone call. I was worried. You weren't there and after everything Rose, you couldn't have expected me to go searching for you, to let myself care if you were lying dead somewhere. Because you never care. So I didn't, I just came back here. I still don't – can't – trust you." He said, pacing the room.

I stepped in the door and closed it behind me, "I needed space to think, I'm still just getting used to everything, him..." I couldn't say dying. Not now, not ever.

"Ah, well, you could have just said that, Rose. But you didn't." He said turning back to me.

"I'm sorry, let's forget this. Here's your shirt and belt." I said handing the items to him.

"You did say rules were meant for breaking – I didn't get to take it off you." He said offering a half smile. This was Adrian, back to himself.

"That is a shame..." I said just as he tackled me onto the couch.

"What...?" I asked shocked.

"Revenge for not letting me take the shirt off last night." He explained smiling.

I smiled back, but I could feel that it didn't reach my eyes. I couldn't be happy when Eddie was at risk, Lissa confused and Christian angry with me in the cafeteria. Not with him watching me – Where ever he was.

"So... what happened last night?" He asked, suddenly his eyes felt like they could burn through me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, fighting the memories.

"You know what I mean, what truthfully happened?" He said, watching me carefully.

"I just needed some space, I told you that. I promise nothing else happened," for a lie I didn't want to tell, it was very convincing, maybe because I _needed_ to tell it, "Let's forget this, please? I thought you were getting revenge?" I grinned at him.

He sighed but after a minute of watching me he broke into a grin, "I can't get proper compensation because you're not wearing the top."

"Ah, that would be a problem..." I smiled and snatched the top back, "I'll wear it tonight." I said winking and standing up to leave.

"Seriously?" He asked taken back.

I nodded and left to go talk to Christian, sometimes he was the most terrifying person I knew, but not today. Today I was the one getting answers.

When I went to my room at the end of the day, there was an envelope under the door.

It was addressed to me, as 'Rose' for once. But I knew it was from him. It was always from him.

Inside it read:

_Roza,_

_Why am I doing this to you?_

_This is an equal punishment for both of us, you know. And you deserve it._

_They say forgiveness is divine, I've never really considered that before. Thinking now, I know I should concentrate on my own feelings, forgiving you and others. But all I can think is: would you forgive me?_

_Because for all the things you'd done, I'm sure I'd hurt you more. I gave you ten-fold the anguish and pain you inflicted on me. So, would you ever forgive me, after everything?_

_But still, I am punishing you, for what? It's pretty obvious. _

_But I can't live like this forever... _

_Do you understand the torment?_

_It's like I don't have a choice, I have to fight to be right and stop being so ... wrong._

_But I can't give in just yet..._

_I know you have questions, that you want answered._

_Not yet._

_I've heard you've changed, my dearest... That you're different. I'm worried._

_Are you still my Rose? _

_I've upset you now, I'm sorry._

_Just, trust me. Trust that the lyrics I gave you held all the answers. You know me, trust me..._

_Soon, Roza, soon._

_C._

Sorry, I have to do the disclaimer, but I let you read the chapter first, didn't I?

Richelle Mead owns vampire academy, sadly Adrian owns himself otherwise I'd been taking the highest bid for him.


	29. Tonight, This Isn't Love It's Revenge

**A/N:** I have been very bad this week. I'm sorry. I went a little insane when I was writing this but Spirit Bound is proof it can happen... Anyway, non Adrian fans, don't hate me just yet!

_Younger readers, proceed with caution..._ There's nothing worse than what was in the actual books...

Disclaimer: Richelle Mead is amazing, therefore you can see who wrote the books.  
Ps. Rose now knows who 'C' is – she's figured it out, so whatever she is thinking is a hint.

Chapter 29

Song: T-shirt by Shontelle

Rose's POV

This time it didn't make me crumble to the floor, I took a deep breath, drawing in the ache in my heart, the sting your words left. Then as I let that breath go, I let the agony go with it. I shook my head lightly, sighed and went to have a shower.

I realised later that of course, I hadn't let the misery go. I could feel it throbbing, in the back of my mind, pushed aside and locked out. But that didn't stop my courage from coming back, relief flooding through me, soothing my tight muscles.

Courage to keep my word, on so many things: telling Adrian the truth, protecting Lissa, killing a monster, believing and trusting Christian, letting Dimitri go.

But for tonight, keeping my word by going to see Adrian, in a t-shirt that says 'fresh to death' on it.

For the first time since that day, I saw something other than a murderer and a mess when I looked in the mirror. I saw myself, I saw someone who had been through a lot, but someone strong enough to forget it all. I saw someone who looked alive, the Rose who could be beautiful and sexy. I laughed at my reflection, however did I become so sentimental?

Rose was back and she was taking the welcome home party to Adrian Ivashkov's room for the night.

I don't know what I was prepared to do tonight, but I did have an aim. Well, quite a few aims that could all be achieved at once. I was going to get revenge at the world, everyone who was daring to harass me. I was going to ditch Cameron and let him get shocked if he did find me, I was going to reassure Adrian that I did in fact care about him, I was going to forget. I was going to make you watch this, if you were so into stalking me and always watching. Because whatever you said, I couldn't let myself believe you weren't evil, not when you were watching me, following me, haunting me. So, I was getting my own, if you were at all the same, this is what would have hurt you the most.

Tonight you get to watch another pretentious Moroi taking advantage of a Dhampir girl you cared about.

But you were wrong; I was taking advantage of him.

_Knock, knock, knock... A crashing sound as someone tripped... whispered cursing as the lock got stuck... finally the click of the door._

"Rose!" Adrian exclaimed as he saw me, standing on his doorstep smiling mischievously at him.

"Adrian..." I said nodding and pushing past him into the room.

"You made it. I was sceptical, but here you are, before dinner even." He grinned happily.

I held up a paper bag of food, smiling back at Adrian, his joy contagious.

He raised his eyebrows, smile never faltering as he questioned me:

"So, we're eating here, then?"

I nodded.

"Lissa...?"

"And Christian..." I added, "Busy."

He laughed lightly, grabbing the bag and some plates from a cupboard, walking over to the couch.

I took off my coat and threw it on the table before sitting beside him. He look surprised and raised his eyebrows,

"Well, well, Little Dhampir, it seems you were serious. Here I was thinking you could only be sarcastic or mean." His grin was huge and made his eyes sparkle.

"I had to compensate you, wouldn't want any debts left unpaid." I said smiling back.

While we ate I fought an internal battle. I still loved Dimitri but I shouldn't still love him. It was irresponsible to be with Adrian even if only for a night but why should that matter? I _am_ irresponsible.

Adrian's mood didn't drop at all, he was happy and alive. I don't think he had even had a drink yet.

"So... what does _this_ mean?" He finally asked quietly.

That was what I was trying to figure out. I had things that needed to be accomplished here and I wasn't going to say _'Oh, I just have to get revenge at my stalkers, yeah, I managed to get two of them and I'm desperate to forget all that's happened recently. I figure sleeping with you will do all that and hey, it'll probably be fun too so why not?' _Because that would be mean and I did care about him, it was more than all that. I should have given him a chance long ago.

"What? You don't think you're worth being with me?" I teased then sighed, "I care about you, and I know I don't act like it much even when you're going out of your way to help me but I truly do. I want to give you a chance; do you still want me to?"

"Yes, of course. But I don't like being the rebound guy, I'm Adrian Ivashkov, people don't use me as a last option." He stated.

"You're not – " I tried but he cut me off.

"I know, Rose. It doesn't matter, because I wouldn't care if I was the rebound guy to you, if you give me a chance, I'll make sure you never think of me as a rebound guy ever again." He laughed lightly taking some of the weight out of his worlds.

"Since we're being truthful here, maybe we should clear the air about a few things." I said looking down.

"Yes, I think that would be a great idea." He said gently.

I took a deep breath, "I'm not... completely recovered or whatever. I'm just Rose and there are things I haven't told you, like where I was last night, but that's because you don't need to know. You think you want to know but it's just depressing, so you really don't. It's not some other guy or anything like that, so don't worry about it. I've only just figured out that this isn't the end of my life, only hours ago I saw that there were more reasons to live than I had thought. But I care about you and I want to have fun with _you _tonight." I spoke quickly, looking down at the couch and only met his eyes when I was finished.

He smiled, "Thank you – for telling me, for being here. I get that there's a no returns policy, damaged goods and so on, but that's okay."

"Adrian..."

"Yeah?" He asked curiously.

"Would you care if it was only for tonight?"

"Hmm... depends. Is it?" He asked.

"I don't know. No. I think." I said unsure, but my confidence was still there, even if he said yes, I won't be with you if it's only for tonight, I would have convinced him to.

"Well... that's enough for now. Old habits die hard for both of us, don't they?" He said smiling sadly.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Our reputations, some of that was true, right? Neither one of us was exactly committed to anyone but we weren't alone either. Not saying I'm as bad as everyone says or that you were a slut or anything. I don't believe rumours after all the ones I've heard about myself." He picked up his plate and started eating again.

"I really hope all the rumours about you weren't true..." I said laughing.

"I think some of the rumours about you were true though..." He smiled and reached out a hand to play with my hair, "You are as beautiful as they say. Not to mention the attitude problem..."

I laughed and leaned back against the couch watching him go back to munching his food happily. With the age difference between Dimitri and I, it was so obvious because he never acted childishly when I so often did. But with Adrian, he was still growing up too, only sometimes did I see the years between us.

After we ate we sat, laughing at rumours people had spread about us but also listening intently to each other, respecting each other as no one else did especially when considering the rumours we were discussing.

"Then he got pissed off that I'd been with his girlfriend and told all his friends, loudly, in front of my mom, that I'd slept with all four of their girlfriends in one night and that all of the girls had watched each other doing it..." he said grinning.

"Seriously? In front of your mother? That's pretty good revenge actually. Did your mom say anything to you after...?" I asked, covering my mouth to hide my laugh.

"She was very proper about it, of course, until we were behind closed doors and the maid was dismissed. Then the truth came out. She was so furious, yelling about our reputations and my future even when I said I hadn't done it. It didn't matter; she blamed me for it all." He said shaking his head and smiling.

"Oh, that is so unfair! People are always going on about reputations, it's so fake! One time Alberta heard that I had spent the night in one of the royals' rooms when I was like sixteen or fifteen and she went on for ages until I yelled 'you're not my mother' and stormed out. I feel kind of bad about that, I mean she's probably the only reason I didn't turn out to be like the rumours say I am." I smiled as he took my hand, drawing patterns on my palm.

"Let's just see if I can't ruin all her hard work in one night." He said teasingly.

"Hey, this is Rose Hathaway you're talking to; I don't need your help to be a slut!" We both burst out laughing.

It turns out Adrian was being uncharacteristically opposed to alcohol, though I had a feeling he was just getting over a hang-over from said alcohol. I think he was worried about me and alcohol after Lissa and I's breakdown.

"Well, Adrian, I think it's about time you got your t-shirt back." I said standing up.

He looked up at me with bright, hopeful, surprised eyes as if expecting me to take it off right there, so that he had a perfect view. No way was I making it so easy and boring.

I laughed, grabbing his hand and pulling him off the couch.

"I don't like this deal, it's so unfair... I don't get anything out of it." I said pouting playfully.

He brushed his index finger along my bottom lip, "Ah, I'll make it fun for you too..." He grinned.

"There's just something I want..." I said looking down and fiddling with my bracelet, was I really doing this? What if Dimitri was watching, wherever he was now?

"What's that, sweetheart?" He said leaning closer to me and brushing his hand across my cheek.

"Um..." I said unsure, if I could ask this of anyone, it was Adrian. I knew I shouldn't be doing this but I wanted to and right now that was enough.

"What do you want?" His hand brushed my hair back, drifted over my lip before resting on my cheek.

I sighed, closing my eyes and mumbling softly, "For you to bite me..."

He pulled his hand back and stood up straight, "Uh...?"

"I had to do it with Lissa when we were on our own and... I remember it..." I said looking at my toes.

"You got hooked." He whispered.

I shrugged and continued staring to the ground, after a few more minutes of silence, I looked up at him through my lashes, and he gave me a half smile that was indulgent and forgiving.

"Little Dhampir, all these things you ask of me, things that test me so much... But I can't say no." He took my hand, silently letting me know that I had no need to be embarrassed.

"You're kind of amazing..." I murmured, pulling him over to the bed.

"Same to you, Little dhampir."

I smiled and kissed him, pulling his shirt over his head, my hands roaming over his chest.

He kissed me again and again, sliding his hands slowly under the hem of the t-shirt and edging it up and over my head.

"Mine..." he whispered as he tossed it aside. He looked me over grinning like a little kid at Christmas.

He leaned into my neck, kissing it gently and letting his tongue slide over the skin, licking it a few times, endorphins already starting to give me a buzz, before moving to my ear and whispering,

"Ready?"

I grinned at him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

He licked my neck again, and then kissed it, quickly sinking his teeth into my skin while I was distracted. The pain was gone in a moment and I was slipping into a blissful, dizzy trance.

"Are you okay, darling?" he asked pulling back and running his hands over my shoulders.

"Yeah..." I said leaning into him, in a complete state of paradise.

"You seem a little high..." He said amusement clear in his voice.

I giggled, "Don't let that stop you." And with that I pulled him against me and started kissing him again.

He chuckled and ran his hands down my sides, "I would never have expected this..."

"I'm exceptional." I whispered in his ear.

He smiled and moved down to my neck, kissing, nipping, licking, teasing. Eventually my daze wore off, but like any feeder, I had to go back for more, there is no out once you've gotten yourself hooked. Of course, it wasn't my choice at first – I had to keep Lissa alive.

I pulled Adrian's hair, moving his mouth back to my neck, "More." I growled to him.

He placed a soft, sweet kiss there, "No, you're already too far gone. I shouldn't have done it the first time."

I was on the verge of getting mad at him but when he felt my muscles tensing he sat up, pulling me against his chest.

"Don't be mad, it's okay," he cooed, "This isn't you, you're not a feeder, remember?"

I closed my eyes inhaling his scent – caramel and clove cigarettes.

He rubbed my back, drawing swirling patterns, and we sat like that for a long time.

He eventually told me he wouldn't do anything more tonight, as much as it broke his heart to admit it. He could see that it would be wrong and taking advantage of me. So, after he insisted that I drink soda, apparently for the sugar and eat a sandwich he had made, I fell asleep in his bed, cuddled up to him.


	30. I Promised You My Heart

**a/n: Hey, a word to one of the anonymous reviewers, someone who was emphasizing every syllable of amazing – thank you, I was a little worried at the start of your review, because it sounded kind of like you were mad at me but then I figured it out so thanks.**

**I'm putting up two mini chapters, so I'm sorry but then I'm going to put up a mega chapter to make up for it! Yay! Right?**

* * *

Chapter 30

Adrian's POV

Song: Prelude 12/21 by AFI

"Good morning..." I said as she opened her eyes.

"Adrian..." She mumbled burying her face in the pillow.

I smiled down at her, "Want some coffee?"

She gasped "Oh my..." then sighing she said, "Last night... I really made you... bite me?"

I nodded, my smile dropping, "Well, you didn't make me. I'm sorry about that."

I should never have agreed to that, this was Rose, she wasn't a blood whore. I should have told her not to, instead of fuelling her addiction.

"That wasn't part of the plan..." she whispered.

"Hmm?" I asked.

"Never mind... I have to get ready for class." She said standing up.

I grinned at her; she didn't have a shirt to wear because she had come in the t-shirt, which she had given back to me. Obviously, I was reminded of this by the sight of her standing in front of me, half naked.

"Oh!" She said following my gaze and remembering. She laughed, "Can I borrow that shirt again?"

"Do I get to take it off again?" I asked.

She put her hands on her hips, "How about I pay you in advance?"

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

She leant forward, kissing me slowly, making me love her even more. Then she moved to sit on my lap and wrapped her arms around my torso. I grinned at her,

"You can have the t-shirt; otherwise I'll be too tempted."

"Okay!" She jumped off my lap, pulled the t-shirt over her head, grabbed her coat and ran to the door, "I'm late, sorry. I'll see you at lunch!" and she was gone.

I sighed, getting up to make coffee and have a shower.

* * *

"Adrian!" Lissa called from behind me, I turned to see her running towards me from the Moroi dorms.

"Hey, cousin," I greeted.

"Hey, were you with Rose last night? I was worried that she'd be left alone or something since Christian and I didn't go to dinner." She said breathlessly.

I nodded, "Yeah, she was fine..." I trailed off wondering if I should tell her about the blood drinking part of the evening. I was worried about Rose but I didn't want Lissa to feel guilty about having to drink Rose's blood.

"Okay, that's great. Let's go to lunch." She smiled and started walking towards the cafeteria.

I followed behind her and into the cafeteria, greeting Eddie and Christian.

"Rose said she's going to be late, so don't be worried. She had stuff to get in her room or something." He explained.

Lissa and I nodded, sharing a glance. I could have sworn she had the same look in her eye that I had for a second, but then she was smiling and hugging Christian and any trace of concern was gone.

Why does my Little Dhampir keep disappearing?


	31. But I Promised Him My Heart

**a/n: Okay, second short chapter!**

Chapter 31

Diary POV

Song: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day

_Well, Dimitri._

_I honestly don't know what to say._

_Did you see what I did last night? I bet that made you happy. Not._

_I would have done more if Adrian hadn't been such a caring person. He refused me, which must have taken a lot of restraint for him._

_Remember at the ski resort? You thought he was bad news – you were so wrong. About so much._

_Are you even truly sorry? Or is that another one of your tricks? Because you died! You left me here to live without you._

_I have people who are waiting for me, people who care, people who are here, who are real._

_So it's time I say goodbye to you, I hope that breaks __your__ heart._

_We've been through so much..._

_I guess my psycho counsellor is wrong, keeping a diary doesn't help._

_I'm going to stop seeing him, because I'm not your ghost anymore._

_I'm Rose Hathaway._

_I'm going to transform the world when I finally get out of this school._

_Something I put on hold for you, but now you can't stop me._

_Lissa will be queen and we'll revolutionize the way the royals think forever._

_Please don't wish me dead, I will always love you, but you've upset me now._

_Goodbye, Guardian Belikov._

_Goodbye, Dimitri._

_Goodbye, Comrade._

_I loved you._

_I'm sorry._


	32. You Broke All Your Promises

**a/n: Thank you to my beta, **_**MyLifeisEdwardCullen**_**! **

**I'm wondering, am I nice enough to put up three chapters in one night? Then I'm thinking, probably not. But then I didn't get to decide because my computer went battery flat. XD**

**Disclaimer: blah, blah, blah. **

**Thanks to all reviewers! You rock my socks! I've always wanted to say that, haha. I want _tons_ of reviews for this chapter, because it was incredibly hard to write.**

**Ps. I just made my voicemail the same as Adrian's from the book! Yeah, ok, I probably crossed the Adrian obsessed line there but oh, well.**

* * *

Chapter 32

Rose's POV

Song: Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri _(Listen to the song while reading; it makes it so much more awesome)_

Lunch dragged by, somehow my friends had become different people, boring people.

Classes dragged by, the teachers were the same, boring people.

Honestly, I was nervous.

I had to finish this.

After everything he had taught me, I had to be brave and really say goodbye – in the true Rose Hathaway style.

So, I suppose, if I was going to die sometime, I really would want him to kill me.

There would be something in dying by his hand, some promise for the afterlife.

I spent lunch wondering if I wanted to die.

I spent classes wondering if I believed in the afterlife.

It turns out: I had stuff to do that I needed to be alive for. Lissa needed me. She was going to be Queen Vasalissa, she needed someone to protect her.

As for the afterlife, I wondered about that for both of us – what would happen to you if you died? What would happen to me if I died? Seeing the ghosts, I knew that there was always that as a possibility. I think that was a pretty likely outcome for me, people who have unfinished business always end up as ghosts. But I had already died once, so did that change the rules? For you, well, I had no idea. No matter what you had done, I still prayed that there was a heaven and that you would be happy there.

I wanted to go find you; I even knew where you'd be. But when that final bell went, I was frozen. It really was the final bell, not just signalling the end of class. Maybe this was the last time I'd hear it.

I sat there, eyes closed tightly, breathing deeply. Reminiscing life: growing up with Lissa, our time in the human world, seeing you for the first time, stolen kisses in gyms, and arguments with my mother. Seeing Lissa finally happy with Christian, the fight in Spokane, laughing with Mason, getting dozens of perfumes from Adrian and hugging Alberta when I was younger.

"Rose?" Someone asked, obviously not concerned about me, just wanting my attention.

I opened my eyes, "Cameron."

"Hey, where were you last night? We had a date." He said.

I laughed thinking of what I had been doing last night when he was looking for me, "Oh, I forgot. Well, it doesn't matter anyway, I'm taken. So stop trying."

"Yeah, because that would stop you," He muttered, "Who are you with?"

"Really, that is none of your business. I have to go." I said standing up.

"Come on, just one date, please?" He said, reaching out to touch me as I stepped around him.

"No, sorry. I'm busy for... let me see... ever. But I heard that Jesse and Ralf are into guys so maybe one of them will be free...?" I smiled and turned to leave.

"Rose... I won't give up on you." He said and I took a deep breath and left.

I walked out of the building and over the grass, towards the cabin, determinedly.

I marched up to the cabin door, where the remains of the CD still were, remembering the song. Then I pushed that out of my mind, putting every ounce of the old Rose that was still left into my words as I yelled to the woods.

"Come out, come out wherever you are! You won't want to miss this, it's the end! And now that it's finally arrived, come be my audience! Don't you want to see me dead? I won't play hide and seek anymore."

I remembered everything that had happened and turned the sadness into anger, for one last time being confident that I was Rose Hathaway and nobody was going to mess with me. I guess talking with Adrian last night was a good farewell party, talking about our lives. The kiss this morning, my silent goodbye, something to remember Rose Hathaway by years later.

I didn't want to die. But what chance did I have? He had been watching me and I hadn't even noticed for all this time. I was still going to try though.

I clenched my fists, waiting.

Minutes passed.

A gentle voice I was so familiar with finally spoke, like melted chocolate, rich and warm.

"It has been so long..."

What kind of a thing was that to say? Who stalks someone and then when they greet them they say 'It has been so long'? I spun around but he had not revealed himself yet, I couldn't see anyone.

"Wow, I haven't seen you look so alive and outraged for a long time..." The voice murmured.

"Why don't you just say what you really mean or shut up?" I screamed.

"Ah, Rose, really? It's nice to see you like this; I was worried about that walking dead stage you were going through." _Yeah right._

Why did his voice have to be so mesmerising, so beautiful?

"I don't believe you! You only came because you wanted to see me die! Admit it!" I yelled back, looking for the source of the voice again.

I heard a familiar chuckle, smooth and amused.

"Come out, come out, you monster. I don't like monsters that hide under the bed." I said sarcastically, hating him and his magical voice, his wonderful laugh.

"I've been watching you." He said, behind me. I spun around to the cabin door, to find him standing in front of it, appearing out of thin air, a metre from me. I took a step back, shaken by the sight of him. The sight of a very un-dead, un-strigoi him. I gasped, resisting the urge to throw myself at him. No, he was a monster, wasn't he? I hated him, didn't I?

"And I have a few issues to bring up." He went on calmly.

I stood there staring at him, trying to find resolve, strength.

"Now, last night, that wasn't very nice. Using Adrian like that...tsk, tsk. I must admit at the time, I wanted to kill him but then I figured it out. Well, I suppose you helped me figure it out with that diary of yours. Very informative. You don't have an addiction to the endorphins, do you?"

He waited but I didn't respond; I just glared at him.

He sighed, "Do you want to come in?" he opened the cabin door, "Or were you still planning to kill yourself out here?"

"I think you know who I was planning to kill." I said harshly, not taking a step closer.

He nodded, "I know, but we shouldn't be too hasty. Let's catch up; I'm sure we could talk about something interesting. Then I'll kill you. But first, come in..." he took a step backwards, into the cabin.

"Nope. I'm so over this." I said in my best teenager voice, trying to annoy him.

He laughed coldly, "You don't get to be over this. Don't you see? I'm going to kill you, Rosemarie. It's already over. Just give in, enjoy the end. You said it yourself, this is the end." He took a few steps towards me.

I went on ignoring him, "What I don't get – because it's totally screwed up – is this thing with Lissa. Like, you send me a death threat in the form of a CD, I get that, you're insane. But you send Lissa a love song, professing your undying love to her, while telling her how much she hurt you? What the hell, right?"

"Stop delaying it, distractions never work." He said taking another step closer as I took a few steps back.

"You are so messed up. Just explain what it all means! Why the hell do you love Lissa more than me? What were the lyrics about! Explain it to me, now!" I cried.

He smiled gently and took another step closer, so close... too close.

"Rose, I'm sorry. It's the shadows, it's not me. I don't want to hurt you... I really don't. But I can't help myself..." He whispered.

"What has Lissa ever done to make you love her?" I yelled in his face.

"Well, she didn't kill me, for starters! She brought me back after you killed me!" He yelled back, his eyes pained.

"What?" I screamed.

"Oh, you don't even remember staking me!" He said sarcastically.

"I hate you!"

"I know! You made it obvious when you staked me! Then made me watch you suffer, made me watch you crying. You getting bitten by Adrian Ivashkov!"

I stood there shaking, I wanted answers, and I needed him dead. I punched him as hard as I could, knocking him off balance and making him clutch his stomach where I had hit him for a moment before he straightened.

"Don't Roza... please. Let's talk." He whispered.

"No, I have to kill you!" I yelled back.

"No, you don't. You'll understand after we talk." He said stepping closer to me.

"No!" I yelled again.

"Don't you remember me, Roza? I love you. Please." He said, his voice now heavily accented deliciously Russian.

Tears rolled down my cheeks, I had to kill him but he was making it so... so hard. I had thought he was dead and now, here he was. I had thought he was Strigoi, but his eyes were a deep brown. I had thought I was over him, but my heart ached for him.

"No." I whispered.

He took another step forward, then another, until he was right in front of me. Without warning he had pulled me into his arms.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this... Watching you cry, that's what killed me, not the stake, not being strigoi." He said softly, walking us into the cabin.

"No." I whispered again but he ignored me.

"Listen, I'm so sorry for everything... I can explain. But in short, when you staked me, I somehow turned back into a dhampir, then I died, right?" he said.

I nodded reluctantly.

"They brought my body back to be buried near the school, Lissa stopped them, she thought that her magic could... I don't know, heal the dead. She tried and she wasn't strong enough exactly, but then some other ghosts were hanging around the woods- where my body was- with me and they did something, I don't know what. Lissa left, thinking I was dead and sent some guardians to bury me, but I was gone. Because I woke up and ran off. Anyway, I ended up with all these scars on my soul, like a strigoi has but I still had my soul, so I wasn't like them. I was alive and Dhampir again. The scars are like shadows and they make me want to be evil, which is why I've been watching you. I'm sorry, Roza. I'm so sorry."

We were sitting on the bed in the cabin, the very same bed as last time.

"No..." I repeated quietly.

"Yes, Rose. It's true." He said taking my hand in both of his.

"But what about the letter and Lissa...?" I asked unsteadily.

"I couldn't stop wanting to kill you, but the part of me that I still had in control wanted to talk to you. So I wrote the letter. The one to Lissa was mostly to you; I just expressed it through her. I was watching when you got the CDs that day; it was like having this war inside my head – too much noise to concentrate." He explained looking sincerely sorry.

"The letter was signed 'C'" I stated.

He laughed softly, sadly. "You always used to call me Comrade, when you loved me."

"But..." I started my mind spinning. I had come here to kill him.

"You make it even harder; every time I get myself under control, fight off the evil, you do something that upsets me – intentionally or not. Even as myself, I'm so mad at you. But right now, I can't bear to think of being angry with you. Seeing you gives me a reason to fight it, Rose." He continued.

"Why are you mad at me?" I asked, randomly picking a question out of the many in my mind.

He sighed, turning his face away from mine, "Isn't it obvious? You and Adrian. You letting yourself go. Not training. Not wanting to be a guardian just because of me. Mostly, you and Adrian."

I half smiled, he was jealous. "I did that on purpose, last night."

He frowned, "Did you? It seemed like you had a problem, needing the endorphin rush."

"That's not what I meant, I mean being with Adrian, in his room. I knew how much it would hurt you because of the thing with Jesse after you became my mentor. I wanted to hurt you..." I said avoiding his question.

"I know, Rose. I'm so sorry. But I can't stop it... the shadows. I don't know how to get rid of them." He seemed worried, the concern in his voice reminding me of every time I'd been in the clinic and he's been there. I missed him so much. But I had decided to move on.

"I can't..." I said, standing up, "You... I don't know... I thought you were dead and now you're back here, in this cabin. I've just figured out how to live through this and you come back? Don't... I don't know..."

He shook his head, "I understand. Where can we go from here? I never meant to leave you, to hurt you. I still love you. Can we talk through this? Tell me what you're thinking..."

"I don't know what I'm thinking! You were dead Dimitri!" I poked his chest, "You were dead! You were going to kill Lissa, I had to kill you! I couldn't even live without you, but then I found a way. Now, you're here? You've been here this entire time?"

He nodded and sighed, silently watching me.

I screamed profanities at him. He nodded and watched me. I knocked over a chair. He sighed and looked at his lap. I cried and punched the wall. He inclined his head to the side and very quietly asking me not to hurt myself. I ran over and punched him. He sat still watching me. I turned to get the chair so I could hit him with it. He silently wrapped his arms around my waist and brought me back to the bed, onto his lap. I screamed. He wrapped his arms around me, burying his head in my hair, trying to hide from the world. I kept screaming. He pushed his face into my neck, trying not to hear. I felt his tears on my neck, his chest shaking from crying. He wrapped his arms around me tighter, whispering something about wishing I could forgive him. I watched him shocked by his vulnerability. He clutched my t-shirt, breathing in my scent as he cried. I wrapped my arms around him, stroking my fingers through his soft hair. He kept whispering how sorry he was.

I shook my head, "It wasn't your fault." Then I hugged him tightly, putting my head on his shoulder.

And we cried until he fell asleep, head on my chest, arms still around me. I watched him for a few minutes.

"I love you, too, so much."

Then I fell asleep too.


	33. Don't Worry About Me

A/N: Hey, sorry it took so long!

This is only checked over by me, so please excuse any mistakes. My beta wasn't available and she might not be for a while but I still want to thank her for all the help she has given with this story! Nobody's paying her to be a beta, so I think that deserves credit, right?

A little Dimitri to help you get over the shock, tell me what you think... Things start to get naughty next chapter! Mwhaha.

Chapter 33

Dimitri's POV

Song: Be Still by Kelly Clarkson

When I woke up, it was early morning; the sun was still out in the sky, so none of the Moroi would be awake.

It broke my heart to remember Rose... from the past few weeks, from last night. But seeing her asleep beside me, holding my hand, I tried to stop thinking of the pained expressions on her face last night.

When I'd been watching her, it had been killing me emotionally. I could see how sad she was, how close she was to doing something irrational. She had no one in her life to keep her balanced, no structure, so why was no one helping her? Couldn't they see past her fake smile? It was so foolish for her to keep smiling when there were people who would have been helpful to her if they'd only known. Like Christian. I tried to tell her, to convince her, to talk to him, because he is so strong and talking to Tasha I knew he'd be able to understand from experience. But obviously, in the haze of shadows clouding my judgement I hadn't done a very good job.

At least I was here now.

Hopefully.

The shadows hadn't left me, I could still feel them brewing inside me- Whispering at my mind. You can't hear scars on the soul. But maybe after time they'd fade... Maybe after time with Rose.

Rose seemed to have lost her belief that anything was possible, it used to be so strong in her and now it had dissolved, because of me probably. She had believed she could fix me, and then she hadn't had a chance: I'd forced her to kill me.

I had become the monster she had claimed I was and I would have let her kill me yesterday if it hadn't been her. If I hadn't seen what killing me once had done to her, I would have been selfish enough to make her do it twice. It wasn't just losing me that had destroyed her; it was the fact that she had been the one to kill me, that no one else would have killed me if she hadn't.

I didn't blame her though, I loved her for it. That she had the courage, the selflessness, to kill me, was amazing.

I had to fix Rose, she thought she had been healing before I came back into her life but she hadn't been. It's like a broken bone that starts setting before its put back in place.

Unfortunately, I had to wonder, what next? Because I could go back to the school, I couldn't be around her all the time. No matter how much I loved her, it was impossible for me to go back.

Whether it was the shadows or my own doubts, I don't know, but some things I was did know.

I knew Rose would go back to Adrian when she woke up.

I knew that it'd break her heart to be alone again, even if for a few hours.

I knew that no matter what I did, Rose had a few scars of her own.

I knew some part of her resented me as much as I resented myself.

I knew I'd have to figure out a way of getting her to talk to Christian or for him to talk to her.

She needed more help than I could give her in the precious time I'd get with her.

That was if she ever came back, she had been pretty upset last night. I sighed, was this ever going to be easy?

Eventually my jealousy won out and I went back to thinking about how she would go back to Adrian when she woke up, because he could give her the endorphin rush she desired. The thought of him touching her was repulsive. Yet I couldn't bring myself to hate him. He made her happy, he cared about her, and he had stopped her from sleeping with him. But he didn't know Rose well enough; he had to have Christian tell him she was only pretending to be okay.

I rolled over to look out the opposite window and distract myself from Rose – which was nearly impossible but I had to try. Her grip moved to my wrist and tightened and not being able to see her face I didn't know if she was talking in her sleep or if she was awake.

"Dimitri... you were right. You said once that... you'd throw yourself in front of me and not her..." She murmured trailing off.

What was she trying to explain? I was baffled.

"Then that day... in the woods... when you were..." She continued and I decided she was asleep.

"You were right. That day, you threw yourself in front of me, not her..." She was whispering now, "You were going to kill her... but some part... of you, didn't let you... kill me."

I smiled, it was a sad smile, I couldn't decide if I was happy or sad with her revelation. She knew I had always loved her, but she also remembered that day and what I'd said.

I hadn't been watching Rose constantly since she got back; sometimes I had watched her friends or simply stayed away. The time she started crying in the gym, I had run away, I had had to fight not to break down myself or go to her.

I rolled back over when I saw the sun starting to set and gently shook Rose's shoulder.

"Mm..." She mumbled.

"Rose... Time to wake up..." I cooed in her ear.

Her eyes flew open, "Dimitri?"

I laughed softly, "Yes?"

"You're here...?" She mumbled.

"Yes, in the cabin. Which is why I was waking you, you need to get back to your room." I explained.

"Oh." She frowned, her eyes incredibly sad.

"People are waiting for you out there Rose. You need to get back before they notice you've been gone. Lissa will be worried and Adrian will be expecting his t-shirt back I assume. You should talk to Christian, I mean, don't tell him I'm here... But you should talk to him about the depression and the addiction to the Endorphins. He'll understand. I know its strange advice, but trust me." I sighed.

"I... But..." She started, distressed.

"I'll be waiting for you here Rose. But the people who are waiting for you out there are more important. You have a life ahead of you, a future. I can't give you that." _I don't even have that_, I thought.

I sat up, watching her as she stood up, ran her fingers through her hair and straightened her clothes.

"I'm sorry, Dimitri. I love you..." She said, sighing.

"Go live your life, don't worry about me." I reassured her.

"Don't give me your guardian mask. This isn't the end, I'll be back. I will always come back for you." She said, coming over and running her hands through my hair.

"I should... get some more sleep. Have a great day, Roza. Don't worry about me... Just give Lissa a hug, she's missing you, give Adrian his t-shirt and talk to Christian. Learn how to be the best guardian ever. I love you." I said, and then I turned onto my side, facing away from her and pretended to be asleep. She didn't need me in her life anymore, but here I was.


	34. Goodbye, The End of The Night Promises

**A/N: **_I guess this is the end. Sort of. I have decided that this story is getting too long and well, the title is Aftermath, this isn't really an aftermath anymore. But on the other hand, I'm so not done with this story. So, I have decided to have my fun in another story and you can choose your ending: I'm going to make a team Dimitri ending in a one-shot and continue this story in my team Adrian goodness in a new fanfic._

_So here's the last chapter of Aftermath, the other fanfics will continue from here._

* * *

_Chapter 34_

_Promises_

_No POV_

_Song: Promises by Sundays Away_

What's the big deal with promises? Well, there is a big deal, maybe the pressures too much? Especially for young lovers. It's the silent promise that's the killer, though.

A head tilt from fire-boy, his promise of a challenge later. Heads bowed and a soft silence from the best friends, Rose and Lissa, signalling the end of whatever had been going on. A hand sliding down Rose's back a little too far, a hand belonging to Cameron, his own promise of more to come.

That boy really will do anything for a dare, but I think we can forget him in this love triangle.

Adrian probably took it as a silent promise from Rose when she kissed him that she was with him and only him.

Well, he should have taken Rose's reputation as his promise.

Rose and Dimitri had no promises, they were free, but the freedom would crush them, eventually. Maybe Rose said she would come back but he never said he'd be there. Maybe he said he'd fight the shadows but Rose never said she would forgive him. Let's just say, they have serious issues- But no promise to resolve them. No promise of a future at all.

Dimitri didn't really have a future at all... I think Rose thought she could find a way past that. But is it possible?

Rose walked away from the cabin somewhat resigned. But as she kept walking, the future burned bright. Everything would be alright. This might have been because Rose believes in the impossible, or because she had had the best night's sleep she'd had in a long time.

She was practically skipping by the time she reached the cafeteria.

"Hey guys!" She greeted the four of them.

"Little Dhampir..." Adrian said and went to get his breakfast without another word.

But Rose didn't notice that he had been less than pleased with her, she was too busy throwing herself at Lissa and hugging her for a very long time.

"What was that for?" Lissa asked when she was finally free.

Rose giggled, "Oh, nothing, I just missed you and someone told me that you might want a hug."

Lissa looked at Christian as Rose went to hug Eddie. He laughed and pulled out of the hug before it became awkwardly long. Then, surprising them all Rose was hugging Christian.

He tried to pull back but she wouldn't let him, whispering in his ear, "I'm sorry."

What is Rose sorry for? Hugging her best friend's boyfriend? Or was it the fact that she'd been having a fight with him? All bets are on the latter.

Adrian came back; he must have missed the hugging phrase because he sat down to eat breakfast without getting a Rose-hug. But maybe he was avoiding one, because Rose turned and sat down beside him; bring her chair closer to him.

"Hi Adrian..." She said hesitantly because she didn't know what she was going to do with him now that Dimitri was back.

He thought she'd noticed his aloof mood.

"Hey." He said, biting into a granola bar.

"So, um..." She started.

"Missed you at dinner last night and you're still wearing my t-shirt," He offered.

"Oh, yeah, I'll go change and wash it for you." She said smiling brightly.

"Mmhmm..." He agreed as she stood up.

"I wasn't hungry last night but I'm starving now so I might grab something to eat while I get ready." She said smiling again and walking towards the food line.

Adrian didn't miss the fact that one of the boys at Ralf's table got up when she passed and hit her ass, but he didn't do anything about it.

Wow, he needed to go drink something...

"What's up with you? I thought you and Rose were sort of together now?" Lissa asked, biting into an apple.

"It's nothing. I just thought she could have told me she wasn't coming to dinner last night. After all she did ask me to be there, she could have showed. She keeps disappearing and only giving half-formed explanations when she returns." Adrian said shrugging.

Christian looked up from his bowl, tilting his head to the side as he looked at Adrian knowingly.

"I'm sure she's fine, did you see how happy she was just then?" Lissa said smiling.

Christian nodded a silent promise to talk about Rose later and share thoughts.

When you're looking, you can see that everything means more than it seems.

Rose wasn't ready to break Adrian's heart. She looked back at him from her spot in the line; he was frowning as he talked with Lissa. She didn't want to mess up someone else's life. Especially someone as kind-hearted, funny and wonderfully sleazy as Adrian. She grinned at him across the room but he didn't see.

_How would Dimitri find out? He was all the way at the cabin_... Rose thought to herself.

Wow, someone forgetting he stalked you for weeks and you didn't notice?

She grabbed a bottle of juice and a bagel and ran to her room, class would start soon.

* * *

Rose rushed to her room and re-emerged with Adrian's t-shirt folded and clean in her bag and a little black dress showing way to much skin for the dress code. But class was over, nobody was going to stop her fun, right?

She smiled to herself, a small secretive tilt of her lips that was more in her eyes.

Adrian answered the door quickly, eyes widening as he saw who was there but more importantly what they were wearing. He sighed, thinking he was truly in love. _Men_.

Rose's ankle boots made a sharp snapping sound as she walked into the room and smiled warmly at Adrian.

"I brought your shirt back." She smiled.

He took it from her hand, giving her an appreciative look. "I wish I owned one of those dresses and you were looking to borrow it."

She laughed at the inside joke and Adrian couldn't stop himself from running a hand over her arm softly, smiling when he saw the hairs stand on end where he'd touched her skin.

"I'm all yours..." He whispered in her ear.

Rose bit her lip and Adrian thought she was trying to be seductive. Rose was thinking how she wasn't really his.

Adrian spoke softly taking the edge off his words, "But you're not all mine."

Rose's head snapped up, "What do you mean by that?"

He sighed, "Look Rose, I get it, okay? It would just be nice if you made it clear what this was between us. Because right now, it seems a little like you're using me for the bite. Couldn't you just get your other boyfriend to bite you? Or is your young love deeper than that?"

By the end Rose felt tired and weak and the weariness showed in her eyes, Adrian felt hurt but he wasn't going to let Rose know that, so he added venom to his last words. Rose's sigh sounded like she had the world on her shoulders but when she spoke she sounded slightly offended and a lot confused_. Great acting skills, Rose._

"What are you talking about? Are you angry because you didn't get what you wanted the other night, because you're the one who stopped it from happening. What other boyfriend? Seriously Adrian, you better sort this misunderstanding out now or I'm leaving."

He shook his head, "I saw him touch you in the cafeteria this morning, you keep disappearing off to see him, I'm not stupid. People have seen you talking."

"Wait, what? I don't know what..." Rose started and then stopped, remembering. "Oh."

"Oh? You mean 'oh damn, I've been caught, I can't lie anymore'?" Adrian said back smirking at her.

_I'm going to get drunk again when she leaves. So drunk._ Adrian thought to himself, this was his coping mechanism when people hurt him: Be mean to them, be sarcastic, and get drunk. It worked quite well. _Not_.

"No! Oh God, no. That was Cameron. He's some arrogant jerk who's stalking me. He wants me to go out with him, I said no, I said I was taken and he still keeps turning up. He's harmless; he'll give up before the end of the week. And I wasn't disappearing. I was just taking some time to think, to catch up on sleep, space to breathe."

"Really?" Adrian said in a bored voice, staring at her like he could make her vanish with his mind.

Rose sighed, feeling even more defeated, she was trying not to hurt this guy and here she was in this awkward situation. She grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the couch; he snatched his hand back and moved to the other end of the couch, away from her.

"Adrian... Listen, he's not worth this. I don't even know him; I can only remember his name because he's told me so many times. Some guys... like him... do this stuff. Trying to get attention. I would never go out with him, don't worry." She said slowly.

"I'm not worrying, not anymore." Adrian snapped, standing up."

"Please. Don't be like this. I'm with you, not him."

"You're with me? Really? Doesn't that have to be consensual?" He sneered with his back to her.

Rose knew what he was doing, she did it herself. This was his shield.

She stood up and took his hand again, holding on tight when he tried to pull it away, he glared at her and then looked away, pretending he couldn't see her honest, innocent face or her black dress covering a not-so-innocent body.

She blew out a breath, "I'm here. I'm here for you. I know you've been here for me a lot, and I'm so grateful. I don't want to hurt you. But I don't know what else you want me to say. What I can say to convince you. I'm here when you're ready to trust me. That's the best I have."

Adrian wanted to believe her, because she was Rose. But he didn't. Not yet. Maybe he did a little but he wasn't admitting to that because then he'd have to admit he was wrong and apologise and right now he couldn't bring himself to. However, he didn't need to. When he glanced at Rose again she just simply nodded and pulled him into a hug, running her fingers through his hair lovingly and telling him that she was sorry. He didn't know what for but it seemed to be the right thing for her to say, somehow.

After a few minutes he spoke quietly and softly, looking over her shoulder and taking a deep breath, it wasn't over just yet.

"You are here. I know what you can say, but I also know you'll say it whether it's true or not. Because you have been saying it to everyone for weeks."

Rose pulled back and stiffened, "What's that?"

"Tell me you are over Dimitri. Tell me you love me, not him. Tell me that you care about me at least half as much as you cared about him. Tell me the truth, Rose." He answered, looking down.

Rose was silent as the minutes passed, how could she say something like that when her Dimitri was back? She wanted them both.

He sighed and walked over to the window, staring out, "I guess that's my answer. I'm not that surprised really..."

"I'm sorry that that is the way things turned out. But really, how do you expect this be a long-term relationship? You're a royal Moroi; I'm the most famous novice guardian this place has ever seen. But... We can have something." Rose offered.

"Need an endorphin fix?" Adrian asked sarcastically.

Rose shook her head and walked over to him, "I really wish you could see what I mean, there's still hope. We'll talk later. Goodbye, Adrian." She kissed his cheek lightly and shook out her hair, spinning towards the door and walking purposefully out.

There's a big deal about promises, one some are yet to learn. Nothing breaks a heart, a soul or a person's spirit more than a promise. However misguided, promises are here tonight, so let's not wait for sunrise to admit it: Rose and Adrian have no promises, their hanging, blissfully, while Dimitri stands back from Rose and hides in his shell (also known as the cabin). Lissa and Christian are all promises of the future, somehow I don't think their going to part, ever. Life means nothing when you're young and in love - Proven by Rosemarie Hathaway, graduating class of 2010.

* * *

A/N: For conformation: This is going to be the final chapter of aftermath. If you author alert me you will get alerts for the other stories that connect with this one. The story's far from over, so I hope you continue to read. I took about two weeks of deliberating before I updated this, so it isn't insane.

The one-shot will be all about Dimitri and Rose's ever after.

The next fanfic in this story will be less angst – if any – than aftermath. It will be light, fun and disregard anything that happens in the Dimitri one-shot. I also hope to make it funny, but that may not happen.

I'm thinking I may also write an Adrian x Rose one-shot... just in case people want to have some closure.

Thank you so much (just in case you've deserted me and will not read the other stories) to all those who have reviewed, I would mention names but then I'll forget people or do something wrong so that's just not a good idea. You know who you are, and I love all you guys for giving me inspiration.

My beta – MyLifeisEdwardCullen – my gratitude, all the readers gratitude, you are awesome.

_Let me know what you think, give me your ideas, review and author alert me for some more great addictive reading times_.

Xx G.

Ps. I have to be a little self centred to sell it, hey, who says I can't be confident the next stories will be awesome?

Pps. She graduated in 2010 because that's when the book that included her graduation was released - Spirit Bound - May 18 2010.


	35. Help Needed  Update

Another note, sorry, I just wanted to keep you up to date.

The one-shot Dimitri-favoured ending:

The Same is Just So New

_Rose and Dimitri get their happily ever after. Possibilities for their life together – One Shot. Continues from Aftermath and Life is Haunted._

Alternative ending for Aftermath, starts off from the last chapter where Rose leaves Adrian. _Can be read alone_.

So please check that out!

The continuation of Aftermath:

Playing with Stakes and Hearts

_ This is the sequel to Aftermath, Rose is back and more confident than ever - with her two lovers. Will it be Adrian or Dimitri that finally penetrates her heart?_

This story is wild card, even I don't know the ending but it is so fun to write. Don't worry, it's not out of character.

**Help Needed (still)!**

Although I have posted Playing with Stakes and Hearts, I desperately need someone to proof it. My beta for aftermath is unable to do it (Obviously).

So, any betas out there? Please pm or review or whatever and tell me if you are a beta (who wants to be my beta) or you know a good beta. Hopefully we can get the sequel posted ASAP!

Thank you all,

xx G.


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